Bizzare situation - Moving in with partner

grumpyoldwoman41

Nuclear_Tom wrote: »

I have no problems paying my way, but why should I stump up for someone else's children?

Are you for real? No, seriously - are you for real?
Why don't you ask your g/f to see this statement?
Your problem will be solved then....

Nuclear_Tom wrote: »

my partner would be £1500 a month better off without me!

And not only because of that....

I do hope this thread is a joke....

calleyw

bytodayay wrote: »

I have no problems paying my way, but why should I stump up for someone else's children?

You already do in the form of Child tax credit and Child benefit paid to other people.

When you fall in love with someone you take the whole package and not just the good bits.

Why is the childrens father not paying anything?

Who said romance is dead. It does concern me that all people think about is money and not about the relationship.

Yours

Calley

thorsoak

bytodayay wrote: »

I have no problems paying my way, but why should I stump up for someone else's children?

Does their father not contribute to their maintenance? Or does their mother prefer to claim it from the state?

IF you move in with this person, you would be moving in to a FAMILY - you can't have one without the other - and all the expense that it entails.

Unless you can accept this point, your relationship could be doomed to failure - your proposed partner's first concern will be to her children - and you will have to take second place. Can you do this?

NickyBat

thorsoak wrote: »

Does their father not contribute to their maintenance? Or does their mother prefer to claim it from the state?

IF you move in with this person, you would be moving in to a FAMILY - you can't have one without the other - and all the expense that it entails.

Unless you can accept this point, your relationship could be doomed to failure - your proposed partner's first concern will be to her children - and you will have to take second place. Can you do this?

Well said!

Oldernotwiser

Nuclear_Tom wrote: »

I actually subsidise my parents at the moment, I pay for the weekly shop which is working out to about £6-700 a month, as well as being the taxi, doing all the DIY and majority of housework. I'd be better off on my own in a studio flat or similar for sure. Thanks for the helpful comment though :money:

If your monthly shop for only 3 people comes to £6/700 then you really need to learn to budget. That's a phenomenal amount!

I also have to say that if you're already feeling resentful at supporting another man's children, you really should wait until you can have a relationship with someone who doesn't have any.

mumcoll

Speechless.......:mad:

Marisco

In all fairness to Tom, I try to look at things from all sides. I can see his point!!! (Apart from the comment about the kids, that is out of order!!) But I think people should be condemning the system, not the person!! £1500 is an awful lot to lose per month!! And I don't think he meant he was going to rent somewhere nearby just for the address, and live with her, but I read it that he was going to rent and "date" her.

I would question if he should be in the relationship with the lass though, with that attitude to the kids!!! With all due respect Tom, you'd be better off with someone with no kids!!!! My SIL took on my daughters' 2, and has never been anything other than a dad to them both (biological dad didn't want to know, and pays no CM, job hops, moves etc:mad:) and one has mild Autism!!

As for the money per month for groceries, there are two of us and we spent about £400pm. I can afford it, so I can't see the problem. Not all of us like shlepping round shops looking for bargains! We did it for years, scratching around when oh had problems with the CSA. We don't need to do it now, so we don't We are not extravagant, we don't have the latest this that and 'tother, don't need scads of clothes and shoes and don't take 3/4 holidays a year!;)

charleeboo

Oh my goodness! Are you for real? If you move in with your g/f, the kids are part of the package and you are saying that you will look after them too, after all, they will look to you as a father figure.
I think, as she is better off without you, you should just stay where you are and see if it progresses. Wait until you have matured a bit, as when you are ready for it, you would rather support her and the kids and be proud of the fact.
I have a young daughter and moved in with my partner and his son, although we are skint financially (I mean literally living hand to mouth), I feel much better off for just having someone there.

ManxAvenger

Stay at home with Mummy and Daddy, you are not yet responsible enough to be 'caring' for children.

Shaz55

My sisters partner moved in with her and her 3 children so she DIDN'T have to claim benefits after she lost her job! He loved her and they all came as a family, not once did he consider just leaving her to get on with it..When will some men understand that when a woman has children its a package and a full time commitment to all not just the woman!!