Inheritance: Trying to avoid future problems

pinkclouds

If this is specifically about the house, then I think there is nothing further to say.

However, if the OP is more concerned about inheriting personal items - mom's jewellery and so on - which have sentimental value, then I can see why they don't want these things to go to the new girlfriend. That is something worth arguing about.

mountainofdebt

Interestingly enough OH was in a similar situation when his mum died and his father took up with a new girlfriend a few months later and then subsequently moved her in.

I don't know what initiated the conversation but it was another family member who raised the issue with him. Up to that point both OH & SIL hadn't even considered raising the matter with FIL.

I know that FIL did make a provision for the girlfriend when he died but we have a feeling that was more about preventing her contesting the will than anyother issue.

getmore4less

Potential nasty senario.

He buys into the house jont tenants and dies before they marry.

She get the house though survivorship his eatate has a IHT assesment on 1/2(ish) the value of the house along with the rest of his assets.

Savvy_Sue

I am sorry for your loss, but ...

jozbo wrote: »

We anticipate if we don't deal with this in advance it could lead to some nasty disputes in the future.

It takes two to make a dispute, so that's up to you.

jozbo wrote: »

This may well be the case... I can't help feeling a little sorry for us in this situation!

However sorry we may feel for you, you (all) have choices. You can either carry on feeling sorry for yourselves, and think of your 'rights', or you can regret the untimely death of your mother and get on with your own lives, allowing your dad to get on with his, and wishing him and his lady friend well. While she will never replace your mother, she could be a friend, and you might one day be glad of her as such.

gingin wrote: »

Sorry, jozbo. I don't want to sound harsh, it must be really hard losing your mum young but so many family disagreements start over money/ wills/ fairness and then they escalate into so much more. I really think you need to give your Dad time and not get worked up over the money.

Savvy_Sue

pinkclouds wrote: »

However, if the OP is more concerned about inheriting personal items - mom's jewellery and so on - which have sentimental value, then I can see why they don't want these things to go to the new girlfriend. That is something worth arguing about.

If not worth arguing about, certainly worth asking about in a sensitive way.

Mum's solicitor told her it was best to give away any particular items before she died, rather than gift them in her will: it saves a lot of aggro if the brooch she left you can't be found / has been broken / may have been snaffled by someone else. I realise some people won't want to do this, especially if they are still taking pleasure in jewelry etc, but Mum has started giving us trinkets etc and I like enjoying them now, and telling her I am enjoying them.

pimento

If his new wife dies, your dad will cop for the lot too. Does she have any children?

I expect they're thinking the same as you especially as her house is worth more than his.

Newly_retired

You talk about going to the CAB. What exactly do you want them to do for you?
You as adult children do not have any rights in this situation. If your dad dies whilst some of the children are minors, then they will have certain rights, safeguarded in law.
There is nothing you can do at the moment to safeguard your "inheritance".
Whilst the CAB works from extremely accurate and up to date information systems, some enquiries can only be dealt with by a solicitor.
AgeUK is an excellent specialist organisation, but as I said, there is nothing YOU can do except keep on good terms with your dad and his lady friend.

SandC

I think you need to trust that your father will sort out his financial affairs whenever they need sorting out. At this moment in time he hasn't sold the family home and he hasn't bought into his new partner's home. You need to step back and trust that when these big financial changes occur he will look into all avenues.

Similarly when they marry he will probably make a new will - but at the moment I suspect if you bring the subject up again it could cause some bad feeling with regards to timing.

I do understand where you are coming from - losing your mum at a young age does make you think about mortality and how someone can be taken from you unexpectedly. Have trust and faith in your dad.

By the way - I lost my mum at age 10 and dad met someone within a year and they were married just under 2 years after mum died. They didn't live together beforehand, probably cos us kids were youngish. My stepmum ended up looking after us growing up into adults, and my dad through his ill health for many years and she thoroughly deserved to inherit everything, as his wife, when he passed away last year.

melancholly

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Mum's solicitor told her it was best to give away any particular items before she died, rather than gift them in her will: it saves a lot of aggro if the brooch she left you can't be found / has been broken / may have been snaffled by someone else. I realise some people won't want to do this, especially if they are still taking pleasure in jewelry etc, but Mum has started giving us trinkets etc and I like enjoying them now, and telling her I am enjoying them.

i guess the OPs mum died 'young' and this didn't really happen. understandably - i'm older than the OP but my parents aren't ready to start handing things over now as they're using them themselves!!

i can imagine losing a parent and then the surviving parent wanting to sell the family home so soon would be very difficult. obviously life moves on but this all seems very fast and in that position, i'd feel like the rug was being pulled out. the children include teenagers - not adults who have set their life up separately over a long period of time. the father is coping with things in his own way (and maybe staying in the home would be too painful), which he has every right to do, but in the OPs position, i'd be massively uncomfortable.

OP - as others have said, an inheritance isn't a 'right' but i think at least you should be able to talk about personal items from your mother and from the family home. we've had experiences in my family of someone coping by clearing everything out asap.... so one person made a decision that meant no-one had anything personal to keep. i understand why it happened but it's still a shame. don't start a rift over this - the relationship with your father is more important. give it a little while to let the dust settle.

chorlton

I kind of understand how you feel.
My dad remarried someone only 2 years older than me - and they then had a child together when he was nearly 60 - he's nearly 70 now. I was/am very happy for my dad and i never thought about inheritance until my grandad passed away and left quite a lot of money and a pretty valuable house to my dad.
I don't feel I have any automatic entitlement but at the same time it is impossible not to think of the scenario where my dad passes away, leaves everything to my stepmum, and the 'family fortune' passes me by.

The advice bit - Well, I have chosen to say nothing. What will be will be. Clearly my dads priority is going to be to provide for his current family. Beyond that, I hope he has a sense of 'fairness' towards his first family (me and my brother and our kids). If he doesn't I'll be pretty gutted - and hurt to be honest - but there is nothing I can do. If he ever raises it I'll tell him how I feel but for me to raise it and to try and stake a claim feels wrong.