Me again re access... I know I know.. your sick of me!

SingleMumOf2_3

can i also add that my mother (their other nanna) currently doesnt get to see them barely at all now because she is only available one afternoon a week and thats on the day that they are at dads (the day i am wanting to exclude).
so the children would then see daddy and both nannas regularly and as a routine.

BARGAINHUNTER!

I assume your ex has parental responsibility? Could you talk to him about some common ground rules regarding behaviour so at least there is some consistancy? Unfortunately, whilst your children are with your ex is is up to him, as their Dad, who they come into contact with and what they do (obviously within reason!!). if you have any obvious problems re his new partner (drugs etc) then you will need to see a solicitor with a view to taking it to court to get the contact pattern in writing. If the current contact pattern has been going on for a while and is by mutual agreement, the judge will take this into account in making his decision. The judge will not be interested in what the parents want, rather what is best for the children. You would need to have a very very good reason for the judge to change things from how they are now. And one night a week isn't going to make an awful lot of difference. If it does go to court you will need to try hard not to let the judge think you are doing it out of spite as your ex has a new partner. If you see a solicitor they will recommend mediation first if you cannot come to mutual agreement without it, and if that fails then it will have to go to court for a contact order to be made.

Are your children old enough/mature enough to be spoken to to see if they would like contact to carry on as before or to have more time with you?

SingleMumOf2_3

Hi bargain hunter. my eldest is 2 1/2 so he just gets told the day before when he is going to dads. but obviously dad telling him bad things about his mum will start to have some effect sometime! my youngest is 5 months and I am reluctant to increase the access for him just yet even though I am being nagged to. As simple instructions for night feeds or bedtime routine are being ignored. So I work my !!!!! off all week with both kids with potty training, healthy eating, bedtime routine and getting baby to go a decent time in the night.. for them to come back after being at dads and it feel like i am starting all over again.
I am also struggling with my son picking up bad language from his dad. as when I go out with my son or he is at nursery it is me who is looked at like a terrible mother, when I didnt teach him the language in the first place.
I few weeks ago he had gotten with his current girlfriend.. and then decided he didnt want to be with her. because she had sent him nasty texts. He told me that he has really bad language with swearing and is a bit of a hot head. so now that he is dating her and moving in with her I am rather worried of the effect on my children.

Also in regards to reducing access by 1 day. this was going to be a temporary measure. so that my son could get to know his girlfriend gradually and feel more secure with having his home etc.

DUTR

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Hi bargain hunter. my eldest is 2 1/2 so he just gets told the day before when he is going to dads. but obviously dad telling him bad things about his mum will start to have some effect sometime! my youngest is 5 months and I am reluctant to increase the access for him just yet even though I am being nagged to. As simple instructions for night feeds or bedtime routine are being ignored. So I work my !!!!! off all week with both kids with potty training, healthy eating, bedtime routine and getting baby to go a decent time in the night.. for them to come back after being at dads and it feel like i am starting all over again.
I am also struggling with my son picking up bad language from his dad. as when I go out with my son or he is at nursery it is me who is looked at like a terrible mother, when I didnt teach him the language in the first place.
I few weeks ago he had gotten with his current girlfriend.. and then decided he didnt want to be with her. because she had sent him nasty texts. He told me that he has really bad language with swearing and is a bit of a hot head. so now that he is dating her and moving in with her I am rather worried of the effect on my children.

Also in regards to reducing access by 1 day. this was going to be a temporary measure. so that my son could get to know his girlfriend gradually and feel more secure with having his home etc.

It does seem like you are just waiting for the type of replies you want to read, and frankly it does sound like sour grapes to be honest, what difference will one day make? If it is not for spite

SingleMumOf2_3

well.. i guess i should leave things as they are. i just cant not worry. normal i guess. i will try each time to speak to him re language. maybe if i send a list of routine.. or explain on paper where we are up to on potty training etc. in hopes he will at least try?

i have told him that as of next week he needs to at least provide "some" nappies and wipes for when he has the kids.

i suppose its hard knowing my son will be around a woman i know nothing about. if you knew the half of how my ex is.. you would understand a little where im coming from but its so hard to explain.

im going to stop replying to texts / phonecalls to. unless its about him picking up the kids etc.

DUTR

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

well.. i guess i should leave things as they are. i just cant not worry. normal i guess. i will try each time to speak to him re language. maybe if i send a list of routine.. or explain on paper where we are up to on potty training etc. in hopes he will at least try?

i have told him that as of next week he needs to at least provide "some" nappies and wipes for when he has the kids.

i suppose its hard knowing my son will be around a woman i know nothing about. if you knew the half of how my ex is.. you would understand a little where im coming from but its so hard to explain.

im going to stop replying to texts / phonecalls to. unless its about him picking up the kids etc.

I'm sure the kids will be in good hands and the ex would not have them in any jeopardy, it's not as if the new woman will win the childrens love for you and take over as their mother, you have free time to conclude your studies , who knows tomorrow you may meet that tall footballer who loves you :beer:

SingleMumOf2_3

i am seeing someone decent thank you

pupsicola

You sound like a really good mum to me. You are trying to make sure that all your childrens needs are being met. You want them to have the security of following the same routine whoever they are with. This helps with kids especially regarding bedtime, potty training and feeding. Also you are bringing them up well, to be respectfull and not use bad language. All that you are asking is that their dad does the same. A grown man should not need it spelt out to him in letter form, a simple discussion should suffice. You know him best though. I hope things work out.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Ok - I didn't realise they were so young! I think the way forward is to explain to Dad what you are doing with regards potty training etc and ask him if he would mind trying to do the same when they are with him for consistancy.

FWIW I had a friend who thought nothing of dropping swear words into sentances, and she didn't seem to know she was doing it as she didn't change her language regardless of who she was speaking to. She had three children, and I never once heard them utter a swear word, or in fact behave badly. Whereas on the otherhand, I never swore in front of my children, yet my son would pick up words from school which was very frustrating! I had to explain to him that such words were inappropriate, and eventually he got the message!

Has your ex met your partner? Please try to think how you would feel if the situation was reversed and he wanted to reduce the childrens contact with you either because he did not agree with the way the children were being brought up or because he did not want them to spend time with your partner. Im not trying to be harsh just playing devils advocate!

Im actually in a similar situation to you, but I am the girlfriend! My partner (we don't live together) has his children currently 6 nights out of 14, yet his ex wife is trying to reduce this time and is coming up with silly reasons for doing so. This is where I got the information about the Dad having equal parental responsibility from and going to court from, as we are currently liasing with a solicitor about this.

Im a mum too, and am very mindful of how I treat my partners twins when they come to stay with me. In no way do I try to become their mum (I have two children of my own). The way we did it was to introduce me two years ago as a 'friend' and then last year my partner spoke to the children and asked then how they would feel if he asked me to be his girlfriend. The twins are older though - nearly 10. They have naturally accepted me and so far we have not had any problems (apart from his ex who seems unable to move on). Are you able to drop the children round there when the girlfriend is there and maybe have a quick chat and coffee with her? That might reassure you a bit that they are in safe hands. Do you know anything about her (does she have any children etc)?

DUTR

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

i am seeing someone decent thank you

So see bargainhunter's recent reply, as you have someone decent, so why get jealous now that your ex has found happiness also?