Dont Even Know Where To Start .......

SurreyLass1

Basically, I am in debt to the tune of about £35,000 - 3 credit cards, 1 store card and an overdraft. I am a stay at home Mum of 2 small boys with no income, and I have used all my personal savings to keep up the minimum monthly payments since I stopped working to have children 7 years ago.

My husband has NO idea - that is killing me as much / more than the debt. I have no more personal money to keep this up, and have also realised that its stupid - nothing can change like this.

I am sick of being jumpy, grumpy, drinking too much wine so that I can sleep, and most of all, lying to my wonderful husband.

I am going to TRY and pluck up the courage to phone CCCS tommorrow (I tried today, but just couldnt do it). But none of the information I have read relates to someone with personal debt that no longer has an income.

We dont own our house - it comes with my husbands job. I personally have no assets, apart from a pension which my husband pays into on my behalf.

I am scared beyond belief, of what is going to happen, and of what is going to happen when I tell him what I have done.

Any advice would be very gratefully read - I have not yet defaulted, but think this is the last month I can keep it up - I have no more funds to pay in now.

Thanks x

RAS

Welcome

You need to start with one of these http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html.

And what have you spent the money on?

Unless you address the latter point, you cannot sort out the debt problem.

Sometime it is that you do not get enough support from your partner, sometimes it is overspending?

SurreyLass1

Its been over a very long period of time - I had these cards before we were even married, and it started back then and has built. recently, the only money that has gone on them has been cash withdrawals to fund the payments - so so stupid I know. I have bought a few bits and pieces of stupid girls stuff that I felt guilty putting on our joint credit card - thats in his name, and is paid off in full every month.

He is not to blame - its me, wanting what I shouldnt have because I cant afford it, and burying my head in the sand. Its gone on for such a long long time - I have had these cards well in excess of 10 years I think ...........

RAS

Hi

It is going to be really important to look at the T&cs of these cards.

Are you up to date on them at the moment?

miss_lisalou

Surreylass, I feel for you sweetie I really do, I felt just like you - thinking I had spent myself into a great big hole I couldn't get out of. But there is always an end to the debt problem.

First of all, stop spending. Cut up those credit and store cards, and your debit card if you still have funds available on your overdraft. Seriously, don't just think to yourself 'well I won't use them anymore now', just cut them right up.

What do you think would be your husband's reaction if you did tell him? Are all the repayments coming from your sole account so he wouldn't have a clue what's happening? I think he ought to know sooner or later, or he's likely to find out if you go for a joint application.

Also, ring CCCS. They won't judge you, they are the most helpful people on earth. You won't be bound to carrying out anything with them, just explain the situation and let them offer you advice. Ring them tomorrow before you explain to your husband and that will be one weight off your mind and will help you see things in perspective.

You've made the right move by coming on here and explaining what's happened, now you just need to get the right help to get things sorted again. x

SurreyLass1

Yes - I have paid them uptodate right now.

I am so scared now I have admitted to it all.

RAS

Ok

One way to start the ball rolling is to do the CCCS Remedy on-line. That way you do not have to speak to them in the first instance. And when you do speak to them, they have all the information to hand.

SurreyLass1

But this is MY debt - my problem, and a lot of it from before we even got married. I looked at that today, and I have NO income as I am a stay at home Mum - I have my own bank account where the payments come from, and have created this bloody great mess all for myself.

Whilst I am going to tell my husband EVERYTHING, is he going to have to lose all his money and outgoings and Sky because I have been a bloosy stupid lying little cow?

Am crying now.

He is from a family that just dont do debt - if you want something, you save up for it. This is really going to hurt him, and that is already hurting me. He, and my 2 sons are my absolute world. He has to work till 10.30pm 2 nights a week, starting at 8.00am in the morning with huge responsibilities, and he is going to have to come home to all this.

miss_lisalou

ok, think of it this way - you've realised there is a problem and you're now trying to find a way to put an end to it. The spending could have gone on and on, many people do, but you want help, right? I know it's terribly, terribly upsetting, and I wish you all the luck in the world when you speak to your husband, I hope he's understanding. But at least you;re owning up to your problem, there are many who continue to bury their heads in the sand

RAS

Hi love,

Beleive me there a fair few number of pople here who have got themselves into even bigger messes. Their partners rant and rave and double check what else they might haver said over the last few years, but eventually it calms down and things get sorted.

The best thing is to be able to say "got it wrong" have looked at this and these are the options. What do you think?

And to be brutal, if you were to go BR, given you have no income, it is not going to make much difference to your current situation, except you would not be paying out interest every month and could sleep at night.

SurreyLass1

It wouldnt come to bankrupcy would it? It seems so awful - would they come and take things from my house, and take away my pension and things?

In my head I want to start paying it back - dont you think that is possible in at least some part? Does bankcrupcy affect my husband too?