'In Laws' meeting each other....

building_with_lego

Blimey, I feel a bit odd now
My parents send OH's mum, dad and sister birthday and xmas cards and presents, and talk on the phone. They've met a few times and make the effort, when visiting us, to drop in on my f-i-l up the road. Bless.

I actually wonder whether they're making up for our family background- large-ish extended family but never get together- plus a 20 year estrangement between siblings. :eek:

Plans_all_plans

My parents and in-laws do the same with cards for Christmas/b'days, anniversaries, bereavements etc. I don't think it's odd at all. Both families are large and everyone in the extended families get along, so I don't see anything odd in it at all. I do find the notion of shutting people off from each other extremely strange through.

menollyke

I wish both sets of parents could get along, cause it would make things a lot easier. The inlaws really would like to get to know my parents and invite them over for diner whenever my parents are over here. (my parents do live in Holland, so there is also a language barrier) Strangely enough it is my dad who is completely fine with this and doesn't speak english, but my mum who does speak english is refusing every time.

They now only meet when there is a childrens party or at our wedding. I find it weird cause we used to go over to my inlaws very frequently, but whenever my parents are here for a week I feel the inlaws can't see their grandson. There is also no way of doing something together. Christmas and such are horrendeus, even though my parents are invited over to the inlaws for christmas diner and presents. (but my mum refuses)

Since having our first we are unable to have our parents over in our house so they have to stay in a hotel which is expensive. Inlaws have offered they can stay with them for a week at the time so they don't have to pay for a hotel, but again my mum refuses.

So I think my mum doesn't like the inlaws, but than find out she is sending them a christmas card with a nice message in it. She also has send over a present. Now I am stuck in the middle for explaining to the inlaws that my mum doesn't want contact, but does want to do the right thing with christmas cards etc.

Would be so much easier if they could just get along, or at least try to get along. Luckily my parents don't come to my birthday (seeing that it is christmas day and they want to stay home for my brother and their work) But they do come to my partners birthday, which means we have trouble seeing the inlaws on their sons birthday. (my partners birthday is the day before our sons)

meritaten

If you think your family and his are 'chalk and cheese' then dont let them meet until the wedding! honestly hun, they dont need to bond! and if they havent all met before then they will be on 'best behaviour'?

Agutka

We were together 6 years when they met at OH's birthday... ten days before the wedding . Got on fine, no problems - they live at opposite sides of the country and get on whenever they run into each other - Mother likes to talk, MIL is a good listener :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

The Queen doesn't intend to meet Kate's parents until the day of the wedding. I know that she's the grandma not the mother, but if it's good enough for her ...

Our parents knew each other from way back. However relationships became slightly strained when I had a blazing row with my mother just after getting engaged, I was meant to be staying there for a couple of days but I walked out and went to my MIL to-be. They are polite enough to each other, but my mother doesn't really talk to people who aren't family. Her family. DH isn't part of her family ...

Gavin83

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I think it is nice for them to meet, as it gives the other couple an understanding of where their child's husband/wife has come from, why they do the things they do etc.

Why are either of these necessary?

I've been with my OH for 4 years now and our parents haven't met. The only time they'll ever meet and ever need to meet is at our wedding. I actually think they'd get on ok, it just seems incredibly pointless to me unless there is a reason to. It might be slightly different if they lived down the road from each other but there is several hundred miles difference between their locations.

They do send xmas cards and presents to each other though.

pigpen

never!

They don't have to have a relationship with each other just because their offspring have.

Though my OH's mum met my mother the day our daughter was born. I think it was probably DS1's baptism when my mother first met the outlaws... I tried not to repeat the experience.. the meeting not the baptisms.

mintymoneysaver

I suppose sometimes it depends on how old you are when you meet, and whether you live at home at the time. I was 18 when I met OH, and he was 21 but both lived at home. I think our parents met within a few weeks. They had a lot in common ( church etc) and knew people in common. Looking back on it now, they probably didn't meet AS much before we had children but we did all go on holiday together ( along with a lot of other friends) within a year,as that's when we got engaged!

My mum is the same with my sister's in laws, but we knew his family already ( she'd already gone out with his brother!) She has my in laws over for Christmas dinner, and her other in laws over on New Year's Day!

My 17 year old has got herself a new boyfriend and I have already met his mum, she's invited me in for a cup of tea when I've dropped her off etc.

busiscoming2

My dd has been living with her bf for about 3 years now and us parents haven't met, but then again she lives in Dublin and the bf's parents live in Southern Ireland, so even when we visit they aren't in the vicinity. I don't think there is any need to meet them, in fact probably a good thing as I think we live completely different lives and so wouldn't have much, if anything in common.

I wouldn't engineer it, if it happens it happens!