Been a while since I posted something so personal...

faithcecilia

meritaten wrote: »

I read some of your later posts about your life outside the convent - and everyone of them showed how much you wanted to return. I can only wish you well FaithCecelia, its obviously your hearts desire to join a Religious Community and anyone who wants it as badly as you do should get it! Good luck and my thoughts will be with you!

hen I began my discernment over 6yrs ago i was told by a number of people that your true vocation is your heart's deepest desire. At that point I couldn't get my head around that, because at that time I really, really didn't want to be a nun! Over time I gradually realised that actually, deep down, I did want it, but there was some grieving to do, lots of letting go, etc. I spent the year before I entered feeling very unsure and wondering whether I should wait longer, etc.

When I finally entered I very quickly realised that actually, yes, this was my heart's deepest desire. I had a very deep peace for the first and only time in my life. I had an inner calm and happiness that never went away, even at my most upset. At this point I am rarely upset, but don't have that peace and happiness in the life I am currently living, even though I am enjoying most of my life.

dispossessed

'FC' I was interested to read your original post - particularly your early life experiences (which certainly struck a chord with me) and that since leaving the original convent you have qualified as a Fitness Instructor (Well Done !).

I also read, with interest, what has made you feel drawn towards convent life.

When considering my own spiritual journey I have been fortunate to meet several people (of differing faiths) who whether they realised it or not, have provided some very useful signposts en route.

The Captain of the Boys Brigade company to which I belonged

An English Buddist Monk (in plain clothes) whom I sat next to on a plane way back in 1976 (it wasn't until 20 years later I discovered he was a Buddhist Monk).

A Christian Evangelist who once gave me a lift

A Rabbi whom I met when working in hospital

A (Catholic) Nun with whom I used to work

A Pentecostal Minister whom I met on the London Underground (Victoria Line)

A group of Hare Krishna devotees whom I encountered on Oxford Street, London

These have been some of the more overt signposts - the covert experiences have, on occasion, been so extraordinary in nature that I am still wondering !

I wish you all the very best for the future.

Arthur

crutches

Wishing you health ,happiness and peace Cecilia in whichever way your life is directed.

kate1976

I am in no way religious but I have been following your journey on here and you have come such a long way with your 'outside' life, I do wish you all the very best and hope you find the true happiness you really deserve wherever that may be.

If they say no then just say 'I'll have nun of that' :D

Good luck and be happy xx

Gingham_Ribbon

Good luck, Cecilia.

Mupette

OP i followed your journey here, and have marvelled at how you have managed.

I feel that the convent where you were are making excuses for why the don't want you back, and i feel they always will.

But good luck with the London one hopefully this is the one for you

Winning_Angel

I have also read your journey with interest. (I have lurked for ages!) You are in my prayers.

Tigsteroonie

I have only lurked your threads, but I just wanted to wish you all the best for this weekend's visit, I do hope that it all falls into place for you

faithcecilia

Thank you so much for all your kind words of support. I'm heading off now, feeling quite nervous, and will post on my return Monday night how it goes.

faithcecilia

Well, so far it seems to be going okay, I think. I have met with the prioress twice today and the subprioress once, and am being well looked after by the extern sister (a full member of the community but not bound to stay in enclosure). I have been told my honesty and openness is admirable and that I come across as stable, grounded and self-aware.

There is a simplicity here, which I think probably dates back to day one, when the convent was founded by a couple of French sisters in dire poverty. The liturgy is very simple (from what I have seen so far) and less of a performance than I am used to (my former community was very gifted musically, and was also founded in far more comfortable times).

The prioress here is going to try to speak to my former prioress in the morning, before seeing me later in the day. I am nervous about this, but I also know that I have already told her the bad bits as well as the good, so hopefully there will be no big shocks.

I feel quite at peace here, very calm. I am also suprised at how quiet it is, considering it is in a built up part of London.