Any Advice Please!!!

barnaby-bear

Bluediamond wrote:

Apart from Barnaby..what a stupid comment to make on this site of all sites ..We are all here to help you and get you back on track. Sx

No it wasn't unless you face up to where and why the money went you can't resolve the issue - blaming the bank for lending doesn't resolve the issue.

barnaby-bear

Richard_S wrote:

Very frank response barnaby, must be a blessing to be so completely free of human frailty.

However, in the real world, Messedup does raise a pertinent question, why is it that a publican or barstaff can be prosecuted for selling alcohol to someone who is under the influence, yet financial institutions are free to lend money recklessly without facing prosecution for the misery that they create?

Rich

And how many alcoholics do you think were saved by prosecuting barstaff... I'd guess none. Debt is a pattern nearing and sometimes an addiction changing the lifestyle / mindset is the solution IMO.

luckylukey

I personally think that you should tell your partner. Your income is only £350 in comparision to his £1200. You should sit down and tell him exactly what is happening and reshuffle your spending. What happens if he finds out - dont you think he would be crosser if you hadnt told him?

I think that as others have said , you have done the first step - admitting that you need help sorting this debt out - and you have come to the right place!

I would look at reducing the food bill - there are fab menu planners on the money saving old/style board,

good luck!!

pudding06

Did you post you aprs and actually debt amounts?

I worked out ( dead chuffed cos brain working today) that yu have £77 left over from your soa before you start cutting down BUT
do you have access to that ie was the money listed actually available to you or does your partner keep part of the income listed?

If you have £77 plus you could reduce your house keeping then that will give you something to pay back with.

what payments are you making now ?
what are the debts, amounts and interest rates?
how much are the min payments theyre asking for?

Feel free to ignore unhelpful postings on here - including mine - some peoiple have their own agenda I think but most of (us) DFW's are wonderfully supportive.

oh and if your daughter likes being individual - peaches geldof shops at charity shops as well as designer!!!!!!!! couldnt get much more individual than her.

pudds

tryhard_2

hi,
looking at your SOA there is scope for very few changes; as mentioned before if you can reduce your food expenses it will free up money towards debt. at present you are using 20% of your family income towards food which is a lot. if you post a list of ingredients in you fridge/freezer/storecupboards on the old style forum people will help you plan meals and lunches.

anniestar

Hi welcome to the site. Your situatuion is made worse (INMHO) by your feeling of total isolation in that you feel that you cant talk to your husband and feel that if you did do so then your marrage would be in danger. We got into difficulties due to my husband becomming very seriously ill out of the blue. I had to keep various debts from him(as he had enough pressure on him just trying to get better) I found that I wa SO much more stressed(I wasn't hiding new debts just exact ammounts etc to try to ease his worries) This is SUCH a hard thing to try to do. My DH KNEW, they were our outgoings-so I simply cannot begin to immagine what you are going through. PLEASE think carefuly, are you totaly sure that he will react in the way that you fear? Yes you have spent money that you haven't got but you are taking responsibility for your actions AND some of the money went on your children-joint responsibility I think.Regarding your daughter I totally agree with puds(another teacher!) set her a challenge regarding clothes she may well enjoy it- you can't spend what you don't have.But if you truly think he will leave because of a debt then I think you have far bigger worris than simply debt. I hope this doesn't sound like i'm preaching but marrage is a partnership and being able to be open and to share things is vital. Please keep posting, people will give you good advice and help. Take care. By the way i'm proud to be one of the "hugging brigade" a hug never did anyone any harm!!

bride2be2006

Hi there Annie

I am new to this site too, so not very good with the advice as yet! Just wanted to say, I spend around the same as you on food - I am trying to cut down as I know its a lot to spend but I just LOVE food!!! I shopped at Asda as usual last week and bought all the smart price stuff and only spent 49 quid which is much better than my usual of over a hundred! The products I have tried seem fine so far and neither daughter nor other half has complained!

I am doing a car boot sale on Sunday, we are having a major clear out this week and selling everything that is not tied down!!!

Try not to worry and do get round to telling your OH - I had a loan which I had not confessed about to mine and it worried me sick, when i finally plucked up courage he was fine about it! Good Luck

HHH_2

I made my first post today and I feel for you particularly as you havent told your OH I havent either and it causes me a lot of worry almost as much as the debt. I cant offer any advice only my understanding of how scary it is to think about telling them. I wish you luck I'll let you know if I pluck up the courage to tell him.

Messed_Up_3

anniestar wrote:

Hi welcome to the site. Your situatuion is made worse (INMHO) by your feeling of total isolation in that you feel that you cant talk to your husband and feel that if you did do so then your marrage would be in danger. We got into difficulties due to my husband becomming very seriously ill out of the blue. I had to keep various debts from him(as he had enough pressure on him just trying to get better) I found that I wa SO much more stressed(I wasn't hiding new debts just exact ammounts etc to try to ease his worries) This is SUCH a hard thing to try to do. My DH KNEW, they were our outgoings-so I simply cannot begin to immagine what you are going through. PLEASE think carefuly, are you totaly sure that he will react in the way that you fear? Yes you have spent money that you haven't got but you are taking responsibility for your actions AND some of the money went on your children-joint responsibility I think.Regarding your daughter I totally agree with puds(another teacher!) set her a challenge regarding clothes she may well enjoy it- you can't spend what you don't have.But if you truly think he will leave because of a debt then I think you have far bigger worris than simply debt. I hope this doesn't sound like i'm preaching but marrage is a partnership and being able to be open and to share things is vital. Please keep posting, people will give you good advice and help. Take care. By the way i'm proud to be one of the "hugging brigade" a hug never did anyone any harm!!

anniestar,

Thankyou for your support and hug, need that, and the advice is great, I do know that hubby will react in the way that I am fearing, but I need to tell him, I am scared, he is my world and I know that he loves me too, but I am still scared, I don't want to tell him before christmas, because that will ruin it for the kids, and thats just not fair, however I have said that I didn't want to entertain this christmas, as it is expensive and I seem to always be the one who is stuck with that bloody turkey...
This is a nightmare, I should be so happy now, I have a beautiful family, I was picked for a TV show, which did change the way I felt about myself, made me all positive about my furture and then the debt ruined that, I just want to get my act together clear it, and start my new life with my family on a high, I am a good cook, so working with what I have should be easy for me, plus there is sooo much food in the cupboards I should really not even need to go shopping for a while.
Will do a MENU I promise.
This morning was not a good one, hubby showed me the shopping list, and I just said, yeah yeah will get it later, when you only have 37.00 left in your bank it's impossible, just can't do it, need to save that.
Have asked my daughter this morning if she has any friends locally that could take her, she is going to check that out for me today, even if we do alternate weeks thats gonna help.
Off to write a menu now, hmm Gordon Ramsey is bricking himself xxx
Messed UP!

lynzpower

Messed up

For someone that likes cooking with a cupbaord full of stuff there shoulod be no problem in "getting it eaten" as my dad would say.

Go throughg your bathroom as well, and cleaning cupbaord & work out how long you can go without buying this and that. Get yourself on the vuchers board as well, and collect vouchers towards shopping. 25p here and there DOES add up.

Once you have done the menu. things WILL look brighter - I betcha