Revenge an affair.....15 years later?

revengeornot

Hi,

Long story short: Husband had an affair 15 years ago. At the time, never thought I'd get over it, but, somehow we did. I have forgiven him, but will never, ever forget the pain.

I do love him, we've both got our faults, but we gel along quite nicely most of the time, and have a pretty good life.

I don't go out very often, but last weekend, went out with my work mates, and ended up meeting someone (the brother of someone I work with)

We ended up chatting all evening, and by the end of it, did an awful lot of kissing. I have NEVER done anything like this before.

I felt so guilty the next day, but was very excited at the same time.

Today, I get a text from this chap, (who is also married) basically telling me that he loved the evening, felt we clicked & do I want to meet him again?

I really really want to, it's almost like I am telling myself it's OK because I will only be doing what he did to me all those years ago.

I feel sick with worry about what would happen if found out, my head is telling me that I am being really stupid, but my heart is telling me to go for it.

I hate affairs, I dislike people that have affairs, so why oh why am I putting myself in this situation?

I really just wanted to talk about the way I feel as I can not talk to anyone I know, they will hate me.

DUTR

So now you want to be that sperm toilet :eek:

Nicki

If you don't feel bad about cheating on your own husband because of his affair, how do you feel about causing this other man's wife the same pain you went through 15 years ago. You might be able to justify revenge on your husband, but what has she done to justify you behaving in this way to her? What would you say to your husband's former mistress if you got the chance, and how do you feel about her? Do you want to become the same kind of person?

Dave101t

ask your husband if he will let you, that will remove the guilt, and the pleasure no doubt.
i ask my wife all the time about my impending trip to vegas, but i do so jokingly and wouldnt hurt her like that just for a 10 minute jolly.

poet123

If you feel the need to "revenge" an affair 15 years ago, you are clearly not over it. I think it is that which you need to address. Nicki also makes a very salient point.

McKneff

Stop it in its tracks now.
I agree with everything the other posters do.

2 wrongs dont make a right and you will be causing heartache for so many people including yourself.
What kind of a man is he anyway, just like your husband was all those years ago.

Dont be a hypocrite.

peachyprice

So you're considering putting another wife through what your hunband and his floosie put you through 15 years ago? Seems you have forgotten how much pain that caused you afterall.

If you feel the need for revenge for goodness sake find yourself a single man.

kazwookie

Just tell your husband now about your evening and text and see what he says, that will sort out if you go or not!!

Errata

Stop behaving like a silly over excited schoolgirl. If the bloke has tried it on with you, he'll have tried the same trick with many more before you. I wouldn't touch him with a heavily disinfected bargepole.

starry_eyed_4

It isn't about revenge it is just trying to justify a fling with another man, it is easy to understand the buzz when someone new comes along but it is dangerous ground.
If there are problems with you and your husband then discuss them with him.

You deserve more than to just be a cheap thrill for some married guy who is bored at home.

revengeornot

I respect all your comments & know how stupid I am being

I think a lot of the way I'm feeling at the moment has to do with other issues - my elderly mum has been very unwell, and had to be detained under Mental Health act, and is now in a horrible, nursing home. She doesn't even know who I am anymore, and all this has happened over the last 5 months.

My O/H isn't very supportive about the whole situation, he sees it as though my time is being taken away from him, as I have to spend a lot of my time helping my dad - Sometimes I feel that I'm only a tiny thread away from having my own breakdown.

Obviously, this plays on my mind a lot, & I guess the thought of having someone pay me flattering attention overuled my thoughts