Bizzare situation - Moving in with partner

Fridge2

It's called taking responsibility.

As others have mentioned, you need to take on board the fact that you are entering a family and all that that entails...I myself met my wife when I was 25 (married at 31) and she had three children of her own...it didn't even enter my head about how my finances would be affected, I was just excited to be building a life together.

I would say in all honesty, if you are feeling this way then this relationship is not for you and you should walk before you inflict your bitterness and resentment on this woman and her children in later years.

sueturnersmith

Why do most people assume that the father of the children should pay maintenance? I had two small children, aged 5 and 3 when I met my then boyfriend, now husband. Luckily he took them on as his own, but he found it very difficult at first.

I did not get any maintenance from the children's father, because he died when they were very young!

SHIPSHAPE

Nuclear_Tom wrote: »

I have no problems paying my way, but why should I stump up for someone else's children?

You've got a bloody cheek!

Why should the tax payer stump up the cash then? While you flounce around with your 32k.

dmg24

zagfles wrote: »

Obviously - which is why I'm convinced that if the financial hit on such people wasn't so hard there'd be a lot less single parent families in this country, and as a result a lot less paid out in benefits.

So are you suggesting that we cut single parent benefits, to lessen the impact? Interesting idea ...

SHIPSHAPE

dmg24 wrote: »

So are you suggesting that we cut single parent benefits, to lessen the impact? Interesting idea ...

Absolutely, yes. And why not?

serious_saver

I can actually see where you are coming from although the comment about children was very VERY badly phrased.

I think you should rent for while - not to save money but to see how things work with your girlfriend when you are living closer together. I have no idea how long you have been seeing each other and I don't know what your relationship is like. For many people relationships fall apart when they are forced to live apart and for others it works the other way round. If things don't work out she could be left in a very difficult situation. Find yourself somewhere to rent on a six month contract and see where things go from there.

It's also worth considering how the children would feel about you moving in. Take your time and let them get used to the idea that you're going to be there all the time.

Sixer

dmg24 wrote: »

So are you suggesting that we cut single parent benefits, to lessen the impact? Interesting idea ...

No, he's talking about joint taxation for family units, or transferable tax allowances, or tax allowances for dependent children. All of which the Forehead of Doom was supposed to be considering in order to end the 'couple discrimination' in our tax system since individual taxation was introduced back in the early 90s.

France, Portugal and Luxembourg all have compulsory joint taxation for couples. You can opt for joint taxation in Germany, Ireland and Spain.

dmg24

SHIPSHAPE wrote: »

Absolutely, yes. And why not?

I agree, given the current economic situation it certainly does not make sense to give couples more, so if people are saying that single parents get too much, the answer seems to be a no brainer.

zoesmummy_2006

Thats the attitude that scares me when it comes to blokes. In a single mum, my husband ran off with another woman and then went from her to another girl in 2 days. Theyre now having a baby-despite the fact that he pleads poverty when i ask for money towards his 2 kids he had with me. Actually had the nerve to say to me that this new baby wasnt what he wanted! Muppet, told him hes got 2 kids, he knows how not to get pg! Im now divorcing him and have submitted csa claim. But since he left sept 2009 ive been single cos im terrified of starting seeing someone, only for them to run when they find out i have kids. They will always come first with me (unlike daddy who would rather see gf than kids when he first got with her) and its slim pickings bloke wise anyway from the few times ive been out, never mind finding a bloke who wouldmt mind me having 2 kids!

zagfles

dmg24 wrote: »

So are you suggesting that we cut single parent benefits, to lessen the impact? Interesting idea ...

At the risk of getting the thread moved to discussion time...

Not necessarily - the system is hugely biased towards single parents but that's partly because they face the biggest challenges in getting off benefits into work in terms of balancing work with childcare, and so more encouragement is needed. That's why there's a lone parent premium in WTC and bigger earnings disregards in benefits.

But there should be some recognition in the tax credits system that an extra adult in the household brings extra costs (I think the JRF estimated 30% extra for a 2-parent 2-child family compared to a 1-parent 2-child family). The "couple" element should be significantly higher than the "lone parent" element, not the same.

Also the rights and responsibilities of step-parents need bringing into line. This is another example of the govt wanting it both ways. They're always telling us that rights and responsibilities should go together, yet they expect a step-parent to be financially responsible for step-children, yet not have basic parental rights (ie PR). A step-father could act as a father to the children in every way, but then if the couple split up he would have no rights whatsoever to see the kids as a real father would. Yes he could adopt but the basic default position is to have all the responsibility from day 1 but none of the rights.

Without this - CTC should be assessed on the parents' income eg rather than use a step-parent's income to reduce CTC, use the PWC's and child maintenance payments actually received from the NRP (if none then use none). Rather than use the step-parent's income, if they don't have PR.

The situation at the moment is ridiculous where the NRP could be the director of M&S and pay £50,000 a year in child support and this won't affect CTC at all, whereas if the NRP moved in with a binman on 20k it would.

Alternatively move to a French-style tax system where tax is assessed jointly so a family gets an allowance per person (rather than per earner like here). Which means in situation's like the OP's, there would be a big benefit hit but this would partly offset by the taxman recognising he is now supporting a family and so taxing him considerably less.

It's all very well taking a rosy idealist view that love can conquer all and money doesn't matter and if you aren't prepared to spend every spare penny you earn on some else's kids you are a bad person. But in the real world money does matter, and if someone goes from having loads of spare spending cash to having to count every penny and even into debt, this will have an effect, maybe not when things are going well but when things aren't.

You can moralise all you want - but look at the statistics comparing the number of single parent families in the UK with other countries. Look at the lonely hearts columns and see how many single mums are in them. And you can blame the likes of the OP, or you can blame the system.