My journey to being debt free again!

pennypusher

Hi jfc, have just read your post. I think you are an amazingly strong person despite all your problems. If you could talk to your other half perhaps you could update the amount he pays you for household expenses, he sounds like you could appeal to his sense of reason. Can you chat to each other and explain some of your feelings to him.

Maybe counselling with him might help your relationship, he sounds as if he is a little wrapped up in himself and maybe doesn't think about you and the children enough.

Keep your head held high, you sound like a lovely person and a wonderful mum.

jfc

Good Morning everyone

Thank you for the lovely supportive post Penny. I am feeling very upbeat today.

Still waiting for the credit card to recognise my overpayment but I am sure it will eventualy be refunded.

I think counselling will be the end result of the meetings with the pyschiatrist. I have been advised I can have up to £1500 worth of sessions using my health care so that will hopefully cover a few and get to the route of my reckless spending. Bi-Polar is the suspected diagnosis but I am not so sure, I think my spending is more like comfort eating but with money, I need to find out why I need to use it as a crutch, although I tend to spend when I am on a high rather than depressed. I forget I am poor and feel invincible and then out comes my not so flexible enemy (cant call a credit card a friend really, more like a two faced one who stabs you in the back with high interest rates when you are already feeling the pinch!)


Well, I have an exciting trip to the library this afternoon (looking for free ways to keep myself amused).

My daughter has her first boyfriend, she is nearly 16! From what I have heard he seems very nice, but we are not allowed to meet him officialy yet. I dont blame her, he would run a mile after meeting us! She is really loved up, and its nice to see her so happy, maybe would have been better to have happend after her GCSE exams but love waits for no man! She is inviting him over on Thursday evening, the night her dad goes to the pub with his friends....(not a coincidence). Shes asked me to go upstairs or to my mums and has banned her brothers from the lounge! I can see a disaster approaching...One complication..she has already agreed to go to the Prom with someone else, who happens to be her boyfriends best friend, he knows about this and is ok with it...:)

Middle son is busy planning what to wear for his 18th Fancy dress party, which was nearly a disaster when the local team drew Man U in the 5th round FA cup....all his friends said they were going to Manchester instead of his party...but they have all now changed their minds ....

Eldest son is happy and settled in his new job, hes made some friends and told me he now looks forward to getting out of bed in the morning (even though he has to get up at 5am!) well done on him xxx

With the ups and downs of family life, is it any wonder we end up needing therapy

Love n hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LAM2011

HI

Its good to hear you are feeling a bit more chirpy. Hopefully the credit card error will sort itself soon.

Lovely hearing about your kids too - sounds like they help keep you sane (even with the boyfriend troubles lol).

jfc

Hello Lam2011

I re discovered the library today. I have taken out 4 books (and one on Johhby Depp for my daughter (me) )... I am quite enjoying the challenge of doing free things for fun and I forgot about the joy of reading! A simple pleasure and free too (until the Library closes down through lack of funds)

My son told me his weekend employer (a retailer...well known one) are in a bad way. His supervisor told me that they will be lucky to avoid redundancys in the Spring. I hope not as he needs the money to run his car. He is on the lookout for another part time job until he finds an apprenticeship. He has decided against going to University, as he is worried about the mountains of debt he will aquire when he hasnt a clear idea of what he wants to do in the future. He did want to be a DR but then didnt really achieve the grades, he is considering working in the police force but they are not recruiting until 2012 due to cuts the other thing he is good at is IT (on target for a good A level grade in it) so perhaps an apprenticeship in IT..if there is such a thing. We have found a government website with lots of apprenticeships listed , ranging from hairdressing, engineering, accountancy, mechanic and warehouse staff...so lots of new things for him to consider.

My daughters had a terrible end to her day today. A rumour going round at school that her boyfriend is seeing another girl caused her to question him, to which he said he was...she was gutted and crying constantly, heart breaking to see...to make it worse she has fallen out with her 2 best friends and is now saying she wants to stay home from school tomorrow....a compromise has been reached, her brother will give her a lift in to school so she can avoid all 3 of them. She only has them in registration but she was worried about the walk in. Oh to be young again, I forgot the pain of youth

Eldest son, still happy, currently playing on his xbox live....although as he has to be up at 5am for work I am expecting him to have to change his sleeping habits or it will all catch up on him.

Ideas for fancy dress please....I considered a baby...but my son was horrified at the thought of his mum in a romper suit with a dummy in her mouth and a teddy under her arm (cant think why)...the other thoughts I had...Dinner lady, Clown but I would really like something original...(and not for a thin person)...

xxxxxx

jfc

Good Morning all

I was thinking during the night, what would I have done without my family to get myself out of debt. It scares me because I think I was on the verge of either taking my own life or commiting a crime, such as fraud to find a way out. I suppose everyone who is desperate considers all options but to be honest there arent really that many.

I was also pondering how on earth any of my children will ever afford to leave home in this current climate.

My eldest is 21 and earns the minimum wage temping whilst looking for permanent work. But I have calculated that even if they managed to save £5000 a year, that in 10 years that may be about £54000 (allowing for interest). It would possibly be enough for a deposit on a flat (council list is 12 + years ...cheapest private rental is £600-£700 a month...if they got a room in a shared house they may as weill live at home and save more towards a home of their own if that makes sense.....or am I just being absurd.

I suppose age 30 is the age most people can actualy 'afford' to leave home, my fear is my eldest shows signs of my condition and I would hate him to end up in debt like me

Sorry, I promised to be upbeat and I was looking at a negative that may never happen

So...back to today. I have a very busy day at work ahead of me, I am meeting up with my manager and colleague to discuss Fit4Business initiative that we are trying to put in place. Its a very good scheme that offers support for many different things. Eg: stoping smoking, losing weight, exercise, gambling addictions, alcohol and debt..lol ...Yes I am responsible for helping put in place a scheme at work that I should realy be using myself...

Off to get dressed...have a good day all

xxx

aviv

Dear jfc,


I just read through your thread and was very moved by it. You are obviously a very strong and caring person. Always putting other people before yourself. Well done for posting and sorting out your financial situation. You would have been able to sort it out even without your family’s help. In the end it is just money and it is not worth throwing everything away for it.


The reason I wanted to reply to your thread is that I have some experience with bipolar disorder. It can be quite a serious illness and sadly for some people life-threatening. From your description, it sounds like a very likely diagnosis. The reckless spending during a "high" periodic is very common, as well as the suicidal episodes you described (usually triggered by an underlying cause.)



Even if it turns out not to be the case I think it would be extremely beneficial if you could get access to counselling as well as to a qualified psychiatrist. Your health is the most important thing and the situation needs to be addressed.


Another idea is to try and contact one of the charities dealing with mental health (MIND etc) and maybe find a support group around you. Personally I found that there was a lot of support and kindness.


Finally please keep on posting and let us know how you and your family get on. Especially if you feel very down.
Wishing you and your family all the best for the future!!


X

jfc

Hello Aviv

I too am expecting that diagnosis to be honest. If I have Bi Polar will I need to inform my employer? I really dont want to end up being labelled a problem at work, it dosnt prevent me from doing my job, in fact during a high I become very creative and this in turn has rubbed of on my work. (We are taking part in a 'Lean' programme which means coming up with ideas to reduce and improve workload...I have come up with many suggestions that my company have now implemented ....all during a mania phase)...but I think Mental Illness still carries a stigma and I dont want to be treated as an odd ball...

This morning I have to go to the cashpoint, I keep no money in the house so I dont spend it!, but I had a call from my sons drama teacher while I was at work yesterday advising me that my son was due to go to the Globe theatre to day and attend a MacBeth Workshop, so he needs £20 plus train fare and lunch money! ...dosnt sound much but because I hadnt been advised I hadnt budgeted for it...I can afford it, I just panic when I go off my payment plan....:) However, I think it will be a brilliant opportunity for him, he is studying A level Drama and is already an excellent performer on stage..so it will be of a benefit to him

My eldest son asked me for £20 for petrol, he said he would pay me back on Friday when he gets paid, but I said no...I felt mean but he is walking distance from his work place (less than 5 mins) and I provide him with a packed lunch, so he can wait until Friday to get his car out....having said that I notice he has driven it to work this morning, so he may have to learn the hard way.

Not feeling too good today health wise, my throats sore and my head aches. I knew it would be a matter of days before the bug doing the rounds at work and home caught me...

Right, Im off to get ready for work....see you all later

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

jfc

Bank loan settlement now paid in full...:) just wanted to share that as of today I have no loan or credit cards! ...feels like ive lost weight xxxx

aviv

Dear jfc,

I am not a legal expert but I am quite sure that you do NOT need to inform your employer. But this is definitely something that you can discuss during your counselling. Everything that is said between you and your counsellor stays strictly between the two of you. So you do not have to worry about anyone interfering with your privacy.

Best Wishes and Congratulations on getting rid of your loands and CC's!!

Cyril

I think you are doing amazingly well all things considered but for me the glaring thing that sticks out is that your family seems really disjointed in that you and the kids are one half and your OH is completely separate. He seems to live in isolation from you in that his income is separate, his social life is separate, child care is your responsibility etc etc. It doesn't strike me as a family unit, sharing and caring all responsibilities etc.

Your OH is well placed to help but clearly doesn't. He is either in denial or genuinely oblivious to whats happening in his family. Why has he not offered marriage after so many years, particularly if if would help your feelings of security. Personally I think he needs to shape up. I hear what you say about his own childhood but he's an adult now and needs to ensure the cycle is broken so his own kids grow up knowing that Dad loves them.

If he only gives you £100 per week ask him to do the shopping so he really understands the cost of things. Substituting household costs has in part lead you into this debt.

Your situation can be easily resolved if he is willing to step up to the mark and support his family. Sell this new car and pay back your mother. He can buy a new car later. Give you an adequate sum to support the family bills.

Help you with supporting the children into adulthood etc etc.

When he plays an active role in family life some of the pressure causing your stress will hopefully be less.

Good luck and i'm sorry it turned into a bit of a ramble. From an outsiders POV it looks like lots can be done/