Is there something wrong with me?

dobs

I thought what you put was really sweet and lovely too, absolutely agree with Red Doe, there are still girls out there who want someone sweet and romantic so don't change yourself to try and meet someone as they may turn out to be the wrong one, just be yourself, it will happen!! x

sashadesade

I doubt there's anything wrong with you, it can just take time to meet the right person. Just be careful about coming on too strong and scaring people off - if you said all this to me on a first date for example, I think I'd run a mile!

Errata

Just because you have a shop full of chocolate doesn't mean it all has to go in the window. Keep your heart somewhere safe, like your wallet, not on your sleeve where it can be bumped and bruised by any passer by.
Make friends with people, one of them may turn into something more, and don't give people the full on you until they are ready for it - it's not all about you.

Kate78

My OH had been single for an age before we got together (bar a couple of unsuccessful encounters which left his confidence bruised). He is a romantic, sensitive type, and I love and respect that.

Don't try to change yourself to please some imagined "ideal woman", because you will be somebody's ideal man just as you are.

Do everything to maximise meeting people, but don't get too attached to the outcome of finding someone special. Enter with a spirit of meeting some nice people, having fun and feeling more comfortable with company, pursuing a hobby, joining a class of some sort (for some reason foreign language night classes always have a high female:male ratio in my experience).

mrcow

Scotty1.7 wrote: »

The line in a few Love songs (old and new) of ' you leave me breathless'- its not just a line, its a feeling.


.......

I want to lie under the stars with you, watching the moon, hoping to see a shooting star to make a wish
I want to sit by the window cuddled up under a blanket watching the rain outside run down the window, but still see the blue sky cause your there
I want someone to have that smile on there face when there with me and for it to brighten the darkest days, not matter what has happened or how bad work has been.
I want to be there for them, there best friend, there shoulder when they need to cry on it, there rock when they need support, there shelter from the storm.

Okay - you read that and think that you're a romantic.

I read that and think "bunny boiler"

Seriously. Try being a bit more normal and these things will come to you anyway. If you're too desperate, you're only ever going to attract the wrong sort of attention.

rozmister

The problem with having a long list of all the things you think you should be doing when you meet that special one is that you may not let things just grow organically.

I've watched the stars with my now bf (amazing first date), cuddled up to him when it's rained and cared for him when he was going through a rough patch (and vice versa). But the bits that stick close in my heart and make a tug in my tummy aren't any of those things. It's the fact he surprises me with my favourite sweets and always remembers what they are, it's the fact that even though it drives me CRAZY he doesn't text me to ask if he wants to do anything after work during the day when he calls me 2 minutes after my shift and offers to come get me I still know in a heartbeat I'll spend my evening with him, it's that sometimes I wake up and in his sleep his cuddling me so tight I can't breathe or the really sweet card he bought me for christmas because he struggles to talk about his feelings. The bits I love most about my boyfriend aren't the bits book told me I would or the bits I fantasised about when I'd got in from another date with a complete loser they're the little moments that are special for just the two of us.

What I'm trying to say is if you are focused on what you THINK your relationship should be like when you find the right girl you're going to miss all the little bits along the way and you'll put pressure on you and her to do certain things. It's like going on holiday with a long list of stuff you want to do while you're there- you'll just get stressed about doing it all and doing it right and miss the real flavour.

Good luck finding someone and I know being told to relax doesn't help when you're worried about something but like suggested take up a hobby that gives something just for you and enjoy that rather than rushing and pushing for your idea of a relationship and love. It never works like you want it to and it always creeps up on you when you least expect it. I fell for my bf 7 weeks after I declared myself 'off men to find myself'.

poet123

balletshoes wrote: »

Aw bless you OP, I read your list of things you want to do with someone - I haven't done any of them with my OH and he'd just look at me like I'd gone off my rocker if I suggested them :rotfl::rotfl:.

I have lain under the stars on a clear still night with my best friends and talked for hours, I actually remember lying in a field looking at the sky for ages with my sisters one evening too when we were kids, these memories are so clear to me that they could have occurred last night, they are so special to me.

You'll find the right someone, you sound like a confident together lady now (but I also wouldn't be saying that "mushy" stuff to any bloke I'd just met or had a few dates with, unless I wanted him to disappear).

Reading through the post I thought the OP was a man?

balletshoes

lol I've just this minute edited my post because clearly he is :rotfl: - sorry OP.

missindecisive

op- after reading your post my first thoughts were 'how strange' ! you strike me as desperate for relationship which would make a lot of people run a mile. you seem to have a overly romanticised view of what it would be like to share your life with that special someone. wishing you luck

foreign_correspondent

down to practicalities - what are you doing to meet people? Internet dating is worth a try, but you may need to think about what you have to offer, and what you are looking for first.

All your ideas are a bit 'pie in the sky' romanticism - all well and good, but real life isn't like the films. For me, a good relationship is about mutual respect (and you say you are respectful, which is good), honesty, integrity and compromise. You seem like an honest, open sort of chap, which is also good, but you do seem like you are looing for someone to make your life complete - and that your aspirations are perhaps a little unrealistic. Day to day life is really mostly about sleeping, eating, working, putting the bin out, housework etc... whether single or in a couple.

I'm female, and I'm not overly 'romantic' - but for me, the big significant things someone could do for me wouldnt necessarily be about cliched gestures, but about being there for someone when the going gets tough, being a good friend, being on the same side, doing a fair share of the contributing, whether financially or around the house and putting the kettle on at times of stress!

Also, anyone too needy or clingy worries me - I haven't got the energy or desire to make someone else's life complete, especially if they are unhappy to start off with - I want someone to be an equal, not a dependant. I got out of a long term relationship last year, where the other party constantly made me feel as if I wasn't doing enough to ensure their happiness.. whatever I did was taken for granted, and not enough... and only the things I didn't do for him seemed to be noticed... I only realise now how worn down that made me feel, and I will run for the hills from anyone who exhibits signs of that sort of neediness/dependancy again! I am independant, and can manage my own life, and I want a man who can do the same!