My journey to being debt free again!

Solwaysaver

jfc.... the only person you owe anything to is yourself, to be happy . Anyway, you're helping me too cos it means I have to stay on this site now and start dealing with my own debts! This is just the beginning, it may be a long road with several crossroads but it will come to an end somewhere!!

Keep your chin up xx

Yargo1

Hello.. just read through and also would like to subscibe,

Glad you sorted thing s a bit with your sister. You sound lovely and should nt beat yourself up over things. x

LAM2011

I also subscribed - anytime you want to chat we are here for you. I hope you feel a little better today. x

Lipstick99

Jfc I think thius has to be said.

Your husband is not paying his way or being responsible for his part of the family. How on earth you have coped with the restrictions of £100 a week for 5 people while he does what he wants is beyond me.

You deserve a medal. I thoiugh a marriage was about sharing responsibility. You need to talk to him. You are both parents. It's not just your responsibility. Hiding this will , and already has started to affect your health. Please do not let it continue.

Solwaysaver

jfc

Hope you're ok and haven't been put off posting. You're not here to be judged by anyone, we're all on here cos we've got in a mess somehow for whatever reason. My debt must be about 17-18k and I couldn't say how exactly :embarasse but it's facing up to it that matters.
How we deal with it is an individual choice, helped by support and advice by others on this site, it certainly gives me hope. Keep going, you will get there xx

JFC_2

hello again

Ive had an eventful couple of days...

Yesterday my Capital One Balance and my Egg card (£8381.33 and £4919) were paid off, still awaiting my settlement figure from Barclays. I rang them today and enquire about the letter I sent the Monday before last,the man was very apologetic and then we got cut off, this happened twice more, so Im popping into the branch tomorrow! My mum has paid these off for me and has been supportive to the extreeme which makes me feel guilty for my wobble before...

Today my sister accompanied me to see my GP and was there whilst I poured out my life story....the doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist...or rather he has asked me to contact my company about using private health cover as the waiting list on the NHS will be too long. He said he was unable to diagnose or recommend counselling as a first step and he felt I needed to see an expert and then take it from there.

My sister said I was brave and honest with the Dr and she was proud of me. He asked my sister some questions too, he asked whether she felt I had halucinations or responded to voices (which I dont)..she said that when I was much younger, in my teens there was one occassion when I had been drinking that I said some deeply disturbing things. she said I was very dark and she was terrified of what I was saying (I dont remember this at all and it was quite a suprise to hear her say it)...as I am now nearly 46 this is going back 29 years...

I summarised my past. I binge drank in my teens. was prescribed antidepressants at 15 when I was stressed out with my exams..(I didnt take them, I asked for counselling instead...which I got via a junior doctor)...later at the age of 19 I attempted suicide when my boyfriend of 3 years went with my best friend (incidentaly the same man I am now with)...if I can explain further, we were very close then, saw each other every day and it was a very deep betrayal as my best friend was like a sister to me and also a next door neighbour who I had known since the age of 2. There is another dark period at the age of 21, too personal to go into but it resulted in me needing bereavement counselling.

The other areas of my life that have caused pain I have mentioned in my first post on here so I wont go over them again. But I am basically more of a happy person than a sad one...so if I have got some type of Bipolar then the mania phase is the primary one I am in the majority of the time. Thinking about the jittery phrases of my life when I have contemplated suicide they have had real causes...not just feeling low for no reason I mean... eg, my dear dad passing away, my son being wrongly arrested, redundancy, etc etc...the way I dealt with it was the problem, I would spend, spend spend or eat eat eat or drink drink drink...if you get the picture. Moderation and controll out of the window.

My dark moods that followed these hyper phases were very low. I told the Dr I was thinking things like, it dosnt matter if I cant afford christmas next year as this will be my last christmas, and when we went on holiday I thought live for the moment as this will be the last family holiday. Then when I changed my work life insurance..I knew I was planning not to be around in the future.

During another low period I purchased Tramadol of the internet with the intention of swallowing the lot. I knew the affect from taking them when I broke my leg 5 years ago. They made me feel happy and in control but I hoped to take them and end it all. When I came to my senses I gave them to my mum to destroy...she was confused as she didnt understand why as I hadnt told her about my mounting debts.

The day I wrote to my mum about my debts I had spent the morning trawling internet suicide sites on the web, I found out the best way to end it all (I am not sharing that on here though as that would be irresponsible) My daughter telling me she loved me brought me to the reality with a bump.

This may sound like I am still caught up in it all...but I am not, well I hope not. I dont want to end my life. I want to begin it again, hence the move to see someone to learn ways to control my way of coping in times of stress.

I am concerned about what impact this may have on my career...if I am diagnosed with a mental illness will I have to disclose it? I also dont want medication if I can help it as I have a weight problem and all bipolar meds seems to make you gain lots of weight

hope you are all doing well in your own little battles with life

love n hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Raquela

Lipstick99 wrote: »

Jfc I think thius has to be said.

Your husband is not paying his way or being responsible for his part of the family. How on earth you have coped with the restrictions of £100 a week for 5 people while he does what he wants is beyond me.

You deserve a medal. I thoiugh a marriage was about sharing responsibility. You need to talk to him. You are both parents. It's not just your responsibility. Hiding this will , and already has started to affect your health. Please do not let it continue.

Very well said. I know you probably don't want to face up to this Jfc, but your husband is part of this, and being a family, married or not, is about sharing commitments, not you bearing the brunt on £100 a week. And if you don't tell him, how is the same thing not going to happen again and again?

LAM2011

hi jfc, your last post had me in tears. Well done on being so brave and facing up to all these demons now. I am so pleased that you have your sister and your mum on your side and with the counselling hopefully 2011 will be your year to get your life back on track.
xxx

jfc

Raquela and Lipstick : I understand what you are saying in your posts about my other half not playing his part. We are not married though and whilst I have always maintained that I was happy like this I think the real reason we never took the plunge and got married is because he wants to maintain a bachelor lifestyle. He does love the children but he is definitely not that good at showing it. My daughter (aged 15) has told me that when she leaves home and has her own children she wants them to have nothing to do with her father, she said hes constant lack of praise and unreasonable anger outbursts have caused her pain and she dosnt want her own children to be affected in the same way. I have tried to explain that he is a product of his own childhood. He was one of 5 children, in a family where money was tight, the children were expected to leave home and work from the age of 16. He finds the fact that the children want to do A levels and study as opposed to going out to get a job very hard to deal with on the one hand but is also cross if they struggle at school and need additional help. His parents died when he was 18 and he grew up faster as a result.

My family wanted to help my sister and me develop and helped out financial to ensure we could go to Uni (my sister) or college (me)...and they supported us in other ways too...My OH thinks the children should fund themselves, get part time jobs etc to support themselves. My middle son is doing his A levels and has a weekend job, so he works 7 days a week. Because of my OHs earnings he is not eligable for EMA but this assumes his father is helping him out, when he is not. I have been giving him £30 a week that he would have been entitled to had he qualified for EMA. Things like school trips and purchasing materials for school projects, again I help out or my son uses his weekend money for. My son is a good lad and dosnt ask for anything. In fact he recently bought me some new plates and cutlery as he realised ours was in need of some extras! (where do all the teaspoons go!) ....he does things like that without being asked, or rings me at work and offers me a lift home if its cold (I dont drive.) weird as my OH would often finish his day midmorning and sit in front of the telly not thinking I may like a lift home.

I do love him I think, but I no longer respect him. It has got to the stage where its easier not to complain and let him have his way than stand up and speak out...if that makes sense. I just want a quiet life.

Anyway back to the other things.

Lam2011 - I have had a weird old morning, I rang Barclays again and got quoted a settlement figure for my loan. My mum took the phone at this stage and was about to give her Nationwide debit card details to pay this off...when the advisor said "sorry you cant pay it off, you will have to transfer it into your daughters bank account and then she can transfer it to her loan". I asked if this would result in further interest charges.

He said the amount would be the same on Monday as today. I then queried the fact a transfer takes 3 working days and this would mean Wednesday was the earliest I could pay it off, I also said that I was unable to transfer to my loan from the bank account as I had tried to do this before and been refused, he assured me I can. Not so sure but will find out next week.

so my mum goes online to her Nationwide account ....but it wont let her transfer more than £10000 in one session, we manage to overcome this by doing 2 transfers (although worried it may bounce one back)...we shall see.

then...we decide to check my CC accounts...Egg is clear, but Capital one has taken my DD of 249 as well as full payment of account, and dosnt show as being in credit...another query for next week!

I am expecting Barclays to take this months payment too...I find expecting the worst you dont end up disappointed!

My daughter is out prom dress shopping in Oxted today with my sons girlfriend ( my mum is paying for the dress as she was really upset when she learnt her grandaughter wouldnt otherwise be able to go..she is the last of her 5 grandchildren to go to Prom and all the others attended)

My middle son received a parking ticket on Wednesday night despite paying and displaying. He has a photo of it on his windscreen and I have emailed it off to Premier Parking to appeal the charge! I felt so sorry for him, he was doing a compulsory stock take for his weekend employer, and had already given up his ticket to see Usher which he had been given for Christmas to do this work...then he comes out to this ticket fine for £100 which is more than he would have earnt at work - but that is life..not sure we will win the appeal as this particular company have a poor reputation.

Sorry for going off on a tangent, just trying to be more upbeat and talk about things other than debt, although parking tickets arent much better are they xx

love n hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

jfc

Hi all

Just about to go to the supermarket to manage my £100 to feed a family of 5 for a week challenge thought I would sign in and tell you about the latest thing to occur. My egg balance shows zero but my mums nationwide card shows 2 amounts of £4919 being deducted from her account! one on 4th Feb and again on 5th Feb! so battle number 2 commences...why dosnt it appear as overpaid on egg...!

Oh well Im learning to expect things like this