How do I manage this situation?

Counting_Pennies_2

Flyboy152 wrote: »

I'd tell them to beggar off and either like it or lump it. Ignorant gits.

I think the OP is trying to maintain/improve a relationship with her DD, that would probably finish it off.

steerpike

DD is 22 now - there were no deep issues that I know of until she started skipping school and the college to be with BF - it was very difficult to persuade her to get an education (she chose the course and we fully supported her) when OM was picking her up from college minutes after she'd been dropped off to spend the day with BF or to do clothes shopping. She was grounded for a day once or twice for skipping school but in the end just had to let her get on with it as we could see we were fighting a losing battle

She was a sweet loving child and if she visits on her own for those few precious minutes before she rushes off, she is her old loving, chatty self and wanting to hug & cuddle up (which she gets in abundance) so I feel deep down that she still has feelings for us....

I am worried (but daren't express this for fear of being perceived as interferring ) as my daughter confided in me before Christmas that OM keeps asking DD when is she going to make her a grandmother - DD says that she isn't ready for children yet but doesn't want to disapoint OM....

There are no intolerance/allergies - the standard that they are used to and expect aren't my standards - they eat out a lot so are used to things being just so . . . so maybe I am being over sensitive when they turn their noses up at meal times.

I love her and I want her to be happy, I hope that the relationship goes from strength to strength, BF adores her, his family love her and are extremely generous and she has a high standard of living as they are very wealthy - if being with this family gives her all this and makes her happy - I will just have to stiffen my upper lip a bit more and resign myself to being in the background of her life.. . . still don't understand why OM feels the need to be so nasty about us though.


I dunno . . . why doesn't life come with a 'How to manual'??

barbiedoll

Well, it doesn't sound as though you have lost her completely then.

I'm sure that you're worried about all this talk of babies, especially as she is clearly not ready to be a mum just yet. (And is sensible enough to know it!) You need to make it clear to her that having a child is her and BF's decision and no-one else's. She shouldn't even consider having a baby just so as not to "disappoint" OM, a baby is a life-changing event, not just another trinket to be ordered at the whim of someone else! Speaking to her about this is not interfering, YOU are her mother and she obviously still confides in you if she is bringing the subject up herself. You could relate your own situation to her, you waited until you were happy and in a stable relationship, you lead a good, fulfilled life before committing yourself to parenthood and you were mature enough to cope with the stresses and strains of caring for a child. I know that you don't want to speak disparagingly of OM to your daughter but this woman sounds like a nightmare, just because she was pregnant as a teenager, doesn't mean that your daughter has to start breeding because she has nothing else to do with her life. :mad:

Flyboy152

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I think the OP is trying to maintain/improve a relationship with her DD, that would probably finish it off.

Or show them that she won't take any BS from them and won't be cowed by their rudeness. What good is doing any of them if she acquiesces to all their demands?

jenhug

other mother slags you off for one reason. you are your DD's real mother.. all the money in the world won't change that, but it seems like she is hell bent on trying!

paddy's_mum

Sadly, at 22, she is an adult and you can only try to influence. You have no power or 'weapons' to bring into play.

In your shoes, hard though it will be, I suspect that all you can do is sit back, keep quiet and just wait until life itself rubs her corners off and makes her realise that there is nobody on this earth like your own Mum! I do feel for you and hope the situation changes for the better sooner rather than later. Good luck.

pupsicola

Ive been giving this some thought and I think the bf mum is being nasty about you because deep down she has huge insecurities. Its easier for her to reflect her shortcomings onto you than face up to how little she really has of value.

Where would she be without her hubby providing every little thing for her. She doesn't run her own home, she has people in to 'do' for her. She has no career. Lunching and shopping can be fun now and then, but quite a shallow thing to do day in and day out. She is apparently so lonely she wanted her children at home with her rather than attending school.

I should think her life bores her to tears. Happy, fulfilled, contented people dont spend their time slagging off other folk. They also dont need to buy companions.

Caroline_a

I've been thinking about this one too. If this woman has been slagging you off it might actually be a good thing. Think about it. I can call my family/kids/dog what I want... but if someone else does then beware! Your daughter may be listening to this and thinking 'no my family aren't like that', because sooner or later she will realise that by attacking her family, this horrible woman is actually attacking your DD's roots... which is a very short step from attacking her.