Revenge an affair.....15 years later?

thorsoak

So, 15 years on, you are wanting revenge? Or justifying your OH's attitude to your situation as an excuse for this behaviour?

Come on - you're a grown woman - what would you be saying in response to anyone else asking these questions?

Forget it!

Tish_P

Don't go there.

You're going through a horrible time and feel inadequately supported by a partner you haven't forgiven (you say you have, but you wouldn't be asking about revenge in that case) for really, really hurting you a long time ago.
Starting an affair would add more stress and problems and do nothing to alleviate the ones you have. Take it as a wake-up call - all is not well in your relationship and you need to sort it out or leave.

All this is far easier to type than do, of course... Wishing you lots of strength to deal with this. Hope it turns out OK.

catkins

revengeornot wrote: »

I hate affairs, I dislike people that have affairs, so why oh why am I putting myself in this situation?

If this were truly what you feel you would not even think of having an affair.

I was cheated on by a boyfriend over 30 years ago and will never forget the hurt and anger I felt. I would never ever in a million years be unfaithful and, luckily, I am now married to a wonderful man who feels the same way as I do.

Sublime_2

15 years too late for getting your own back. If you want to wreck your marriage go ahead.

mrs_marty

I think it isnt revenge you are after but more attention and thats what this chap gave you and it made you feel good for a while. I think you need to sit down and work out what you want and require from your home life, then address it with your husband. I wouldn't go through with seeing the chap as it isnt fair on all concerned yourself included.

swampduck

It seems to me that you may not be over the hurt of 15 years ago. I can sympathise having been in a similar situation with my ex-husband after 11 years of marriage and two children. But it never occurred to me to go out for revenge and have an affair/fling because I considered that I was better than my ex-husband in that respect.
I didnt have to act like he did to feel better about myself. But when I did finally leave my ex-husband I was able to say that I had still never slept with another man even though I left him for his cousin after 19 years of marriage.
He had always thought I'd had an affair to get back at him and magnanimously persuaded himself to let 'it' go as he thought the score would be even then!!
He was always the jealous type and that kills a relationship quicker than anything once you realise that that is the problem.

Swampy

pupsicola

If you are seeing the possibility of having an affair as getting revenge after 15 years, clearly you haven't forgiven your husband.

Its flattering when someone pays us attention and makes us feel special. If your relationship with your husband was as it should be then chatting and getting along with another bloke at a party wouldn't have this effect on you.

I think you are being immature. Alot of people stand to get hurt if you act on these feelings. Really hurt and you know how bad that pain can be from personal experience. Not just your husband who you feel you want to exact revenge on but this other mans wife. Yet you are discussing this like you are a teenager about to commence a first romance.

None of this shows you in a very nice light.

kelloggs36

revengeornot wrote: »

Hi,

Long story short: Husband had an affair 15 years ago. At the time, never thought I'd get over it, but, somehow we did. I have forgiven him, but will never, ever forget the pain.

I do love him, we've both got our faults, but we gel along quite nicely most of the time, and have a pretty good life.

I don't go out very often, but last weekend, went out with my work mates, and ended up meeting someone (the brother of someone I work with)

We ended up chatting all evening, and by the end of it, did an awful lot of kissing. I have NEVER done anything like this before.

I felt so guilty the next day, but was very excited at the same time.

Today, I get a text from this chap, (who is also married) basically telling me that he loved the evening, felt we clicked & do I want to meet him again?

I really really want to, it's almost like I am telling myself it's OK because I will only be doing what he did to me all those years ago.

I feel sick with worry about what would happen if found out, my head is telling me that I am being really stupid, but my heart is telling me to go for it.

I hate affairs, I dislike people that have affairs, so why oh why am I putting myself in this situation?

I really just wanted to talk about the way I feel as I can not talk to anyone I know, they will hate me.

Don't even go there, do you really want to put your husband through the pain that you went through? It isn't worth it - you have had a good time now put it behind you please, for the sake of your marriage. You may have forgiven, but your husband may not, despite having done it himself. You now know how easy it is to get led into an affair, but you are at the place where you can stop it before it causes any damage - don't throw your life away as you know it - the chances are you will be on your own in the long term, the other guy is married too; far too many people at risk of being hurt.

mackemdave

Think this stinks as a new user wind up thread

revengeornot

mackemdave wrote: »

Think this stinks as a new user wind up thread

Definately not my friend, I have been regular on these boards for many years, just didn't want to use my 'real' username for obvious reasons

Well, thanks for all your comments. I know I've been a complete fool. I was dreading work today but actually, everything was OK.

I did find out one thing though - that the chap in question has had several 'flings'. The thought of it now really does turn my stomach

I have deleted his no. and will try & get on with the rest of my life

I need to stand up for myself more when in comes to supporting my Dad, & will try very hard not to hold this against my husband, who, apart from the crap he gives me about spending too much time supporting others is a fantastic father, and does try to show me attention, but I find myself pushing him away because of some of the hurtful things he says

Thanks