'In Laws' meeting each other....

minerva_windsong

I've been with my boyfriend three and a half years, we're moving in together in six weeks, and our parents still haven't met each other. To be honest I can't see it happening until we get engaged, mainly for logistical reasons (OH's parents are divorced and his dad lives in Lincolnshire so there would probably have to be two meetings because whilst his parents can be civil to each other it's not an experience his mum particularly enjoys so obviously we'd want her to be OK with it). I am also a bit nervous about the dads not getting on for political reasons. We are both the youngest children in our families and the pattern so far has been that the parents haven't met before the kids got engaged, so I'm guessing we'll be similar.

Obviously the parents could meet before that, or even afterwards, but to me the engagement feels like the point at which it makes sense to do it because of the whole joining of the two families thing.

Fuzzy_Duck

I agree with others that there's no reason they should have to meet. My boyfriend's parents have met mine but only because we were moving in together and required their help moving all our stuff! I think both sets were curious what so-and-so's mum and dad would be like, but at the same time it all felt a bit weird and awkward with everyone on their best behaviour. A sit down meal or similar would have been hellish.

I think it depends very much on what both your parents are like. If they're very sociable or share a lot of common interests they'd probably quite enjoy meeting up. In my case however it was a bit hard as my boyfriend's from a more priviliged background than me- I think my parents found it difficult to get past that and so determined they make a good impression that it stressed them out. I'd never willingly put them through that again.

Gleek

building_with_lego wrote: »

Blimey, I feel a bit odd now
My parents send OH's mum, dad and sister birthday and xmas cards and presents, and talk on the phone. They've met a few times and make the effort, when visiting us, to drop in on my f-i-l up the road. Bless.
:

My brothers in laws think of us all as one big family, they live in a different town but we still see each other frequently and they do birthday/christmas/brought-back-from-holiday presents and the like too

pinkshoes

My gran and my other grandparents have been at my parents house for Christmas every year since forever, and my grandparents even travelled the 450 mile round trip to my gran's funeral last August!

Saying that, me and OH have a 3 month old son, but our parents have never met...

Why not pick a pub for a Sunday lunch, as surely everyone likes Sunday lunch, it's not expensive, and if they really hate each other, then they can make their excuses after eating and leave!?

Threebabes

Ive been with my husband nearly 18 years. In that time my in-laws have met my divorced parents once each. I know they can't stand my SIL husbands parents and moan about her, so Im happy with that.

amandada

meritaten wrote: »

If you think your family and his are 'chalk and cheese' then dont let them meet until the wedding! honestly hun, they dont need to bond! and if they havent all met before then they will be on 'best behaviour'?

We had similar, in fact chalk and cheese isn't strong enough to describe it! They met at the wedding then never again-but not in a nasty way, all they had in common was their kids being married

Primrose

I think you'll find that unless respective in-laws live fairly close to each other, in most families there is probably little contact between them except perhaps the courteous Christmas card with a few friendly comments written in it. Our respective parents met at our engagement celebraion and the wedding, and some years later, my parents accommodated my f-i-l for 3 weeks at their seaside home to allow him to recouperate after some serious surgery. He didn't even send a thank-you letter afterwards until my OH told him how hurt my parents were about the lack of good manners. After that, they both kept on their own side of the fences!

Nixer

My partner and I have been together almost ten years and our mums haven't met and are unlikely to. It's not something that bothers us (or the mums) although it might be a bit unusual I guess. Someone at work turned purple and said "that's really really weird!" on discovering this, but that's people at work for you.

onlyroz

Our parents met for the first time at the wedding - and they've met maybe half-a-dozen times since then. They send each other Christmas cards and get along OK, but there's no particular reason for them all to become cozy buddies, so they don't.

Guinea_2

My husband & I have been together for twelve years and our parents met the day before our wedding run through. This was three & a half years ago & they haven't seen each other since. I don't see why they should. My husband's parents are my in-laws & in reality, nothing to my parents and vice versa.

Are you planning on getting married? If not then I personally don't see why there's a need for them to meet unless one of them has mentioned they'd like to meet the other?