am i being unreasonable??

saintly_2

my fiance has just been signed off work sick, already been off for 4 weeks, been signed off a further 3 weeks but we are looking at another month or to before he can go back to work so will be on SSP. he has hurt his foot and is on a crutch however he can get around.

I now need to pay his half of the bills as well as my half and money is very tight, i have agreed to work an additional day a week in work which should give us just enough to survive, thank god for no CT next month. i am now working 5 x 10 hour days instead of 4 which is knackering me out as im going through a really tough time in work at the moment.

Ive just joked with him that he is a house husband until he goes back to work, which he is fuming about and it started a row. ive told him that while im working my !!! off to pay the bills i would like him to do the cleaning and cooking, i will continue to do the washing and ironing. he still isnt happy!! he is going to bed at 2, 3am and only getting up at midday and complaining he is tired.

Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to clean the house and get tea ready whilst im working extra hours to cover his half of the bills? i dont think im in the wrong but nice to get someone elses perspective!!

elsien

Does he not normally do his share of the household jobs anyway?
If you're both working, you should both be doing equal shares around the house. (I know a lot of people don't see it like that, but you both live there so you both do your bit. Can't be doing with woman = housework/cooking, dangly bits = garden/diy.)
While he's off and you're doing more hours at work, then yes it's reasonable to expect him to do more at home.

LittleMrsThrifty

Is he physically capable (health wise) of doing the housework or would it lengthen his recovery time?

pigpen

Well i can imagine some tasks might be difficult with crutches.. vacuuming, standing to wash dishes, scrubbing toilets for example but I think it is reasonable to ask him to put washing in, he can sit and iron. wipe a worksurface while making a cuppa.. i am assuming he drinks while you are out.. he could do dinner.. it doesn't take huge amounts of time to prepare most meals and if it is all to hand he should be ok.

I think you need to look at what it is possible for him to help with while he is unable to walk properly.. a lot of cleaning jobs require standing/walking.

Sambucus_Nigra

Blooming heck, when I was off with a smashed elbow I was pinning clothes to the washing line with my teeth 3 days after the op.

Going to bed and getting up late is not good for the disposition. Early to bed, early to rise and all that.

exup

no it isn't unreasonable - and if he isn't working - why is he staying up so late at night wasting energy? I wouldn't expect him to be sat in the dark, or reading a book by candlelight - so if things are tight, the energy bills will be higher

barbiedoll

No, you're not being unreasonable. Unless he is writhing around in great pain all day, then it wouldn't hurt him to at least get your tea ready for when you get home. And keeping the place clean and tidy and clearing up after himself shouldn't be too much of a stretch either.

What is he like at sharing the chores usually? Do you find that you are the one doing most of the work because you "only" work 4 days each week? (Still a 40 hour week!) If so, then you can blame yourself for letting him off the hook for so long! It may be time for a chat...not a row. Wait until he is nice and relaxed and make a cup of tea and sit him down and spell out exactly how much work is involved in keeping house. Say that you appreciate that he is off "sick" but that you will end up ill yourself if you have to work for 50 hours AND do all of the chores. If he lounges around in bed all morning, start ringing him at around 10am to wake him up. He's only tired because he isn't doing anything, we all feel tired after a whole day of loafing around! :mad:

Good luck, and don't give in. If he won't get tea ready for when you come in, do yourself something to eat and let him get his own meal. As a last resort, stop doing his washing and ironing too, if he won't help you, you shouldn't help him!

jfdi

My OH, just 60yo, had a Hip Replacement Op 6 Dec, so has been home on 'sick' since October.

All he's bringing in is ESA at £65 a week, so I'm doing the same as you & being the main earner.

Until his Op & since the New Year (so 3/4 weeks after it) he's been house-husbanding.

Cleaning (inc damp mopping floors), washing, cooking.

He's crap at tidying & altho' he does bathrooms won't do the loo - so to be honest all in all it's been absolutely brilliant!.

I cook at w/e (coz I enjoy it) & do the loos etc.

Think I'll quite miss it when he's back job hunting (lost his job too - nasty coincidence).

So - is your OH taking the P?

If he can get around on crutches like my OH could - then Yes! After all - you're a Partnership, aren't you???

saintly_2

thanks for the replies

when he works, he normally does clean when i ask him to, and he cooks ( only if i get the meat out of the freezer and because i cant cook) but of his own back no he doesnt, he has to be asked. doesnt do washing, ironing, cleaning the bathrooms. we live in a small flat so no stairs to clean etc....he can get round without his crutch in the house, the only thing he wouldnt be able to is the shower cubicle but of the position he would have to be in but apart from that he can do everything.

i left a list of things to do for him when i was on my overtime day on wednesday

take meat out of freezer
put clothes out on maiden
do your exercises for your foot (as he always forgets)

hardly 10 hours worth of work, i was a bang out of order for doing that because i was telling him what to do. it hadnt been done, the washing stunk so had to re do it again! i dont think im being unreasonable!! im going to show him this thread when he gets home.

aww bless him though, he attempted to mop the bathroom floor, poured a whole load of bleach straight from the bottle, wet the mop and wiped it. i come home, the floor was sticky and the fume nearly knocked me out. we have no window in there so cant get rid of the overpowering bleach smell!!

balletshoes

did you write your list like that? i'm not saying you're wrong to expect him to do some chores while he's home and you're out working, but if he doesn't do many of them unless prompted when he is working, maybe putting it to him that you'd be grateful if he'd do them, maybe with a please on the list, it might get more of a result and he might not get into a strop about it? maybe a "thanks babe" and a couple of kisses at the bottom too?

saintly_2

i blew up a mini love heart balloon left over from valentines day and a love heart and kisses at the bottom of the list with big kiss and love you. i got a text from him saying love you too until i got home and the list was in the same place i'd left it haha