How to Get Through The Tough Times The Old Style Way.

Pitlanepiglet

Have gone off the os rails a little in the last couple of weeks. We're just finishing off moving nearly 91 year old MiL from a warden controlled flat to supported housing, it's a halfway house between independent living and residential care, all meals are provided and the residents (9) eat as a family etc. it's a lovely set up and I really hope she's going to be happy and able to live fairly independently for a while as it's important to her.

She's moved over 120 miles so is now close to us which is lovely but it means I've spent over a week sorting out her room and trying to make it all less stressful for her as well as prodding social services to get her the care that she needs to make her life easier. I don't begrudge it at all, but I'm now sooooo behind with everything that needs doing.

We're working away this weekend (voluntary work) so it will be next week before I get much done!

Os wise I've ended up binning bits of food that didn't get used up and were too far on to freeze and this always makes me cross!

Hope everyone is ok, gailey hows that beautiful boy of yours?

Softstuff

GreyQueen wrote: »

Reading the last couple of pages has made me realise that my using this thread as a safety valve to let off steam about I.B was not being considerate of your respective comfort zones. So, the rule from now on is..........I shall not mention I.B. or matters related to I.B.

Of course, this may mean I have nothing to "It's Tough..." about and may not post again on this particular thread (I play in a few other places on the OS Board anyway) but I shall keep reading as I love to know how everyone is rising to their challenges with such wit, style and humour. ((Hugs to all))

Love and peas, GQ x

I post pretty irregularly here now too, knowing that my gallows humour doesn't go down too well, but I read still. The conversation about I.B as he shall henceforth seemingly be known, was to me a discussion about an inconsiderate, stupid twerp who with a lack of other interesting activity, and likely under the influence, decided for no other reason than bloodymindedness to make his neighbours life hell. The sad fact if life is that there are people out there that do this, but it seems a bit tragic if with friends you can't call a spade a spade, and that there has to be some underlying ailment deserving of sympathy causing his behaviour.

I apologise in advance for any offence caused by this statement, and shall zip it forthwith.

joeck68

I too only read now, I stopped posting after my posts were commented on in, shall we say, a less than complimentary manner. Greyqueen, I read yr posts elsewhere and you never fail to lighten my mood - I think that as people begin to withdraw from this forum it will become an even less welcoming place, and those who want to keep the board 'pure' will have achieved their aim. Sorry if this offends some, but after observing from the shadows I can see a pattern where genuine posters are made to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. I never find these problems elsewhere on mse, only this forum. Perhaps it's time that people asked why these 'spats' keep happening. After all 'old style' has been closed and moved several times because of it. Anyway, like softstuff and greyqueen, I shall back out and go back to posting elsewhere
Jo.

grandma247

softstuff I wrote something and deleted it last night. It was about the increase in diagnosis of adhd. From observing a lot of these kids the real problem is the parents either do not know how to discipline their children or do not care and fail to teach them respect for other people or the difference from right and wrong. This area seems to have a high number of these kids.

My oldest is hyperactive and probably would have had the label adhd if he were a child nowadays. we were too poor to buy expensive junk food so he got mostly additive free food cooked from scratch and he was saying the other day he would never have dared to behave so badly as some kids do now because he would have got a good smack. Smacking was not frowned on then and I reserved it for outright disobedience. He is lovely man and very law abiding so as far as he is concerned, I did him a favour. He is still hyperactive at 37 but he channels the energy into work and other things.
I used to take him up on the moors to get rid of some of the energy on the advice of an older couple and a few years ago I saw the expression "high energy kids" on an American site. That is a very good description of these kids. That energy has to be channeled and given an outlet that is not harmful.
They also need very firm boundaries and swift punishment for breaking them. That takes a lot of effort from the parents. Adhd children are not usually mentally deficient and know perfectly well what they are doing but they lack the ability for self discipline in the early years so it is up to the parents to set the pattern.

ceridwen

Softstuff wrote: »

I post pretty irregularly here now too, knowing that my gallows humour doesn't go down too well, but I read still. The conversation about I.B as he shall henceforth seemingly be known, was to me a discussion about an inconsiderate, stupid twerp who with a lack of other interesting activity, and likely under the influence, decided for no other reason than bloodymindedness to make his neighbours life hell. The sad fact if life is that there are people out there that do this, but it seems a bit tragic if with friends you can't call a spade a spade, and that there has to be some underlying ailment deserving of sympathy causing his behaviour.

I apologise in advance for any offence caused by this statement, and shall zip it forthwith.

Well - those are my sentiments too - and I also have a "black sense of humour" - life has that effect after a while...and I picked it up from my mother I guess too (only my mother and I could both burst out laughing after there had been a bit of a mini "blow-up" with a gas fire we were both sitting near:eek: - which fortunately didnt harm either of us in the slightest...).

There's not much "politically correct" about me either:rotfl: - as I think "standards are standards - regardless of the country I live in or what period of history it currently is". Hence - I only feel sorry for "victims" and certainly not for "perpetrators"...

I was brought up personally in a way where it was made very clear to me that I was not to "be a burden" to other people by doing anything that would interfere with their right to "peaceful enjoyment of their life" and do agree that a person's first duty in life is not to "mess with" other peoples lives and any illness/personality failing one has personally isnt to impact on other people in any way (having said that - we do expect to "look out for each other" as necessary obviously and help each other deal with illnesses and money problems).

Anyways....back to the drawing board - and my breakfast...

MaLarkin

Completely agree with you Joeck. I too only read now because of comments about new people "lowering the tone" of the thread. I think a few people just want to keep this thread to a select few which is such a shame because most of you are lovely and I miss you.

Bye all stay well

jackieglasgow

Who said newbies lower the tone? That's disgraceful, I never saw that at all??? Don't let that put you off at all. I am really angry about that.

lostinrates

MaLarkin wrote: »

Completely agree with you Joeck. I too only read now because of comments about new people "lowering the tone" of the thread. I think a few people just want to keep this thread to a select few which is such a shame because most of you are lovely and I miss you.

Bye all stay well

It took me YEARS to feel like posting in OS on first joining, though I read sometimes. It felt very closed shop. As a regular on the ''Debate'' board here, which I think has the worst reputation for unfriendliness and aggression..its not that itself I found off putting...but the general closing of ranks: the long term friendships and allegiances. While now I get the idea of all the moves and joined posts I still am not keen on starting new OS threads because it turned out someone found a solution to your problem in 2007 and since then its plainly foolish to have the same problem again (and no, the search function rarely throws the answer for me, but that's partly because my medical problems sometimes make finding words to search under like looking for lost keys....you know they are there, you just cannot find them!). Now, with time, it makes sense to me, the moving..but OS sometimes seems very brusque, brisk and ''closed''. what I learnt after a lot of reading is that while as a board it reads like that, as individuals the posters are not necesarly like that at all.

Its beyond my capability to remember huge numbers of people, and their families etc. Some people stick in your mind because of a query you would ask too, or a situation you can empathise with, or a shared opinion....or a very opposing opinion. e.g. on flylady and here I realise I can sound a bit cold...I tend not to congratulate births or remember long terms problems: I established that if I were to partake I couldn't hope to keep up with that sort of thing! some people stick..e.g. Bitter and Twisted likes greyhounds...I remember her well because I have a greyhound..so its easier for me to note and remember her as an individual (plus we cross paths elsewhere on the boards sometimes)


Also, ''difficult'' doesn't mean necessarily not good. The debate board, as I said, gets a bad rap- we had a spate of death threats IIRC :eek:, but together we helped arrange a modest holiday for one of our beloved regulars...noone has yet been killed, but that one of our number and their children had a good break from the normal grind, and the ''warring fractions'' pulled together to achieve it.



Personally, the thing I love about the internet is finding different views. The best answers and comments are the ones new and different to those you could ever come up with. Otherwise....why bother...rather stay within your rl and controllable social circle/family. It does somewhat mean you either stand up to say your opinion or you swallow it and move on...or like most people a mixture of both.

joeck68

I think (and in a way hope) that the 'it's tough' thread will soon close, the unpleasantness that keeps happening mean that sooner or later it will self combust. Maybe that will be a good thing as the thread is far removed from what kittie originally intended it to be, and would perhaps be better absorbed into the daily thread. Sometimes even lurking on this thread, in the hopes of picking up tips, is uncomfortable because of the tone of some of the messages. I am shocked at how rude some of u can be and am sure you would never be so abrupt if speaking face to face with someone. Maybe it's not intentional but to someone just dropping in to this thread must be pretty shocking. Some posters here are lovely, but the few who aren't really spoil it for everyone. It's such a shame.
Jo

Frugal_Dreamer

I used to read this and other 'tough' threads all the time and really enjoyed the tips etc...but this thread seems to have gone a little off the rails...I don't wish to be personal but I'm not sure what GQ's posts on IB are really doing on this forum..perhaps there are online forums for such problems that may be more use to her? and (i'm going to sound mean now) endless posts on 'how is the baby doing?' and 'have you given birth yet?' are also making it difficult to read the thread....