Any Advice Please!!!

Messed_Up_3

beer2006 wrote:

You could do something my OH does very well :rolleyes: I'm much better at saying no than her, so when something is wanted, its "talk to your dad".......

I do now!!

yung

Messed up pick yourself up, by coming here for advices you have already made a big step to solve your problem and I am sure the good folks here will help you. your gas and electric seem very high is there any reason for that.

Bluediamond

Messed up..I agree with Jak although I totally understand how you are feeling. I have been there girl and it aint good. I have three kids so I know how it is. Part of the remedy is what you are doing already. Talking to us lot !
Apart from Barnaby..what a stupid comment to make on this site of all sites ..We are all here to help you and get you back on track. However, you need to speak to your Husband. I did what you are doing last year and the telling the truth part was much better that I thought. My misery and mood swings led him to believe that I was ill ...so think on..If he has no idea about the problem he can't help you. For richer for poorer and all that. You are a partnership..don't hide things form him. You will feel better believe me.
You need to seek advice quick though as Jak says..he was good to me giving me encouragement yesterday too when I had something to say. If you speak to someone like the Citizens Advice Bureau they can point you in the right direction. Or just speak to someone like CCCS - as they are a charity they will give you effective advice and help you with a debt remedy. How you go about sorting this out and what you can do.
Stick in there girl and tell your Man..he will love you more for it in the long run. Proves that his wife can share problems and look to him for the support that he is there to give. We all make mistakes afterall..it's the learning from them that helps us get our lives back on track.
Take Care
Sx

Messed_Up_3

pudding06 wrote:

Well done for posting your soa and welcome to the dfw forum. You have come tot he best place for advise.

Firstly only you know how your OH will be if you tell him, he may take it better than you think or not. That is up to you but you know what they say = a problem shared is a problem halved.



Just a few questions to get a clearer picture
How many are you feeding on £350 ?
How come you use so much petrol?
Do you control the budget or does your Oh
Where does xmas, birthdays, car tax, maintenance etc come in above?

more advice to follow - well done for being so organised at this early stage!!!!:T I took me ages to post my soa as I still wanted to bury my head in the sand.

pudds

Food is for 4 people and a rabbit,
Petrol, daughter school is a 30 mile round trip.
Xmas and birthdays I make my own cards and not got much family left so not many gifts to buy, as for the kids we club our yearly bonus and buy in advance if we can...

beverleyhills

Welcome to MSE

(Quote from Lynzpower) OK, the first thing to do is to start getting your correspondence to you house. Its simply not a good idea to have your correspondence going different places and what have you. It makes it impossible to get real insight into whats where, and may look bad at the bank

Are you on the electoral roll? This is how the organisations find you.

I think that you have to come clean and face the flack.

jak

I bet you can get your food bill down. Think of it as a challenge! Try and feed your family for £300pcm , then £290 etc. Collect coupons and really think about the food you're buying. You could plan a menu to make sure you're buying the right stuff!!! Good luck!

barnaby-bear

Messed_Up wrote:

Hi Barnaby,

I know it's my fault, this I am not disputing, I know what I spent it on, and I have realised why I was doing it now, I was down, grumpy, and bought the kids things to make myself feel better for not being around for them, and when I was I was a narky cow, I spent to make me feel better, and then realsied that the buzz had gone when the bills came in, I know it is my fault, and I know that I need to sort it out, the frightning thing now is that with my wages I am barely getting by, if I could turn back the clock I would, I cut up every one of my credit cards, and before we moved house I had cleared 3 plus a catolouge bill, however when we moved house I had to take on the food bill, running of my car and little extras for the kids school and stuff, this on 350 a month is a nightmare along with trying to pay the debts also. I haven't bought myself a thing in two years and don't intend to until the debt is clear, I have learnt my lesson I just need advise on the best way to clear the debts, I am trying to find another job, but unfortunatly I daren't leave my current one as it is a guarenteed income towards my debt.
Thanks for your words though, I probably need that bollocking..
Messed UP

As I tried to point out I'm not having a go but this is more constructive, the debt/loan would be ok if hubby covering the living expenses and loan was part of some partnership/overall plan. The core of the issues are that you are taking on significant share of the expenses and if still doing this and paying the loan then problem is not paying off the loan but paying off the loan and not racking up more debt. It's your joint finances that caused the issue but running up debts for running the car, the food bill and school shoes part of your husbands problem.

jak

I also think you are not entirely responsible! You had to buy some of these things, so the debt should be shared! I know you said you can't but maybe the fact we think so will stp you feeling quite so completely RUBBISH!!!!

pudding06

Hi messed up..

Petrol, daughter school is a 30 mile round trip.

ouch! just some thoughts

is there anyone for her school around who could car share/ lift share with you?
Is there anyone going her way anyway who could do it, even if just occasionally.?
are you driving carefully so you dont use too much fuel ( it does mount up over the school year if you are always having to drive like a mad thing!!!)

as for food, at present I'm feeding 5 adults on £140 pmth so I can throw everything at my debts. Its not easy but I have rally got into the challenge and no longer feel helpless. Its exciting to cut down from er hem approx £800 to £140 !!!!:T no need to explain why my cc are so high!!!

I'm doing a storecupoard challenge - ie making meals using ingredients I already have in the cupboards, even the most obscure ones lol, and using leftovers/ things which I would previously have thrown out. I even made dinner with leftovers and storecupboard ingredients when I had unexpected guests land on me at dinner, and the compliments I got were astounding ( nobody has guessed yet!!!).:eek:

as for the rabbit - well dont forget foraging for food - the kids should enjoy that.

Oh and one thing - I know you have changed but the one thing my kids always say is that I always made time for them - they did without all the latest gadgets, but you can never make up for the time you dont spend with them. Its a real investment in their future, and 'stuff' as I'm sure you have found out, can never take the place of time spent with you.

pudds

barnaby-bear

jak wrote:

I also think you are not entirely responsible! You had to buy some of these things, so the debt should be shared! I know you said you can't but maybe the fact we think so will stp you feeling quite so completely RUBBISH!!!!

I know I sounded harsh but I agree with Jak you seem to be servicing a lot of household expenses and your joint finances seem tight, 2 kids, mortgage of £850, running two cars etc - it sounds like a JOINT general income/expenditure problem to some extent.