NCT membership

s@sha

Do you really have to share a room with other people in labour? That sounds awful, I'm sure that would frighten me even more if I had to listen to other women moaning & screaming, especially if they are further into labour than me.

Oh, it's all so confusing. I've been in hospital for other things & I hate it, couldn't wait to get home (not the staff's fault, they were lovely).I'm sure I'd feel more relaxed at home without the scary hospital surroundings & other people screaming, but then again the fact that woman was left with no midwife has really put me off. I know I'll probably want pain relief as well...what can they give you at home, is it only gas & air? And I haven't got a very big house, what about my neighbours...they might hear me making noise!?

I know it's probably a rare occurrence that the paper latched onto but at the end of the day, it did happen...she was left with no medical help until it was too late to get to hospital. How would I forgive myself (or my hubby forgive me) if I opted for a home birth & then something went wrong & the delay getting to hospital made things worse for the baby? And I bet if I mention it to the midwife, I'll get opposition, re: the IVF thing.

I wish I had already had one baby so I'd have more idea what to expect!

On a happier note, I think I've been feeling the baby move...hooray! For the past few nights I've been getting what I thought was wind...like a 'bubbling' sensation, or bubbles popping. It only seemed to happen when I was laying down at night trying to sleep. Then I woke really early this morning & couldn't get back to sleep, so I was just laying quietly when the 'bubbling' started again...and then I felt like someone was gently poking me in the tum with a finger, but from the inside out. 3 times, all in the same place. Then it happened again later when I was lying in the bath...the feeling of being poked. P'raps it IS wind, but I haven't felt the poking thing until today, so I think that might be his/her lordship!

jellyhead

awww, congrats on being poked by the baby :-) it's lovely the first time you feel movement.

do you live far from the hospital? if not then maybe you could arrange a home birth if you want to try it, then if it looks like nobody can come out to you you could always go into hospital yourself perhaps. i read somewhere that a midwife can give you pethidine but it has to be on prescription in advance, but i've no idea where i read that so don't quote me on it! i've also read that when you're relaxed your body has natural ways of dealing with the pain so it doesn't hurt so much.

i've only had one baby and it did hurt, but they told me the drugs were making it hurt more than it would have done, i was on a drip to cause contractions so apparently this labour won't hurt half as much. i had a tooth abscess while i was pregnant and i'm sure that hurt more than labour to be honest. i know some women like to say they had no pain relief but not every kind of relief affects the baby, there are some that have no effect on the baby so if you want pain relief and it helps you calm down and relax then i don't see why you shouldn't have it if you want it. i'm going to try a tens machine, you could have that at home and you can buy birth balls, whatever they are, i've heard about them but never seen one lol! or maybe you could stay in a hot bath at home for the first part if you don't have a birth pool.

as for sharing a room i'm not sure about the actual delivery bit. mine was in a room of my own the whole way through but when i was in hospital the other day there were 2 women being induced in the same room as i was in and one of them was in pain and making a lot of noise. the curtains draw completely around the bed so nobody else in the room would be able to see anything, but the noise this woman was making was quite scary, she was screaming and moaning - the other woman hadn't started labour and was trying to watch TV lol! maybe you get moved into a delivery room when you're in labour and this other woman just wasn't moved quickly enough. but i think if i was in labour listening to that would panic me lol!

CDP

Hi

You are right Jellyhead you can have pethidine at home. It depends on the area whether you keep it at home or the midwife brings it with you.

With regard to risks at home, you are FAR safer to have a home birth if you are a low risk woman than you are to have a hospital birth. No risk of cross infection, no listening to other women!

Most people find that at home they can manage without as much pain relief as they would in hospital as the fear/ pain/ tension cycle can really hit in if you are somewhere unfamiliar.

If you liken it to making love ( and those are the hormones that are at play here) then you wouldnt expect it to be fabulous if you were in a strange place where strangers could walk in any minute and "assess" how you were doing! This is usually a good point to raise with partners who are trying to understand why it matters to be somewhere you feel comfortable.

CDP

s@sha

Hi Jellyhead, I'm not far from the hospital...about 5-10 mins drive. So I would have that in my favour. Since we've been posting about home births, I've been reading some more posts on the IVillage message boards...they have a home birth message board. Lots of people there say they felt their home births were far better than in hospital & they felt less pain because they were more relaxed. Some had quite traumatic first births (not the hospital's fault necessarily) so they were quite brave to opt for home births 2nd time round.. But then again, maybe 2nd & 3rd births are sometimes easier than the first...I don't know.

I think I'd like to find out more about it, though...as you say, I could go into hospital quickly if problems happened I suppose. I think I will pluck up courage to ask the midwife about it seriously when I go at 24 weeks...though as I say, I suspect there will be opposition since she implied i 'had to' go into hospital because it's an IVF baby. But since reading this thread I now know I do have the right to a home birth, it's just getting them to guarantee care for you that seems to be the problem.

CDP

Hi S@sha

I dont know whether this would be an option for you but one way to guarentee you get a midwife you know and trust who is DEFINITELY going to be at your birth is to hire an independant midwife. They are not cheap ( around £2000 for the whole preg and post natal period) but those who have had them say they are well worth the money and I know of people who have remortgaged just for this reason.

They can do your a/n care in your own home so none of the waiting around in the hosp and also have access to all the tests and scans just the same as an NHS m/w.

HTH

CDP

Bun

Congratulations on feeling the baby move!
I'm sorry too if I was misleading earlier. Pethidine I believe is available at home and only affects the baby if given very late on (can make it sleepy) I was brainwashed a bit as our midwife lead hospital unit doesn't do it - it is all down to the area at the end of the day I think. In terms of you maybe needing to go to hospital, the hospital I went to didn't do epidurals or c-sections (you had to be transferred six miles away) I did think about this long and hard if something went wrong,and decided that it would probably go better if I went to the place I felt comfortable with. At the end of the day there is a lot that the midwives can deal with before help is needed.
It will help if you don't watch Holby City too much!
ps. Birthing balls are like space hoppers with no handles (they would be useful with them though) and I think mothercare do them. That and the tens were great as all my contractions were i my back, although I have friends who had all stomach contractions and they maybe weren't as good. As a moneysaving tip, Boots if I remember rightly will hire them out for a month for £25 but you can (if you are late for instance) extend this free of charge. Mothercare charge for the extension.

s@sha

Thank you CDP and Bun for your advice re: home birth. Also to Kidtechnical for the link to the homebirth.org website...it is really informative.

Had a long talk with hubby last night about the possibility of considering it & he really suprised me by saying straightaway that he would support me 100% if it was what I wanted. I was expecting some reservations, especially since we both read the newspaper story about the woman left with no midwife, and at the time we both thought that I would be better off in hospital! I'm not sure he has really taken all the implications on board though, so I'm going to make him read some of the info.

Am going to do some more reading up about home birth experiences & I will broach the subject with my midwife at the 24 week appt. Or do you think I should contact her sooner & ask to discuss it?

I'm still keeping an open mind as it's not something I've completely decided upon yet...but I am so tempted by the thought that I could be in familiar surroundings & even if I had to transfer to hospital, I will have at least stayed home for as long as possible.If the midwife was supportive it would be so much easier to say I want to try it.

CDP, thanks for the info about the independent midwives...I think it sounds great & in an ideal world that would be what I'd go for. However, the cost would be an issue, though personally for what you are getting I think its sounds very good value. I wouldn't rule one out though & am going to have a look at their website.

jellyhead

i think if you have antenatal classes from the NCT they would also give you info about home births. i know you're under a consultant but i can't really see any reason not to have a home birth if you are low risk, how the baby was conceived doesn't really matter does it? as long as mum and baby are healthy and there's nothing making it look like a high risk birth. at least if for some reason you needed a transfer to hospital you're not far away. you and hubby have probably seen enough of hospitals recently, it might be nice to have the baby at home :-)

s@sha

That's the thing Jelly head...I am suposedly 'consultant-led' care, but I'm not seeing one or getting any ante-natal care that differs from anyone else...at the moment, at least. So it seems daft to say the birth is determined by the fact I had IVF, when none of my treatment so far has been different to 'normal' women

Oh well, I will speak to the midwife about it just to test how much of a battle it would be to go down that route. I don't want the rest of my pregnancy to become a stressful war between me & the midwife over it, though so if they make it hard for me, I'll probably just give in & go to hospital. On the other hand, I might throw a pregnant strop and 'demand' that we raid our savings for an independent midwife!

jellyhead

i've been reading my NCT magazines today, i joined a few months ago and have had 2 of the local newsletters. they have stories about birth etc. and all the home birth ones are really good. thinking about it realistically i don't know why i'm going into hospital but that's just me, i don't want a home birth. but i think midwives can cope with most things and if you're near to the hospital that takes some of the stress away.

i read the leaflet my hospital put into the bounty pack too, they say you are in a room on your own for labour and birth, so that woman screaming in the ward the other day was just a one-off, she would have been transferred to the labour ward soon enough.

i'm with a consultant again too. first time i saw her at 17 weeks it was just because i'd had pre-eclampsia before. she read my notes and said she didn't need to see me again and i could stay under midwife care unless something went wrong. but now after being in hospital last week i'm back under the consultant because of baby growth so i have to see her at 34 weeks with a scan first. the baby is small but is within the lines on the chart (just on the bottom line), not below the threshold so i don't know why she's got to see me again. some of it seems like they're covering themselves in case you decide to sue them for something, i would worry if my baby was under the line, but not yet when he's within normal limits. i read my baby books today and they say at 26 weeks baby weighs 2 lbs approx - well my baby is hardly less than that at 26 weeks and 2 days so i'm sure he'll be a normal weight when he's born. it's not as if i'm smoking or taking drugs, he'll be healthy but smaller than average, my last baby was too. i don't mind being seen again, i love seeing baby on the scans lol! but sometimes it does seem that people are seeing consultants 'just in case'. i hope you get a good response from your midwife :-)
shaz