My journey to being debt free again!

jfc

Hi Glittermonster

I was planning on telling him after the children have finished their exams, (june/Juy)that way if the eruptions wont have an impact on their revision but I dont like the way I am bein made to feel.

I compare it to my sister having something she wanted to keep from her husband...eg, comments about him irritating her as he is on permananent sick leave at home all day ..imagine if I took it on myself to tell him her comments that she told me...I wouldnt dream of interferring in their relationship.

Thanks
xx

jfc

I can see my familys view point, if they help me out I lose my right to privacy. Hence me considering not accepting the money as I dont know if I can cope with everyone treating me as a fool. The pitying looks are hard enough from them, but I dont want my children to start being affected by it as well. My oh knows I am in debt, but not by how much so I havent lied to him just not given him details... but my mum and sister want me to tell him exactly what I owe.

LAM2011

First off - big hugs. xx

Seondly - I am so sorry that your mum and sister cannot stand by you and support you. I would have thought blood would be thicker than water so to speak. You either need to sit with mum and sister and open up completely how you feel and your reasons re the children and see if they can stand by you or you need to tell OH and ask him if you can both act adult about it and not bring the children into it. Either way it seems like no easy way forward. I disagree that you should lose your right to privacy just because you are being lent money. All the more reason they should stand by you and help you out.

jfc

Now I feel awful for posting on here....my mum has just rung me to say both of them are only concerned that I am going through this alone and should be being supported by my partner, they were worried I would do something silly as a result of the conversation this morning, my sister regrets saying anything to me and wants to take me for coffee today at lunchtime..XXXX I know there intentions were for the right reasons, I am emotionally a bit unstable at the moment...will sign off now for a while

LAM2011

You should not feel awful for posting - you need to get your thoughts out. I hope everything is ok for you xxx

Soph86_2

Don't feel awful.....offloading on here is better than stewing on it with no-one to talk to about it. That's what we're here for, mutual support!

Hope things get better for you soon,

Soph x

Solwaysaver

jfc....being a newbie myself I'm not in any position to give much advice but your post moved me to tears and I just had to reply. I agree with others, you always have a right to privacy, no matter what, sometimes family think they know best but it's not always the case! I haven't used the site much, for posting anyway, don't know wether that's due to laziness or denial but will keep reading to see how you're doing.
I think you've done really well posting how you feel, that's a great achievement to start with.
Best of luck to you xx

Solwaysaver

Ps. I've subscribed to your thread, hope that's ok. Not really sure what it means but hoping it means I can find your postings easily without having to trawl through the whole forum! x

glittermonster

Hi - ah I see - please don't go - I wasn't being negative I just wondered.
How did your coffee go?
Well I hope!
I hope they can respect and support your reasons for not saying anything to him yet!

jfc

Hi all

Solwaysaver - I'm touched that you have subscribed to this thread, I now feel I owe it to you, to keep it updated xxxx

Glittermonster - Don't worry I didn't go because of your post, you were being supportive and honest, I appreciate your advice ..I went because I was feeling emotional and needed a breather to compose my thoughts before I wrote something I didn't mean about my family...who I do love and appreciate despite this mornings setback.

Well, my sister contacted me at work and offered me a lift home, she took me for a coffee and a chat and she said she realised she shouldn't have said what she did prior to me starting my day at work, she felt the need to get it out but wanted to wait until the weekend so I could cope and respond in private and not dissolve in tears in front of my colleagues...one of which was returning today after a long absence due to a bereavement and I really wanted to be there for him.....

Anyway...my sister said that since my father died she has felt she needs to step in his shoes to take charge and care for mum and me. She said she feels like a policeman laying down the law, but she promised my dad when he was in the hospice just before he died...that she would look after both of us for him...she feels this promise to him is something of a burden at times as she just wants to be a sister and daughter. I understand her feelings much more clearly now she has explained it all. I do know she loves me and I know she is acting for the best. I have a very different life from hers and she worrys about me, almost like the way I worry about my children and their future.

My sister is a career woman, high earner and is very comfortable, hs 2 daughters and owns 2 propertys, she is planning to retire at 50. I on the other hand have lived a different life, I have always worked hard but had low to medium paid positions, I took 9 years out to raise my 3 children and also looked after her 2 daughters so she could return to work..(my choice and I loved every minute of it, so dont begrudge the low income)....I havent worried about money until recently when I took a close look at my finances and realised I was living a lie, based on juggling credit cards. I dont anticipate being able to retire until 70 if then as I have a meagre pension, with no savings but im planning to change that with this plan....

I love my sister, am proud of her but I am also proud of my achievements in life, I have 3 lovely semi grown up children who I adore, I may not have a secure future finacialy but I wouldnt change my choice in regards of being with my children for anything, I know I was lucky to be able to be with them...

My crime in life is I find saying no very hard....this is something I am going to learn...and already saying it ...My son (aged 21) just called me at my mums where I am staying, looking after her as she broke her ankle and needs help..he asked me for some money for food as the fridge is empty...normaly I would say how much...but instead I said "What do you mean no food, I checked today and there is plenty of food in the fridge and freezer and preceeded to list the items..." My son has money worries too as he is in between temping assignments and hasnt worked or received benefits since december (he was told that his next assignment was due to start mid-jan but they keep postponing it, now he starts on 4th Feb but receives his first paycheck the following Friday....He has a warm comfy home, bed, and food but I wont give him money for cigarettes or petrol as I deem it unneccesary expense that I cant afford anymore than he can. I know its hard for him as it means he cant see his girlfriend but not for long, and in the long run it will help him become independent...(at 21 I had left home and had a mortgage) I dread to think how he will cope...but he is a good lad in other ways, he has a warm heart and he suffers with dyspraxia and low self esteem which I know causes him pain at times.

I have rambled on and on here...sorry for that...xxxxx