Inheritance: Trying to avoid future problems

paddy's_mum

You know, I've been the second wife, facing massive hostility from the child of the first marriage [particularly over "his inheritance"] and I will warn you as seriously as I know how to be very, very careful how you go about this. Carelessly or graspingly put, you could lose your father entirely over it all, if he chooses to stand by his new lady/partner/fiance/second wife.

I mean no disrespect, and make no accusations against you - I'm just trying to make you see that without a massive change of attitude, you may lose not only what you see as your family's dues but the love of your father too. I'm sure that given a choice, you'd rather keep the love of your remaining parent than inherit a few measly, begrudged thousands twenty years down the line.

Don't make an enemy of New Lady - it could so, so, so easily rebound on you and cause years of misery, animosity and tears. I hope it all works out for you all.

onlyroz

jozbo wrote: »

What can we do to protect our inheritance.

It really amazes me when people think they have some god-given right to inherit from their parents. Let's hope your poor old dad doesn't see what you've written here, because if he does he'll probably write you out of his will completely.

belfastgirl23

This money is your dad's money, not your inheritance. This needs to be your starting point. In your dad's shoes I'd also be very reluctant to be told what to do with my own money. Having lost your mum I really don't think this is worth falling out with your dad about.

I do take your point about your mum's share. I do know in a similar situation a relative of mine once the house was sold divided half the value amongst the children as 'mum's share' but the other half was then his to do with what he wanted, and he wanted to make sure that his new wife was not left unprovided for so made a will leaving the bulk to her. That seemed fair enough to me.

Don't forget it's also possible that this woman may go on to have more children (biology allowing of course).

I would also say are you sure the issue here is really the money? You've lost your mum tragically young and you're now having to adjust to your dad being with someone else when you can never replace your mum. And you're losing your family home into the bargain. Are you sure you aren't just expressing grief here? I only bring it up because it can be easy to get fixated on other issues when the bottom line is that you're incredibly angry with life for doing this to you and to your mum. But allowing grief to be expressed like this can be devastating for your other relationships.

And my condolences on your mother's death.

BitterAndTwisted

There is no "inheritance" until someone makes the decision that you do inherit something and reflects that in a will. It appears that your mother chose not to do that. Until your father expires there is no inheritance for you or your siblings to acquire. He could decide to retire and live in the Bahamas squandering HIS money on cocaine and hookers if he wanted and leave nothing to any of you if that is his pleasure.

Your query does you no credit whatsoever.

Liquorice_Twirls

But if your Dad died and his girlfriend inherited his share, equally if she died he would inherit that (and you may then inherit it when he dies). They both could do with thinking about what they want to do with their assets after their death and perhaps it is from this point of view you could speak to your Dad, rather than it being about "your inheritance".

floss2

Having lost both of my parents, one 14 years before the other, the only thing I wanted to inherit was personal mementoes, not money. Your question is, in my opinion, tactless and quite offensive to your father. Would you be asking the same question if he hadn't been in another relationship?

RAS

I think it is well to remember that many children, even adult children, find it very hard when their surviving parent gets into a new relationship within a year of their bereavement. In this case, their father got into a new relationship within 6 months of his wife's death.

Actually, this does not seem uncommon for men, based on record I have seen in the past. Women often take longer to get into another relationship.

For the children however, it can hard to reconcil their continuing grief with their father moving onto a new relationship. It almost undermines their confidence in their parent's marriage.

It also means that they face a second loss, because their relationship with dad changes now he has another woman in his life. If he is spending a lot of time with her, they can no longer relate to him in the same way they have done for the last 15-30 years. So they have lost their mum and their old relationship with dad in a few months.

I understand that he has the right to a new relationship and that his children may well be happy for him in the long term, just he is moving faster than they can cope with at the moment.

rachbc

Very soory for you loss, but if you mother had planned for you to inherit from her she would have left a will specifying this, a she didn't your father inherited it all and its therefore upto him what he chooses to do with it - both while he is alive and once he is no longer alive. You are not 'due' and inheritance - perhaps he's decided to fritter it all on fast cars and expensive wine and leave the rest to the cats home.

sp1987

As an aside, marriage revokes a will (unless the will is said to be in contemplation of marriage). Your problem will therefore continue whether he makes a will now or not. He would need to marry first and then make a different will in order for it to 'solve' the issue you raise here, realistically (unless it was a will in contemplation of marriage to her).

However, having only recently lost your mother and having your father in a new relationship...do you think you are setting the issue of finance as a way of grieving for your mother? It is something to concentrate on but it isn't something that you may get the answer you want at the end of the day.

What your father chooses to do with his money (including money left to him by your mother) is his choice. It may seem unfair, or unreasonable...if he makes a silly decision...but people do. Sometimes to preserve the relationships we have with people we have to realise and accept that people will do something that may be seen by some as wrong (and by others as your fathers free choice). If her house is worth £1m too, she isn't after your dad for his money, she has plenty of her own.

Your father is probably trying to muddle along after losing someone he spent many years with, maybe expecting never to be without her (or maybe just not thinking too far ahead as many do). Maybe reminding him of inheritance reminds him of death, something which is raw for him too currently? I think in his situation I would be very offish too.

Have you all had sufficient personal effects from your mother to all have some photographs or similar each? Having keepsakes are helpful to some people and her passing is still very recent really. I can understand that a year on from her passing you may be feeling very fragile. I bet your dad is too, though.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

meritaten

if your mum left everything to dad and nothing to her children or died intestate and dad inherited it all...........then you DONT have an inheritance! you would inherit what dad leaves you - if he wants to. keep that in mind and mind your manners!