Dont Even Know Where To Start .......

miss_lisalou

We're all on here thinking - I could've had a bigger house, better car, more holidays, if only I hadn't gotten into this much debt. But the reality is we all need to make the most of what we have got. By the sound of it, you have a fabulous husband and 2 great kids - what the rest of us wouldn't give for that! And don't put yourself down by keep saying you have no income, a stay at home mum etc. Where would your husband be if it wasn't for you being at home bringing up the children you share? Think about the positives in your life and not just the other stuff that's racing through your head right now. Keep your mind clear with other things and stay off the wine! :A

BillTrac

Surreylass1,

tell your oh now!!

Get it out the way as soon as possible.

If you and him love each other, or at least have feelings for each other then the problem is 'only' money.

A soon as you tell him then I promise you that things can only get better.

If you don't tell him, he can't help can he?


DO IT NOW, PLEASE.

(And I use wine to hide other problems so I know what you are struggling with).

thechippy

I think she is better telling him after she has some concrete advice. At least he will know she's doing something about it b4 dropping the bombshell...

lizzie_b

Surreylass, dont beat yourself up anymore over this,
we've all made mistakes, we wouldnt be here if we hadnt
yes hindsight is a marvellous thing, but that fact of the matter is you've realised where you are, and have taken the first step on the long and winding road to making things better.
Get some good advice and a plan of action from the cccs and then speak to your husband as soon as possible. At the end of the day it is "only money" as someone else just said, and from what you have said about him and your children you are worth far more to him than a bit of debt.

Keep us all informed, and we're here when you need us

xxxxx

RAS

It really is for Surreylass to speak to CCCS and the other debt charities and discuss her options. It is then for her to decide how she wants to proceed.

Agreed that she needs to speak to her OH, sooner rather than later, but right now she may need us to back off a bit?

SurreyLass1

Thankyou

I am sorry for sounding so selfish - I just cant handle thinking what I am about to do to him. He works at a boarding school, and has a very stressful job, and does long hours in addition to teaching, which is why it isnt practical for me to work. I got close to telling him nearly 3 years ago, then his Dad got suddenly ill, and died of cancer within a couple of months of diagnosis, so obviously I couldnt do it then.

I turn 40 this year, and made a promise to myself on New Years Eve that I would get a grip of myself and stand up to it all. Thats easier thought about than done isnt it!

I am planning on telling him tommorrow night if I can get some useful info from CCCS tommorrow, I think I need to know roughly what the outcomes might be before I tell him.

Thank you again.

SurreyLass1

Please dont back off - you are the first people I have owned up to - I could do without being alone.

RAS

SurreyLass1 wrote: »

Please dont back off - you are the first people I have owned up to - I could do without being alone.

Glad we can help. You will find people here pretty much 24/7 although it gets quiet after midnight and around tea-time.

We are known as huggies elsewhere on the forums.

And proud to be huggies.

This is known as a group hug :grouphug:

Think you need a few?

rising_from_the_ashes

Hi Surreylass, well done for taking the 1st big step.

Once you've spoken to CCCS you'll have a much clearer idea of what's the best thing to do. I know the thought of telling your OH must be terrifying but as you've said in one of your earlier posts keeping "the secret" is really tearing you apart and is/will have an effect on your health so things need to come out into the open.

Pop on any time as RAS' said there's nearly always someone around to listen/help.

RAS - didn't know we were called "huggies", I really like that.

adfax

Hi

Just reading your posts - the first and most important thing it that however bad you think it may seem, it can be sorted!

Don't beat yourself up - most of us on here have all got into a mess with our money - it happens.

I was in a mess a 18 months ago - debts of over £60K and my wife didn't have a clue as to the mess I was in. I was having to lie to cover it up, hide the post and go to great lengths to continue 'as normal'. Eventually I did tell her, and the thing she was most cross about was not the debt but that I hadn't felt able to tell her.

You need to tell your OH as soon as you feel able to - my only suggestion would be don't leave it until late at night as he will want to talk about it and you need to give yourself time to talk things over.

I would recommend talking to CCCS - they have helped me sort my mess out without ever making me feel bad.

I wouldn't want to start to suggest the best way forwards, but what I would say is that, from the information you have given, even if your only way forwards is BR it is not the end of the world. Yes, your mini may be at risk but that is about it.

You have done the hardest part which is to realise you need to sort this out. Believe me, facing up to your debts is a great thing to do!

Good luck and keep us posted.