Me again re access... I know I know.. your sick of me!

SingleMumOf2_3

My ex has met my partner several times. and I introduced him to my children slowly and properly. I also make sure my partner isnt around my kids more than dad sees them, especially with baby. As i know how important bonding is etc. I have pulled dad up many times over bad language. infact only last week i spoke to him about a rascist word. his reply was to laugh. he found it highly amusing. i think he is quite immature in certain ways. so he just doesnt see the harm in the things that he does. he has had his car smashed up on his drive way because of his last girlfriend. on a night when my eldest was upstairs in bed. i have asked him if just to start with once he has moved, if he can spend the day with his girlfriend and my son.. but then stay at his mums overnight or just my son. just until he gets used to the change and a new person.
i am truly hoping this girlfriend works out this time. for my kids sake any my own lol.

SingleMumOf2_3

dutr its not jelousy hun. i know it comes across that way. id love for his relationship to work out and for him to be happy. as that means no more stress from him to me i think i also may have postnatal depression. not majorly. but that makes me worry unnecessarily maybe..

BARGAINHUNTER!

I think you might be much more reassured if you met the girlfriend and knew something about her. At 2 1/2 and 5 months old your children are not in a position to tell you anything about her, so you are going to have to find out for yourself. Did your ex swear and use racist words when you were together? How do you know your ex has been bad mouthing you to the children? Has the 2 1/2 year old said something or has someone else? At 2 1/2 children have very little understanding of language so id be very surprised if he was able to tell you very much, or indeed if it was accurate and taken in the right context. I feel for you, I really do, your children are so so young and really need consistancy at that age. I split from my ex when my children were older and we share care. I don't agree with all of his parenting skills (mainly staying up late!) , but he does not put them in any danger. All I can do is ask him if he would mind trying to get them to bed a bit earlier. Not much I can do about it if he dosen't though as he is their Dad and is entitled to make judgements on their upbringing. I could turn round and say that if he does not do as I want im going to reduce his access, but then he could turn round and say the same to me!!! It isn't such a major problem that I have felt the need to do this, as it isn't in my childrens best interests. However, if my ex moved someone else in and I had a major problem with her (drugs for example or the way she was treating my kids) I would not hesitate to step in.

Its tough - if you were still together you would still have these different parenting styles and he might have sworn in front of them, but then it would be down to the two of you coming to a compromise about what is acceptable and what is not. All you can do now really is say to him that you would rather he didn't do certain things in front of the children. I would definately recommend trying to get to know new girlfriend though.

if you feel that you might be suffering from PND or 'baby blues' please see your health visitor or doctor - they should be able to help you through this.

Its not easy handing your children over to someone else at any age, so I can't imagine its very pleasent for you with yours being so very young.

SingleMumOf2_3

he has always sworn all the time, but when I was married to him it was easier to keep reminding him to curb it if that makes sense. it is from a friend of his who has told me this.. someone he has cheated on his girlfriend with.. which is why i worry they might not work out if he is doing that already so soon into a relationship.
he has only been since for maybe 3 days in the whole year since we split up. everytime he gets with someone he seems to want the whole package. tells the he loves then within a week, starts house hunting or moves in with them. its gone on and on with various women since we split. its his life and he can make his own mistakes. i just want him to consider the effects on his children. i see so many kids who are confused due to things in the past. i dont want it to happen with mine because he wants a happy family but doesnt see life realistically.

DUTR

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

dutr its not jelousy hun. i know it comes across that way. id love for his relationship to work out and for him to be happy. as that means no more stress from him to me i think i also may have postnatal depression. not majorly. but that makes me worry unnecessarily maybe..

When I used to go and see my daughter, it was the Bf's that the pwc had that were questionable, but it was not for me to police that as long as nothing untoward was occuring.
I don't visit now, so I can't be accused of cuasing any stress , not that I did, but at least I can't be bad mouthed other than I no longer visit

BARGAINHUNTER!

I don't mean to be blunt but whats to say that you and your boyfriend will stay together? You can't have been together that long if your youngest is only 5 months old ( feel free to correct me on this if im wrong though!) You have introduced him to your children. You must have felt comfortable doing so and made a judgement call on this - just as hopefully your ex has with his new girlfriend. Did your ex have anything to say about you introducing your new partner to the children? And what would you have done/said if he had said that he felt that it was too soon? Again - im playing devils advocate!!

Unfortunately there are no guarantees in life that people will stay together. I really hope that your ex has met 'the one' and that they stay together (as I do with you and your partner) but unfortunately none of us have a crystal ball (would have helped me greatly in the past if I did! )

SingleMumOf2_3

I met him when I was pregnant (split with hubby at 8 weeks pregnant as discovered he was cheating). I met the man I am seeing 2 months later. I know there is a chance I may not stay with him. But I have only introduced ONE man.. and as a friend. we dont kiss infront of the kids etc. and my eldest sees him twice a month if that. I usually see him when the kids are at dads.. sometimes baby will be here.

dutr if he just picked up and dropped the kids off it would be easier. but he is such a stress head. will come in with kids swearing that someone is parked outside my house.. like he has a right to the space. shouts at people parked outside my house if they are sat in the car and tells them to move but nastily. so then i have my neighbours to face!!! he then hovers and stays in hopes i offer to make him a brew. which i have stopped doing.
for the time he is here he will moan about his life, make out i am loaded and say he has no food to eat. yet he runs a car and travels to his mums 3 times a week.

i know i am moaning here. and for that i am sorry. but hopefully now its all out if letters on the scream i can stop dwelling on it and move on to a better none moaning mummy.

SingleMumOf2_3

oh and can I add.. just had a text to say he is now single.. and people wonder why I worry.. he will be with someone else or back with her end of the week. this is why i worry about my eldest getting confused meeting so many women. sorry i will shut up now.

BARGAINHUNTER!

At the end of the day you can't live his life for him and make his decisions for him. If thats how he chooses to live his life then so be it. Is it possible he still wants to get back with you do you think?

And I think people can see why your worry about your children.

SingleMumOf2_3

he tells me every few weeks he is still in love with me etc etc. i made it clear he had no more chances when i filled for divorce. we are divorced now. but i really hoped it would clarify things for him. but he still tells me. i think what it is.. he realises his perfect family has gone for good.. and seems to want that with someone else. but he is getting with any girl that will have him and then it goes wrong a week or 2 down the line. whereas it would be easier for him to take time out and be single for a few weeks... and maybe date women he got on with rather than just thinking of sx and moving in with people.