How to teach a grown man to show some respect

pjcox2005

Sorry, one more point:

Out of interest how do you and your partner go about thanking him for letting both of you and the two dogs live there as well as driving you about? For example, do you shop for him without asking, try and do more round the house in terms of cleaning or maintenance, treat him to a meal out or space to himself at times.

I ask as I wonder whether it's just everyone falling into a bit of status quo and taking everything for granted which in turn is seen as a lack of manners and irritating.

Nottoobadyet

The man is used to being able to eat what’s in his refrigerator, which seems fair enough after so many years. Maybe put the things you want to eat in the fridge in (tied) supermarket bags - I bet he wont open them to see what’s inside. Do your best to get him to one of the debt charities with his DMP, but it is his business so he may not welcome advice.

To be honest I think hes being very generous letting you stay there while you save up, and if he’s anything like my dad he may feel like you owe him something more regardless of hwo much you contribute in actuality! I’d tread carefully if you want this set up to continue.

Sid_Wolf

pjcox2005 wrote: »

Sorry, one more point:

Out of interest how do you and your partner go about thanking him for letting both of you and the two dogs live there as well as driving you about? For example, do you shop for him without asking, try and do more round the house in terms of cleaning or maintenance, treat him to a meal out or space to himself at times.

I ask as I wonder whether it's just everyone falling into a bit of status quo and taking everything for granted which in turn is seen as a lack of manners and irritating.

every time he drives us about he gets thanks, and offered petrol money, some times he needs it, others he says no. He does no cleaning, me and OH do it all, including his washin sometimes. Me & OH dont often get time to each other for a meal out, and his dad is in bed by about 8 each night (less than an hour after I get home), so we cant really go out for meals. We are out of the house a lot, at work or with the dogs, regardless of whether we are there or not he spends his time upstairs playing online with his friends on the pc.

He does nothing, if he does do something like the washing up, he makes a point of telling us, and expects praise. I do always thank him for doing it, but it doesnt get him to do it more often unfortunately :rotfl:

RAS

Hi

Since he is with a fee paying debt management company, he really need to get himself in touch with a debt charity, which would mean that all his payment would go towards his debt, not just some of it. That would clear them much quicker.

Sid_Wolf

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

The man is used to being able to eat what’s in his refrigerator, which seems fair enough after so many years. Maybe put the things you want to eat in the fridge in (tied) supermarket bags - I bet he wont open them to see what’s inside. Do your best to get him to one of the debt charities with his DMP, but it is his business so he may not welcome advice.

To be honest I think hes being very generous letting you stay there while you save up, and if he’s anything like my dad he may feel like you owe him something more regardless of hwo much you contribute in actuality! I’d tread carefully if you want this set up to continue.

I have tried to help him with his finances, he would rather have his head in the sand than do anything about it. He just keeps saying he wants us to all get a joint morgage. Which is laughable with his track record, we refuse to be tied into anything financial with him.

He actually wants us to stay, he needs us here to live iyswim

Buttonmoons

I was gonna say sounds like he would be up a creek without a paddle without the £400 a month to keep him afloat, and to be honest, I'd not be happy with someone else eating all my food, especially if it was to make a nice meal for me and the OH on one of our rare days off together.

Essentially it's a flatshare, and would anyone else be happy paying £400 a month with the flatmate eating your food too? No.

Sid_Wolf

Buttonmoons wrote: »

I was gonna say sounds like he would be up a creek without a paddle without the £400 a month to keep him afloat, and to be honest, I'd not be happy with someone else eating all my food, especially if it was to make a nice meal for me and the OH on one of our rare days off together.

Essentially it's a flatshare, and would anyone else be happy paying £400 a month with the flatmate eating your food too? No.

thanks for that, the bit in red really hit the nail on the head, i mean i know he loves cheese, but we did buy him his own block, and i told him the other was to make a meal with, he still ate it.

we went up the shop and got more, he asked where we were goin and we told him 'to get more cheese cus we needed it for dinner' and he just laughed, not even a 'sorry i forgot'.

euronorris

RAS wrote: »

Hi

Since he is with a fee paying debt management company, he really need to get himself in touch with a debt charity, which would mean that all his payment would go towards his debt, not just some of it. That would clear them much quicker.

Agreed. This is an important point and needs addressing.

Buttonmoons

Sid_Wolf wrote: »

thanks for that, the bit in red really hit the nail on the head, i mean i know he loves cheese, but we did buy him his own block, and i told him the other was to make a meal with, he still ate it.

we went up the shop and got more, he asked where we were goin and we told him 'to get more cheese cus we needed it for dinner' and he just laughed, not even a 'sorry i forgot'.

Well that's just downright rude.

Is anyone else wondering how someone can eat 2 whole blocks of cheese and not feel sick :eek:

Sid_Wolf

euronorris wrote: »

Agreed. This is an important point and needs addressing.

i try to advise him and he says he cant do anything, he refuses to review his finances until the new financial year, i have no idea why