Been a while since I posted something so personal...

LJM

oh my goodness i was only thinking of you recently and wondering how you were getting on, im glad to hear you are well, good luck xx

zzzLazyDaisy

Good luck. I hope things work out the way you wish. But if they don't, remember there is more than one path to God. Continue to have faith, and you will find yours. xx

sjc3

faithcecilia wrote: »

Returning to the same order is actually proving more challenging than going somewhere new, as the Prioress's talk to each other and about how I used to be, but I am so certain it is right that I can accept this and believe that God will lead me to the community that is willing to see me as I now am.

Please excuse my igorance on this matter but from what you wrote above does this mean that your previous order couldn't accept you as you were and dissaproved. Im not asking to know why, I just question their behaviour. Isn't accepting and valueing people as they are part of faith?

Obviously I dont know the full story, I haven't read your previous posts. I mean no offence by this I am just curious.

faithcecilia

sjc3 wrote: »

Please excuse my igorance on this matter but from what you wrote above does this mean that your previous order couldn't accept you as you were and dissaproved. Im not asking to know why, I just question their behaviour. Isn't accepting and valueing people as they are part of faith?

Obviously I dont know the full story, I haven't read your previous posts. I mean no offence by this I am just curious.

My mother has serious mental health problems and I was her carer for 20yrs from age 8 to just before I went to the convent. Part of her illness had meant she constantly put me down all the time, criticised me, etc. Gradually, in the time I was in the convent, these issues came to the surface and I became very distressed. In the end I was sent away to have counselling, originally being told I could return after a year. I was told they had no doubt at all about my vocation, just my ability to live it at that time.

I had a lot of in depth counselling and worked very hard to build my self esteem and then rebuild my relationship with my mother, learning to accept that much of her behaviour is due to her illness.

DVardysShadow

faithcecilia wrote: »

My mother has serious mental health problems and I was her carer for 20yrs from age 8 to just before I went to the convent. Part of her illness had meant she constantly put me down all the time, criticised me, etc. Gradually, in the time I was in the convent, these issues came to the surface and I became very distressed. In the end I was sent away to have counselling, originally being told I could return after a year. I was told they had no doubt at all about my vocation, just my ability to live it at that time.

I had a lot of in depth counselling and worked very hard to build my self esteem and then rebuild my relationship with my mother, learning to accept that much of her behaviour is due to her illness.

Oh, heck. I feel a devastating bit of analysis coming on.

meritaten

I read some of your later posts about your life outside the convent - and everyone of them showed how much you wanted to return. I can only wish you well FaithCecelia, its obviously your hearts desire to join a Religious Community and anyone who wants it as badly as you do should get it! Good luck and my thoughts will be with you!

MrsRogers

All the best for the path you take. You shall be in my prayers x

lostinrates

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Oh, heck. I feel a devastating bit of analysis coming on.

Why? People do things for all sorts of reasons, and always have done. Because it might not be what we would do doesn't mean its ''not right'' for them. I don't think there is any thing wrong, for example, with being a fitness trainer for God, if that's how people see their life...or a doctor, or a refuse collector. faithcecilia can try to do what she wants. I was one who urged her, the first time, to remember that my catholic education (I am not now a Catholic) taught me that like it or not ...what happened was God's will....and for believers this year and a bit was part of her path.... That doesn't mean she can't try again...or indeed try again and feel a calling elsewhere....or not.

I benefited from the guidance of some super nuns as a child and young women (and some pretty catty ones). It seems to me that, for those who want it..WHATEVER he path that took them there, its a legitimate choice. Many of us choose lives based on childhood influences....good or bad....and not always obvious.

Any way, good luck again FC.

sjc3

I wish you all the best.

Plans_all_plans

Hi FaithCecilia, I feel for you.

As you know, the Carmelite way requires a great deal of mental strength because of its contemplative nature. If the prioress had any doubt about your ability to cope with the life in there, she would have been doing you a disservice to allow you to continue onwards at that time.

If they do not question your vocation, then there is certainly hope that you can return in future.