How to teach a grown man to show some respect

Sid_Wolf

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Well that's just downright rude.

Is anyone else wondering how someone can eat 2 whole blocks of cheese and not feel sick :eek:

all the time, he can eat a whole (small block) with crackers in one sitting :shocked:

euronorris

Sid_Wolf wrote: »

I have tried to help him with his finances, he would rather have his head in the sand than do anything about it. He just keeps saying he wants us to all get a joint morgage. Which is laughable with his track record, we refuse to be tied into anything financial with him.

He actually wants us to stay, he needs us here to live iyswim

Did you explain why you wouldn't get a mortgage with him? Hell, from what you've said, I doubt he'd be accepted for a new mortgage anyway!

OK, do you know if he is including the 400pm you give him, in his debt repayments? Or, does he hold this back for something else? If it is something else, what is it? Necessary, or can be cut back.

Are you sure he's on top of the mortgage payments? I only ask as you mentioned that repossession was a possibility before you moved in. If it's still a possibility, you may be better off moving into a flat share instead, or renting your own place (flat share may be very difficult with the dogs), so you have a little more security.

New financial year - Have you asked why? What was his reason? I assume you pointed out that the date is irrelevant. I guess you could make a big deal out of how much more control he will have, and he can clear his debts, and generally the financial situation will start to improve, but if he doesn't wanna hear it, there's not much you can do.

Sid_Wolf

euronorris wrote: »

Did you explain why you wouldn't get a mortgage with him? Hell, from what you've said, I doubt he'd be accepted for a new mortgage anyway!

he wouldnt, he would need us to be able to get one, and we told him our other reason, which is that we do not want to still be living with parents when we are 40+

OK, do you know if he is including the 400pm you give him, in his debt repayments? Or, does he hold this back for something else? If it is something else, what is it? Necessary, or can be cut back.

I dont think he is, he uses the 400 to pay for his car (petrol etc), and some d/d's

Are you sure he's on top of the mortgage payments? I only ask as you mentioned that repossession was a possibility before you moved in. If it's still a possibility, you may be better off moving into a flat share instead, or renting your own place (flat share may be very difficult with the dogs), so you have a little more security.

he is up to date with the morgage, its the only thing he did continue to pay every month

New financial year - Have you asked why? What was his reason? I assume you pointed out that the date is irrelevant. I guess you could make a big deal out of how much more control he will have, and he can clear his debts, and generally the financial situation will start to improve, but if he doesn't wanna hear it, there's not much you can do.

he said its because he will get new statments through then or something, im not 100% sure

split_second

you cant teach a grown man to show respect, if by adulthood he hasnt learned it then it isnt your lookout, you arent his mother

pelirocco

Why dont you include him in your evening meals anyway ?

euronorris

Sid_Wolf wrote: »

he said its because he will get new statments through then or something, im not 100% sure

From who? All I can think of is that certain loan companies might send out annual overviews at the start of each new tax year, but that's unlikely. It's usually pension funds and the like which issue statements around the start of a tax year.

Maybe he's thinking of a statement coming from the debt management company. Waste of time, he needs to get rid of them.

Even if it is from loan companies, he is within his rights to call and request a current statement, so I would push back on him with that a little. Also, credit card companies issue statements each month, either electronically or in paper format, so he should be able to access those easily. And if he has any overdrafts, again, monthly statements are issued either electronically or in paper format. So, again, push back on that one. All of this is, of course, if you want to.

Are the D/D's essentials? Or are they for subsrciptions and services he doesn't really need. I ask because, any debt repayment plan, should take into account essential expenses and what's left over is then used to pay the debtors. So, theoretically, the 400 he is getting from you should be surplus income that he could use to subsidise his food budget and repay his debts quicker. The fact that he isn't able to do that suggests that his budget is either unrealistic, he's wasting his money on non-essentials (and then expecting you to subsidise this by buying his food) or a combination of both.

Edit: Of course, some of the 400 would go towards the increase in the utility bills.

Sid_Wolf

pelirocco wrote: »

Why dont you include him in your evening meals anyway ?

how can we do that when he is in bed by the time we get home (oh often works till about 9, and i work shifts, i work every evening until at least 7) and when we wont eat anything we cook?

Sid_Wolf

euronorris wrote: »

From who? All I can think of is that certain loan companies might send out annual overviews at the start of each new tax year, but that's unlikely. It's usually pension funds and the like which issue statements around the start of a tax year.

Maybe he's thinking of a statement coming from the debt management company. Waste of time, he needs to get rid of them.

Even if it is from loan companies, he is within his rights to call and request a current statement, so I would push back on him with that a little. Also, credit card companies issue statements each month, either electronically or in paper format, so he should be able to access those easily. And if he has any overdrafts, again, monthly statements are issued either electronically or in paper format. So, again, push back on that one. All of this is, of course, if you want to.

i havent really asked tbh, im not sure what he's waiting for, but i think he's just making excuses

Are the D/D's essentials? Or are they for subsrciptions and services he doesn't really need. I ask because, any debt repayment plan, should take into account essential expenses and what's left over is then used to pay the debtors. So, theoretically, the 400 he is getting from you should be surplus income that he could use to subsidise his food budget and repay his debts quicker. The fact that he isn't able to do that suggests that his budget is either unrealistic, he's wasting his money on non-essentials (and then expecting you to subsidise this by buying his food) or a combination of both.

he does waste his money, if he has 'spare' money, which isnt spare because he's always forgotten that something has to come out, he will buy something like a DVD, then gets charged because he didnt have the money to pay for the D/D he forgot about. So then cant afford to shop.

Edit: Of course, some of the 400 would go towards the increase in the utility bills.

yea the went up slightly over winter, as is to be expected. nothing else has gone up by much

ailuro2

From what little I've read about credit ratings, you can be linked to someone because you are at the same address as them.... you need to look into this, and start considering building up your own blemish free credit history - paying rent and your own bills is one way to do this.

You need to take on some responsibility yourselves, and never mind what happens to OH Dad, just make sure it's a one bed you rent, otherwise you might find yourself with a lodger...;)

RAS

ailuro2 wrote: »

From what little I've read about credit ratings, you can be linked to someone because you are at the same address as them.... you need to look into this, and start considering building up your own blemish free credit history - paying rent and your own bills is one way to do this.

This used to be the case but loads of 18 year olds were wrecking their parent spotless credit records.

Credit records now relate only to the person concerned and to anyone with whom they have a financial association, meaning a shared account which is reported to credit agencies.