MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: What's more important - MoneySaving or Santa?

Poppy9

yf1001 wrote:

...........
another said that £50 is about the right amount to spend on they`re child - really? a whole pound a week is what you`re child is worth in you`re eyes?

I don't think it matters what you spend so long as the gifts are well thought out. Personally I think £50 on toys for a young child is plenty as they don't play with most expensive things!!

yf1001 wrote:

i would just like to end by asking anyone who has taken the time to read this rather long post to sit back in the chair you are sitting in and close you`re eyes just for 60 seconds and think back to when you were a young child on christmas morning,look through the eyes of a child again and remember how quickly you grew up and it was all lost!

but it's not so much the presents I remember more the feeling of anticipation and excitement that he'd been.

yf1001

Poppy9 wrote:

I don't think it matters what you spend so long as the gifts are well thought out. Personally I think £50 on toys for a young child is plenty as they don't play with most expensive things!!

but it's not so much the presents I remember more the feeling of anticipation and excitement that he'd been.

@poppy9

sorry but you have totally missed the point i was trying to make.
it wasn`t about how much money you spend on you`re children it was about seeing christmas from they`re point of view and how much you`re children mean to you.
a lot of people are hung up on the giving presents side of christmas but it is so much more.in my house my children are as high as kites in the week before christmas and my youngest 2 ask every night is it tomorrow santa comes,i get as excited as them on christmas morning and i have to be the first one downstairs to stick the old trusty christmas cd on and dig the video camera out. as we get older christmas seems to lose much of the magic it once had when we were kids and it is a shame it gets forgotten.

the_glw

This is the first time I've been moved to post, but I often read and enjoyed the threads. Anyhow...
When my first three children were born, between 17 and 21 years ago, my husband had a real problem with Father Christmas. He felt that children shouldn't be lied to etc. (He has worked with children with mental health problems for over 25 years.) I felt that there had to be a mid line to take, somewhere between the brutal truth and the total over the top fairy tale, just so they enjoyed Christmas and didn't spoil it for other children they might come into contact with. We settled on 'Father Christmas only brings whatever goes in the stocking at the end of the bed' - which is what I notice Silly1 has said too. This has fared us well through the first three and is continuing to do so with our six year old. (Yes, I do have to do them for the others still!) They have always been delighted with the contents of the stocking, usually one of dad's football socks. (Get your child to choose a stocking that has a match, then it can be filled somewhere other than the end of the bed and simply swapped over to minimise the chance of waking the children up. Took me a few years to work this one out!)
You can get an awful lot of stuff for a 6 and an 8 year old without spending much at all - the magic is worth far more than the contents of the stocking. My staples are a long tube of sweets with a comic wrapped around it, a carton of juice, a new toothbrush and the orange in the toe and the chocolate coins. Add to that a cheap toy such as those found in the pound shops and whatever else you fancy. My 6 year old was totally delighted with the 'Harry Potter' sword (that's what he said it was anyway) a couple of years ago, and my 19 year old still remembers about 10 years ago when I found a police set both found in the £1 shop!
As for the 'bogus' Santas - I am totally upfront about them certainly not being the 'real' ones!
One year, about 10 years ago, we heard the three of them comparing notes about what was in their stockings at some unearthly hour - my son said 'Father Christmas has brought me some drugs'.....to which my sleepy husband replied, 'They're jumping beans, soft lad....'

sluggy1967

yf1001 wrote:

i would just like to end by asking anyone who has taken the time to read this rather long post to sit back in the chair you are sitting in and close you`re eyes just for 60 seconds and think back to when you were a young child on christmas morning,look through the eyes of a child again and remember how quickly you grew up and it was all lost!

Hear Hear, it wasn't until I read this bit that I remembered how the build up to xmas was 1000 times better than xmas day itself even when I was really young. Really magical.

Also, I think you are right, it is no use moaning about the cost of xmas when you have children - it comes with the territory, it's like having to buy shoes or school uniform, it's just one of those things that comes around & you know you've just gotta take the hit for it (without spending over the top, of course). My parents weren't well off - I was brought up in a council house and we couldn't even afford a car (something every one of my friends' parents had) but we didn't feel neglected, because at xmas we seemed to get about 100 presents (sometimes it was something that must have cost about 10p, but it was as exciting as opening any other present) and our birthdays were our own "special" day too - no fancy parties or anything so grand, just made to feel like it was "Your" day.

We have very little money, but I can guarantee that my son will be opening yet another xmas present on or around New Year's day because we spin it out over the course of a number of days and sometimes the present is simply a colouring book. It doesn't matter to him, he is thrilled with it. On xmas day he will be faced with a mountain of presents but will only open 1 or 2 so that he really appreciates every little thing he has got. I can't be doing with all these people that let their kids rip open everything in a few minutes. How ungrateful!

Finally, I can only say that as a 39 yr old I still get excited by xmas, still think of xmas eve when I desperately tried to stay awake to hear Santa's reindeer flying through the sky, and when my husband asks me what I want for xmas tell him with honesty that I would rather have 100 presents costing £1 than 1 pressie costing £100. I just LOVE opening presents! I get about 10 puzzle books a yr as a result, (and enough chocolate to last me to Easter), who needs expensive gifts?

taxspider

I've read this thread with interest and, as ever, a few things spring to mind.

None of us seem to 'do Christmas' quite the same as each other, leading to some potential minefields with other peoples' children. My OH had always wrapped the stocking presents for his children, whereas I had never wrapped them for mine. This was fine till the first year we all had xmas together. We compromised (the presents went unwrapped lol, money and time saving).

OH had also always said that the big presents were from Santa, whereas I had always given big presents from mum and dad and santa only brought small stuff. But kids are adaptable, and some are more interested in the fact they have a present than where it actually came from, so fortunately that didn't cause major problems.

It was my older sister who told me that santa did not exist - she had found stockings full of presents in my mum's sewing room and took me to see them. I can't remember exactly how I felt (I'm 41 and this was probably 33 years ago) but I don't recall feeling cheated. I'm not sure if my 9yo still believes, but, like asking them if they're ok with mum and dad being divorced, it's not a question you want to ask in case you don't like the answer. I don't go overboard to maintain the myth, but I don't dismiss santa out of hand either. The almost-15yo is useful in that respect - I can ask him if he thinks his younger brother still believes, knowing that he wouldn't bust the myth but would give me a fair response.

My ex and I agreed that santa was a figure with whose existence we'd go along, but that we wouldn't make a huge thing of it. Our boys were bright enough to ask things like "how can this santa see all the children in the world if he's at the local garden centre each day?" - fair point - so we said that he was actually a helper, one of many, so that santa could get on.

You tend to do what your parents did, and so my kids have always had small stuff in their stockings and big stuff under the tree from mum and dad, but neighbours of mine give the big stuff from santa, and this led to a near embarrassment one xmas when I asked if the drum kit was from the parents - always check this one out if socialising with friends around the big day.

I do remember one xmas though, when my mum, trying to sort out stockings for my (much) younger siblings, found she had just bought too much stuff. She ended up keeping some for birthdays. I now keep a list of what stocking stuff I have bought and if I see something else I consult the list first to make sure it's not OTT.

The magical side of things is nice, even if your kids are just going along with it, and in our house non-believers still get stockings. OH and I always get 3 or 4 things to put into a joint stocking for us both - liqueur chocs, massage oil, a naughty book off the 2nd hand stall on the market, scented candles - and one year I cut up a doily and scattered the pieces across the landing to show where the reindeer shook off the snow. Daft, but nice.

But on the more practical side of things, my youngest is really into the lego star wars game for PS2 (a present from his dad) so I told him I could only get the game 2nd hand and would that be ok. He said yes, because he knows pre-owned (the posh title) games work just as well and you get what you hope for rather than something you'd never use.

I guess it boils down to how you've set things up - if santa has always brought the big expensive stuff and then times turn hard, you've got a job on your hands to explain the difference. If santa has always brought a bit of chocolate, some bubble bath and a game of top trumps then hard times are easier to explain, even if you still don't feel any better about it.

Now, can anyone tell me where I might get an ipod nano 2 gig for less than £50? From me, btw, not santa!

Monita_2

Its amazing how many atheists insist that children should not be indoctrinated into any religion and should wait until they are older and allow them to decide for themselves, yet the very same people insist on telling their children that a mythical figure (santa ) exists. I believed in santa till I was informed by my older siblings that he was not real, my disappointment was huge so I decided never to lie to my children and they still had great surprises on Christmas morning.

morpork42

Monita.....Its amazing how many atheists insist that children should not be indoctrinated into any religion and should wait until they are older and allow them to decide for themselves

You cannot compare a childhood fantasy with religion.

Christmas is allegedly the birth of christ, but was originally a pagan festival, santa was brought in much later but i am not sure how.

Although santa and jesus are both mythical figures, santa doesn't cause fighting and hatred.

And before anyone goes on about how religion helps with morals etc, i don't don't see why you have to be religious to have morals. There are plenty of people that are religious that don't have morals.

I don't "believe" but have no problem with those that do, whatever ther religion.

It just has nothing to with santa.

Logovo69

yf1001 wrote:

well,well,well it`s good to see scrooge is alive and well in this forum.

another said that £50 is about the right amount to spend on they`re child - really? a whole pound a week is what you`re child is worth in you`re eyes?

i am 37 years old and have 3 children 3,5,14 i am on minimum wage so not a lot of money and my children dont get much throughout the year,only a couple of small presents for birthdays,therefore at christmas i try to push the boat out and make it extra special for them

my wife and i have money problems just like everyone else here so we start buying christmas presents in february and we go without things for ourselves throughout the year ( and i aint joking ive only got two pairs of trousers to my name lol )

did you not think about budgeting for a child? to me my children and they`re happiness come before any bill

I must admit I was a little hurt by some of your comments. It's okay, I don't bite! No arguements here but may I make some points please?

My child isn't worth £50 to me. He's priceless! I DO budget for Christmas, but I cannot save more money than I have to start with!! There are many weeks when it is literally a choice between putting a few pounds aside for Christmas or putting food on the table. I am not joking here. Feeding my son comes first every time. And there are times when I have gone without meals because my son needs shoes or a coat.

Part of loving my son is making sure that he is safe and secure. If I don't pay the bills and our ulilites are cut off, or our home is repossessed, I honestly don't think that would make for a wonderful time for him. We pay our bills before anything else. Doesn't mean we can't and don't make our son happy, doesn't mean we don't love him. My son loves Christmas and no not for the presents. He told me only yesterday he can't wait for Christmas because the house is 'glowing' with a 'cool' feeling!

My husband and I DO both go without. You have 2 pair of trousers? So does hubby. I have 2 skirts. Being only 5ft, size 4 shoe, I now wear my son's cast-offs! - That is true!

I buy things for my son through the year too, always when they are heavily discounted. And no, they are not "cheap & nasty tacky plastic toys"!

I honestly do appreciate your point of view, but there are many families who have very little and are doing their best for their children. It's not a case of "Will not" but "Can not".

Okay dokey, end of points apart from this thought. Your children obviously have a very loving and caring Dad, and bless you for that. I hope you all have a wonderful and magical Christmas.

Love Suzyxx

irishwench69

Logovo69 wrote:

I must admit I was a little hurt by some of your comments. It's okay, I don't bite! No arguements here but may I make some points please?

My child isn't worth £50 to me. He's priceless! I DO budget for Christmas, but I cannot save more money than I have to start with!! There are many weeks when it is literally a choice between putting a few pounds aside for Christmas or putting food on the table. I am not joking here. Feeding my son comes first every time. And there are times when I have gone without meals because my son needs shoes or a coat.

I honestly do appreciate your point of view, but there are many families who have very little and are doing their best for their children. It's not a case of "Will not" but "Can not".

Okay dokey, end of points apart from this thought. Your children obviously have a very loving and caring Dad, and bless you for that. I hope you all have a wonderful and magical Christmas.

Love Suzyxx

Suzy,

Read this with a tear in my eye - you sound like a *wonderful* mum......your son is very lucky......

:T :A

My partner and I have enough money to have a comfortable xmas, but I think it is really important to let your kids find out about santa on their own......why force some "truths" on them, no matter how well meaning your intentions?!

Some really great posts on here - glad the feeling of xmas is still there somewhere

IW xx

Logovo69

irishwench69 wrote:

Suzy,

I think it is really important to let your kids find out about santa on their own......why force some "truths" on them, no matter how well meaning your intentions?!

Many thanks for that, bless you. I think you may have misunderstood my stand on Santa. I have not stopped my son believing in him (see the first post after Martin's on page 1). My son doesn't believe in Santa now (He's 11 and sussed it was Dad and I leaving his goodies and eating the mince pie a few months ago!), but I did bring him up to believe in Santa with the words that "Father Christmas will alway exist as long as you believe in him and hold him in your heart". Now that he has stopped believing, he understands what that really means.

I know that some people don't like to tell their children about Santa, and we thought long and hard about whether we would or not, but to see the magic of belief light up a child's eyes, the wonderment they hold, that has been a very precious and special thing. My son's belief has come to it's natural and gradual conclusion. When he asked me if it was Dad or me that put his stocking in his room, I didn't know what to say at first, but then he gave me that lovely cheeky grin of his, said he had thought it was us last Christmas, and gave me a big hug with the simple words "Thanks mum".

It really is personal choice. Every parent is different as is every child. I've read of people on here feeling let down when they found out the truth, and I feel genuine sadness for them. Perhaps we are just lucky with our son. We have our ups and downs with him, the same as every parent does with their children, but at the end of the day, for our family personally, I think 'Santa' will remain as a special fond memory, not just for my son, but for his Dad and I too.

Love Suzyxx