Buying Presents & Pretending They Are From Family

loveandlight

I come from a big family but unfortunately we're not close. Not through want of trying though! Most of my sisters and brothers children are older now 16+. My OH has no family.

I have an only son who will be 10 in a couple of weeks time.

His birthday and Christmas now cost me a lot more as he's a bit older because every year I buy him extra cards and presents pretending they are from my sisters and brothers because they never get him anything.

It was easier when he was younger because he was none the wiser but about three years ago he got upset when he never had even a card from his aunts and uncles so I decided that I would always buy extra presents and say they were from my family. Nothing expensive, just something worth about £5.00 x 6. ( I have four sisters and two brothers!)They see us as having a lot more money than them even though we have never given them any reason to think that. We drive an old car and out of necessity we live to a very tight budget. We never admit to having no money though but we never say we have got money either. We just never make an issue of it.

I've never fallen out with my family and always bought for their children when they were younger.

It upsets me greatly every year but there's very little I can do about it. You can't make someone give if they don't want to. I did tell a couple of my sisters that I give him presents saying they're from them but got no reaction from them. I know he's still very lucky because he's got both a mum and a dad but it still hurts when this time of year arrives.

My son would be very upset if he knew the truth but I just don't want him to know the truth yet. Sometimes I think I will never tell him and just let the present giving from his 'aunts and uncles' slowly die out as he gets much older. I was wondering whether anybody else is in a similar situation?

smileylunar

no advice as yet. but just to say what a lovely thing you are doing.. and so thoughtful.

droopsnout

Perhaps it could be a (new!) family tradition that Christmas presents are not exchanged for cousins/nieces/nephews when they reach a certain age - say, 16.

You won't be able to fool him much longer, I suspect.

Counting_Pennies_2

You could always say when children go to secondary school the tradition in the family is not to pass pressies round the family. That way you only have a couple of years left.

anguk

My brother and I have a rule that we don't buy for adults and only buy for each others kids as long as they are in school, we do this because my brothers wife has a large family and it would be very expensive for them each Christmas. So my 13 year old daughter always gets a present but my son (20) doesn't.

Secondary school would be a good cut-off point and you could start now sort of mentioning it to him, saying that you no longer buy for their kids as they're older.

cpu

I know you're doing this with the best of intentions, but I don't think you're doing him any favours, imo. All you're doing is giving the lad a false impression about his relatives and that is never a good thing. He's 10 now, plenty old enough to be told the truth, (although I wouldn't tell him his relatives just don't bother with him). I'd soften it by telling him all the adults have agreed that Christmas is getting too expensive so everyone has agreed to stop giving to so many people.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but I have experience of a similar family situation that blew up when a young member found out (by accident) that she wasn't quite as thought of as she thought she was. She was hurt and ended up blaming her Mother for causing the situation.

You know your own family, but honesty is always the best present.

ckerrd

His birthday and Christmas now cost me a lot more as he's a bit older because every year I buy him extra cards and presents pretending they are from my sisters and brothers because they never get him anything.

I must admit I wouln't have gone down this route.
I think you have backed youself into a corner, but to be honest I would stop now as you have created a totally false sense of expectation in him. He believes these people do things that they do not.
There is no need to explain the history but I would not carry on with it as it will do no good in the long run.

loveandlight

Thanks for your replies guys. Please note my original message. I'm not asking whether or not I'm doing the right thing because I know I am. If I didn't think it was right I wouldn't be doing it. I just wondered whether anyone else is in a similar situation to me?

cpu

Sorry.

To be fair, I did mention a similar situation in my family and what happened.

ckerrd

Apologies for my reply then.

Hope it works out for you.

elona

I can see why you are doing it but it might be an idea to taper it out before he finds out for himself.

Maybe say that the family just gets presents for children in primary school?