CSA, non-resident father....nightmare UPDATE!

shelley_crow

DUTR wrote: »

I'm not patronising the OP, just stating some of the obvious without siding or getting emotionally wrapped up in the tale, after all it does not affect you or I whichever way the outcome goes.
It's no point painting a totally rosy picture for the OP, life is not always rosy, after all the father could later just pay the csa and choose not to have any contact with the child, and Mums and children have posted about "how can I get him to see /visit me?"

It may not be how you meant it but that's how it came across, from the very first word "darling".

It's true that the OP could be lying, she may be a middle aged man with no kids posting on here for giggles. Every post we respond to affects us on some level, why else would we bother taking the time to reply?

I take posts at face value, i saw no point in implying that the OP was lying about her situation.

In an ideal world, OP's ex would quit drinking and be able to have full access to his son, which no-one would argue is for the best. As you have said though, anything is possible.

OP, do you have a solicitor?

DUTR

shelley_crow wrote: »

It may not be how you meant it but that's how it came across, from the very first word "darling".

It's true that the OP could be lying, she may be a middle aged man with no kids posting on here for giggles. Every post we respond to affects us on some level, why else would we bother taking the time to reply?

I take posts at face value, i saw no point in implying that the OP was lying about her situation.

In an ideal world, OP's ex would quit drinking and be able to have full access to his son, which no-one would argue is for the best. As you have said though, anything is possible.

OP, do you have a solicitor?

I'm not accusing the OP of fabricating the story, in fairness people sometimes say things in temper (I'm reffering to the OPs ex here), Im sure words were said in the heat of the moment at the time.
If the child is very young then there is little to no chance of overnight contact, but as the child gets older then that could change, there are enough social studies that report effects on children-adults who have had no or very little contact with their natural father , is fighting off and pushing the guy out of the child's life in the best interest of the child? If not the Mother is not acting in the best interest of the child either
The post is not an attack or argument, but just situations to be considered long term

emsywoo123

Sorry, baby feeding time :0)

Hope I am covering most points:

• Ex is an alcoholic, no slander, he attended AA for a while, but admits he had a big binge last week, and turned into a ****!
• I do have a solicitor that I can instruct
• I have done my best to facilitate to contact-he initially said he didn't want any, but I persuaded him it was in DS's best interests!!

Will edit to add if I've missed something

liney

If he is an alcoholic, as opposed to a reformed alcoholic, then surely he would get supervised contact?

Go and see your solicitor. Give Citizens advice a call in the mean time.

emsywoo123

liney wrote: »

If he is an alcoholic, as opposed to a reformed alcoholic, then surely he would get supervised contact?

Go and see your solicitor. Give Citizens advice a call in the mean time.

He will deny the alcoholism, despite concerns by GP etc, so I assume it might be on medical records, but whether they are seen I do not know?

RAS

Speak to far2812. She had to provide evidence that she was not usign substnaces (which she was not), because her ex made allegations.

I think it was hair samples in her case, but you could ask regular tests to show alcholol use.

emsywoo123

RAS wrote: »

Speak to far2812. She had to provide evidence that she was not usign substnaces (which she was not), because her ex made allegations.

I think it was hair samples in her case, but you could ask regular tests to show alcholol use.

Thank you, someone else mentioned hair samples, but he keeps his hair very short, and as he binges, it might not be enough.

Either way, I will just have to let him take me to court, because I have offered again today to meet and have a face to face with a mediator, and he has refused.

puddy

courts are used to instructing hair strand tests and will ensure that its done at a relevant point to show enough hair to test properly. there are other tests that can be done too.

the advice above is correct, access is not related to maintanence, they are separate issues, no court will be swayed by whether its paid or not. they will be concerned as to how these children can grow up, knowing and experiencing a safe and fulfilling relationship with both their parents. if that means that contact needs to be supervised that is what they will order, if not, then they will order that too.

the alcoholism will impact on the children in different ways, and its those ways that need to be assessed to see what sort of contact can be ordered.

with regard to PR, its unlikely he WONT get it, IF he manages to stick by contact orders and such like, as he appears to be showing an intention to be the children's father and commit a relationship to them, although i note your point about persuading him in the first place

neither of you have the 'right' to contact or residence with your children, the rights belong to the child

mrs_marty

It really does depend on what he is after, and what the sheriff grants. With regards to the alcoholism if you can prove this to be the case then I would imagine the contact will be supervised using a contact centre. It is tough and court isn't exactly nice either (I have contact issues with my ex husband and frequently are there) so I would if you can instruct a good family specialist solicitor and if possible try mediation first to reach an amicable conclusion.

emsywoo123

Well, he has just texted me to say he has changed his mind, and does not want to go to court!