'In Laws' meeting each other....

charlie792

This may sound a bit like a silly question but when is a reasonable time for 'in laws' to meet each other?

Me and my partner have been together almost 3 years, and moved in together 6 months ago, we've both spent a lot of time with each others families and know them well, but neither side of the families have ever actually met each other!
I can't help but feel that maybe its got to the point that they should have met each other by now....

It was originally planned that when me and my partner moved in together that both our families would be helping us so I figured a good chance to get to know one another, but my folks cancelled on us so it was just his family - hence they've still never met.

Id love to suggest that they meet - go out for a meal or something but then it raises so many issues, they live far apart for a start and I doubt there would be anywhere to go that everyone would agree on and Im so worried that both sets of families wouldn't get on too well....my dad can be a bit hard to get on with if you don't get his humour and OH's dad is incredibly opinionated just for starters...

I don't know if this is something I really need to worry about or not - I suppose in a way Im not that bothered but there again I can't help but feel leaving it even longer might be bad...If it ever came to it I certainly wouldn't want the first time for them to meet to be at our wedding (that is just a 'what if' mind - we're not engaged)

Any thoughts on this?

soupdragon10

Are either you or OH having a birthday in the near future? Could be the perfect reason for a family celebration and doesn't put pressure on either set of parents for an occasion just for them to meet.

Counting_Pennies_2

Really and truly the only times both sides would need to see one another is for big family events, your wedding, your children's Christenings etc.

Both sides met soon after we got engaged (after nearly 10 years together) and that was so they knew one anothers faces before our big day.

It was excruitiatingly painful. Both families have different ideas on life and what it is to have a nice time. My family were the only people who managed to misbehave at the wedding. Felt we were being rude having our photos taken, and that we weren't keeping them informed of the day. I wrote out a huge A4 plan of the day, including times, menus, and where rest breaks would be. Put on transport, provided every meal for them and put them up in a hotel for two days.

I manage to speak fondly about one another to the other side, and keep meetings to a minimum. My children's Christenings have been the only events they have seen one another. So in well over a decade they have seen one another three times.

My mother unfortunately has a dreadful habit of writing to my mother in law complaining about life and my mother in law reporting back, and making me feel guilty! If I could ban her from communicating with the inlaws it would be fine! If I had had my time again I would not have provided addresses for one another!

viktory

I'm not sure why you feel that they have to meet? I have been married for 20 years and the families have met each other once - at the wedding. Personally, I see no reason why they would meet more often, they are very different people and lives miles away from each other. Having said that, if you are determined to bring the two families together, why not cook a meal at home, or arrange a meal out?

vesper

I don't think there is a right or wrong time as it's different for everyone. Why don't you invite everyone out for a meal for yours or your partner's birthday? It's a very neutral situation then.
Me and my partner have been together for 8 years now and the In-laws still haven't met.

BB1984

Mine and DH's parents didn't meet each other until we were engaged...which was over 5 years since we first met!

Our families "get on", but are very different so they'll never be best buddies.

I wouldn't worry too much - I'm sure an event will happen at some point which will get everyone together without the pressure of an organised meeting such as a meal out.

I have friends whose families all met within a couple of months, and all had xmas together within a year - I think that's weird (but they thought we were weird, so horses for courses I guess!)

BB

pink_princess

Our families haven t met and we get married in a few days time.Its been 7 years since we got together .I don t see it as an issue,they ll meet then .

Plans_all_plans

My husband's parents and mine met up for a meal after my graduation, but I was already pregnant at this time (and we weren't married/engaged) My parents also stayed with his for a few days after the graduation to get to know each other (I think they were worried about how we'd cope with a baby as we were young etc and so wanted to get off on the right foot altogether)

My sister doesnt live with her boyfriend - they've been together about 5 years and my parents and his have met a good few times for meals etc.

I think it is nice for them to meet, as it gives the other couple an understanding of where their child's husband/wife has come from, why they do the things they do etc.

Invite them all to yours for a nice home cooked meal when your local travelodge has a cheap offer on and pay for their hotel stay (you can get double rooms for £9)

belfastgirl23

I reckon at this point if you invite both families over formally they'll be expecting an announcement - engagement or pregnancy. Be prepared for a lot of staring at your tummy if you go this route

I reckon engineer a meeting at a birthday/housewarming/christmas etc. Or do give them something to celebrate

charlie792

soupdragon10 wrote: »

Are either you or OH having a birthday in the near future? Could be the perfect reason for a family celebration and doesn't put pressure on either set of parents for an occasion just for them to meet.

Well its my 21st in August - but I don't plan on doing anything, certainly won't be spending it with my family - infact our tenancy ends that day so I might even be moving house.... not that I mind as I hate my birthdays (cant stand being centre of attention).

It really more than anything would be an issue of where to meet.... Our families arnt huge but are fairly close, so in total would be 10 of us.
Neither of thier houses would be suitable (each have dogs that do not like strangers....hours of hell trying to settle them) nor would our flat due to size...
Really only leaves a restaurant but our familes are totally different. My family is fussy as hell but are happy with whatever is cheap whereas his are pretty well off and like to eat at pricey places - last meal out with his extended family cost over £400!! (fine if they're paying ). We certainly couldn't foot the bill for a meal for 10 either...
To be fair making arrangements with my family is nigh on impossible - dad works all hours under the sun, my mum is always cancelling, my sister would probably only come if she could bring whoever she happens to be seeing at the time....

I suppose Im not that fussed in reality and I could be done without all the hassle - Im glad to know that everyone one else isn't shocked that everyone hasn't met, puts my mind at ease a bit

Counting_Pennies_2

Goodness, well even more reason for them not to meet up!