Me again re access... I know I know.. your sick of me!

SingleMumOf2_3

I just cannot pm everyone who has offered without getting in a tizzy lol.

I am wanting to reduce ex's access to my eldest from 3 days/nights to 2 days/nights. Am I allowed to do this?

And I am not using the kids as pawns.. or doing this to get at him.
I am doing this because his influence on my kids are having a bad effect currently.. and he is moving in with a new girlfriend he has only been seeing a few weeks who my kids havent even met yet. And my eldest has already been introduced to a few different women in dads life who didnt work out. So I guess my main worry is how it would effect my eldest if he still stayed over with a new house and new woman etc.

Also.. things are being said to others that arnt true. things are being said to my eldest that arnt true. And I want my children to grow up telling the truth to people. Not learning that lying is ok.

I plan on phoning my solicitor on Monday. But I guess my question is.. can I chance access? also.. what rights does he have as dad to access? and on things like the welfare of his kids in a none dangerous sense. obv theres no violence and no drugs and he is trusted with the kids. But what about him trusting a new gf around his kids while he nips upstairs or goes to the shop? he wont even let me meet her!

DaisyFlower

If you had concerns re access then what difference will one night make? Cant see what difference the extra night makes.

3 nights is reasonable as its pretty much 50/50 which means the children benefit from equal time with both parents and at the end of the day its about the children not the adults.

SingleMumOf2_3

daisy I say 3 nights, but 1 of the days/nights within those 3 nights are actual at nannas without daddy. I am hoping if i reduce it to 2 (meaning only 1 day and 1 night with daddy) it will mean that my influence will over ride what is done at dads?

DaisyFlower

From your post I cant see any justification for the reduction of access other than you would like it rather than what will benefit your child/children.

So if you meet somebody or move house would you be happy that you ex demaneded more access due to that? I doubt it.

Its not about what you want and why should a father not have any influence in their childs life - he is their parent just as you are.

TBH it sounds sour grapes that he has moved on and you are not liking that so using the children as pawns.

CraftySaver2689

i think you are offering more than enough, i have followed a couple of your threads, you also dont need to give his mum 1 day and night a week once a fortnight is also plenty - you need to do whats best for your kids and being shipped off to someone different (granted family) house every few days isnt good for them

SingleMumOf2_3

I am doing it because Iam worried about my kids. I have more time to study and to myself the more they are at dads. So it isnt that at all.

He is moving in with a woman he barely knows.. and expects my sons to be able to adjust to that suddenly with never meeting her before hand. He is teaching rascist words and swear words and is telling my son bad things about me and my partner (who I don not live with).

He is telling lies about having the kids at other times in the week because I cannot cope with them. I do not understand why a good dad would need to tell his children bad things about their mother and lie to others. He is also working and claiming yet I provide everything like nappies, wipes, milk.. which is why I refuse to give him any benefits for the days he has him. He is inconsitent to my babys routine and for potty training with my son aswell as requests that meals need to be eaten before treats are given.

He is also moving 40 miles away.

SingleMumOf2_3

crafty I have no problem with him going to nannas because she spends all her time with him, takes him to places and does really good activities with him. she feeds him healthy and teaches him things. that is the one thing that is consistent to him every single week and he looks forward to that. its dads time that worries me. may not be a justified worry, but to me it feels like it is. which is why an outside opinion will help to clarify things for me.

mrs_marty

I completely get where you are coming from. Do you have a contact order? If so you will have to go back to court to have it changed, as you would be breaking the terms. Is Dad on speaking terms with you or could you go to mediation to try and resolve the issues. If you haven't the court will suggest it.

It really is tough when all you want to do is protect your wee ones. I have a near exact same situation as you and it is awful. Hope things find a resolution x

SingleMumOf2_3

No it is a mutual agreement

pupsicola

I wouldn't be happy about my kids staying at their dads house with a woman that their dad hardly knows, let alone your kids. Like you say what if they were left with her whilst he popped out. While he sees her through rose tinted glasses and hardly knows her how can he be sure the kids will be ok. Why is he so anti you meeting her? What does he think you are going to do?

I have insisted on meeting my ex new partner before she came into contact with my kids. Had nothing to do with being jealous or not being able to move on (as if, she is welcome to him). You cant be too carefull about the people they are introduced too and the influences they have. In every aspect of their lives you know who is around them, at school/nursery etc. So of course you have concerns. Speak with your solicitor and see where you stand legally. If you explain your valid concerns and let them know what has been going on to make you worry I am sure they can sort it out for you.

SingleMumOf2_3

He has now said he has known her years. and that my son has met her loads of times. but he didnt think to ask me? he doesnt see the problem. I really do want to reduce contact. because all my hard work on behaviour etc is being ruined. and I think my son has been unsettled enough in the last yr... mum and dad seperating, starting nursery... going from mums, to nanas to dads, new baby brother arriving etc.

I am unsure legally where I stand with changing access and what is seem as fair for a father seeing him kids. I want whats best for my kids. He also causes me tons of stress which isnt good for the kids.. unhappy mother etc.