Revenge an affair.....15 years later?

itzmee

I agree with all the other posters but wanted to remind you that you still have to work with this man's sibling - that could be awkward for you if you do decide to have a fling and they find out. You've had your fun, is it really worth carrying on and potentially hurting other people in the process?

Ballyhoo

revengeornot wrote: »

I felt so guilty the next day, but was very excited at the same time.


I feel sick with worry about what would happen if found out, my head is telling me that I am being really stupid, but my heart is telling me to go for it.

I hate affairs, I dislike people that have affairs, so why oh why am I putting myself in this situation?

Go to your bathroom mirror, and take a look at yourself. A really long, good one. If you go ahead with this, you will want to remember what you were like before you felt so terrible about your affair.

That sick feeling you describe is the thing you have to live with, if you're prepared to go ahead with this.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but to be fair... I've kind of been there.

The nausea, the pain, the looking over your shoulder. That's one of the punishments for affairs you never get warned about. You feel incredibly good while you're with your secret partner, but the second they're gone, and you're on your own with the gnawing awfulness of what you've done... it's not a happy place to be. It's like being some sort of awful addict, you get the "hit" of being desirable and special, but the moment they're gone and you're on your own in the house with your partner and your friends around you, you start to realise quite what sort of risk you've taken.

If you're ready for it, think you're strong enough, then go ahead and enjoy it. But it will be hard, no matter how fun and exciting it seems now.

I bet I sound really pompous and patronising, and yep, I'd go with that. It's just I wish I'd been told this before I did something I really, really regretted.

Nottoobadyet

Doll, you're having a rubbish time of it, and I understand that a bit of excitement can be a welcome distraction. It sounds like your husband is being a right **** by not being supportive, but that will in no way be fixed by an affair.

Myself, I'd be tempted to dump him, take time to be with your parents while single, then in a few years or months find yourself a single bloke who will neither cheat on you nor be jealous of the attention you're very rightly paying to your parents.

revengeornot

Thanks for your comments, I know what I need to do, or rather not do.

I guess I'm also at that age where I never expected a younger, good-looking guy to ever show interest in me, it makes me feel 16 again.

ailuro2

The last thing you need in your life right now is an affair with a married man.

Sit down and talk to your husband about how things are going, is there anything you could do to help you Dad that your husband might be able to do instead that would free up your time?

If I knew my husband had spent the night snogging the face off some woman at night out I'd consider that unfaithful, so as far as any revenge, you've had yours already.

Send a text back to the married man saying you'll be back in touch once your genital herpes has died down... OK so it might not be true, but it would most definitely put temptation out of your way.;)

dark_lady

So your husband had an affair 15 years ago and is now showing you zilch support over your caring responsibilities. Sounds like a bit of a selfish git tbh and i wouldnt put it past someone like your OH to use your caring responsibilities as an excuse for another fling "oh you wernt paying me any attention etc" . If i were you i would be honest with your OH and tell him that someone has shown an interest in you. It might make your OH buck his ideas up a bit. And you could always say you only responded to this other man cos you felt you needed comfort and support which at home seems slightly lacking!

System

Dave101t wrote: »

a 10 minute jolly.

What's the secret of making it last that long?

anjb

Hello,

I am sorry to hear of your situation. My Grandma has alzheimer's for the last 5 years and she doesnt know who the family is at all now - a shadow of her former self, so I can relate.

From my own limited experience (im 31), I've found with stress and worry the body looks for something to make us FEEL. Unfortunately this is often in the wrong places. Actions of affairs in the short term are exciting, but bring an overhead of pain in the future for all those connected, which start a downward spiral. DONT GO THERE!

It's a difficult time and it sounds like you need support, which is not coming from your OH. Often we think we can cope with anything but its ok to ask for help.

Your GP is an impartial start of support they will not judge you.
I personally found counselling surprisingly helpful.

Completely ignore this guy. It's not what you need right now, delete the text message and number from your phone.

Blessings.

clearingout

as the 'victim' of an affair, words fail me. The fact you're tempted shows that all is not well in your marriage. It is that you need to address. If you've rubbed along OK for 15 years, he could well be a habit and habits are hard to break, doesn't mean to say they're actually doing something for you or making you happy.

Do you have children? If so, how the hell would they feel? And more importantly, are you ready to be a single mother?

belfastgirl23

You know the most important thing in life is what you think of yourself. Putting everything else aside, could you look yourself in the eye and be happy with what you see if you went ahead with this? Is this the person you want to be? Yes you are having a very troubled time at the minute but you can be proud of who you are and how you are dealing with it. Don't take that away from yourself.

You do need to address the problems in your relationship though. I don't know if it's worth telling your husband that you have pulled back from the brink of having an affair and you've realised that you need something more from him. You know him best of course. But you are obviously at crisis point if you're even thinking about this and you need support. Please try and talk to him about it.

And well done for having the strength to take a step back. It's the easiest thing in the world to go with what feels good now than to take a painful look at what's right for everyone. You're obviously a strong person to have been able to do this.