Advice needed, please. DV, housing and benefits. Anyone had help from Womens Aid?

blue_monkey_2

UPDATE: OK, since posting this morning the OP has opened up about more of the situation on the other thread and there is much more to this than just staying in the house.

She needs advice on getting out of the situation she is in as well as benefits advice please - it is quite in depth. I'll leave the rest of the post because some people have already read and commented but from Page 11 onwards on the other thread, she tells us more about the situation she is living in at the moment. Has anyone has help from Womens Aid that can give her more advice and help please.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2918002

Thank you to anyone who can offer some advice, I know this is a tricky subject to deal with though, if anyone wants to PM me or her so I can pass the info onto her, that would be appreciated. I just want to make sure she is armed with as much info as possible as I know myself how hard it is to get out of a situation such as this when she finds the strength to do so.

Thank you again. I hope you do not mind me passing people over there D.

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Can anyone advise this desperate lady, she is at the end of her tether.

There is a long running thread on another board that probably does not get as many views from people in the same situation so I am posting here in the hope that someone can advise this lady on what she can do next.

She is a single mum of 2 kids under 3, reason ex walked out saying youngest was not his (it is - he has now 'accepted' the child is his), earns good money, new girlfriend (you know the rest...) refuses to pay for the kids but pays half the mortage. Has said he will cease doing so after January if she does not leave the property. They have a joint mortgage.

He has so far refused to pay for kids but CSA now involved and money was due on Jan but has not come through (prompting the post and made me post here). He will give her £50 then call CSA and tell them he has paid so the CSA take it from the money she is 'owed' (but has not seen any of). She does not get enough money to pay childcare, her half of the mortgage and bills. She is desperate. He seems to be able to call the CSA and put his payment dates off and the like, how on earth I have no idea.

She took a new job thinking it was more hours as the lady she is replacing does 30 - it is less, boss says tough you are starting regardless (same organisation) - but it is now 15 hours so she will lose WTC, childcare and other benefits.

Solicitor told her to sell the house so other posters told her to change solicitors - she did that, and went to CAB, and they have told her the same thing. Her ex took her payslips into the CAB and did a 'benefit check' for her, gave her a piece of paper that said 'you should be getting this, you do not need my money'. !!!!!!!! This cannot be right surely? The dad should be paying for his children (he is in a good job, when she is not there will bring his girlfriend to the house and sleep in her bed). He also lets himself in and sleeps in her bed when she is working or away at her mums.

The thread is here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2918002

I do not know what else to advise her but surely all of this cannot be right, that the CAB and solicitors would tell her to sell the house and go on the council waiting list? Please can someone offer this lady some light at the end of the tunnel as I am out of suggestions, I think she is getting more and more depressed over the situation and can see no light.

I thought more people with more experience might see it here as I (think) it is on the CSA board and would not get as many views, I found it while browsing. As you do. Thanks for reading.

[Deleted User]

Hi, I don't really KNOW this is just my thoughts, I would of thought that if the mortgage is in both names then unless she can buy him out then they are both liable for paying it but if he refuses to give her any money then there is not much I would think she can do. I would of thought that the advice from CAB and Solicitor about selling the house is probably the right advice as at the end of the day although I sympathise I don't think he would be forced by anyone eg. court to pay the mortgage on a house he is not living in regardless of his children live there or not as obviousley he has to be left to pay for living somewhere himself and to be expected to pay 2 lots of mortgage/rent and bills and CSA(even thought he is not paying this at the moment) is quite a lot to of money yo have to find from an average wage, maybe she would be better off selling taking her cut(if there is any) and renting...she may be entitled to some help with her rent?? Totally agree he should be paying for his children and am a bit confused at how he is calling the CSA and saying he has paid her £x amount and they are taking it off what he owes, my OH had backpay added on to his CSA assessment a couple of years back and he had genuinley been paying his ex money in cash every month as an agreement between them instead of CSA and when he informed them of this to take the back pay off they said that his ex had to tell them herself as they could not just take his word for it? Also how long has this been going on with the CSA? has she spoken to them herself about not receiving payment? Not sure how long they let you not pay for as my OH has always paid on time, I thought they could apply to take the money directly from his wage through his employer...maybe something she should enquire about?? As for letting himself into the house when she isn't there and bringing the girlfriend round I would change the locks as this is absolutley ridiculous, he can't expect to not pay to the house but treat is as though he owns it and certainly not bring his new gf round!! Can her employer not give her 1 extra hr a week so that she can qualify for wtc etc? Hope she manages to get things sorted.

podperson

I would think the reason that CAB and the solicitors are telling her to sell the house is that it is in joint names. Since he is no longer living there the options would be:
Her buying him out and still living there - doesn't sound like she can afford to do this
Him buying her out and either living there or renting/selling it - doesn't sound like he wants to do this
Selling the house and splitting any equity (positive or negative!) between them

While it sounds like he has been a jerk towards her then whatever the circumstances of the break-up then unfortunately no one is going to pay for half of a property they don't live in anymore on a long term basis.

The other issues are completely different - he obviously shouldn't be going into her house - how has he even got a key?? she needs to take it off him and if he won't give it her get the locks changed. To be honest I would think this would be a good reason for getting rid of the house - sounds like he thinks that because he pays something towards it it gives him the right to come and go as he pleases.
Regarding work - as mentioned above is there any chance of her getting an extra hour at work as this would make her eligible for WTC again. Or could she get another part time job for a few hours a week? If she moves into rented accomodation she should be able to get HB/CTB at least.
Think she also really needs to call CSA herself and not accept that what he is telling her is true. Also she has no idea what kind of things he may be telling them!

RAS

podperson wrote: »

The other issues are completely different - he obviously shouldn't be going into her house - how has he even got a key?? she needs to take it off him and if he won't give it her get the locks changed. To be honest I would think this would be a good reason for getting rid of the house - sounds like he thinks that because he pays something towards it it gives him the right to come and go as he pleases. !

Since he is a joint tenant (the house is in joint names) legally he can come and go in the house any time he likes and she cannot lock him out. Unless she can get a restraining order.

podperson wrote: »

Regarding work - as mentioned above is there any chance of her getting an extra hour at work as this would make her eligible for WTC again. Or could she get another part time job for a few hours a week? If she moves into rented accomodation she should be able to get HB/CTB at least.!

She might temporarily be better off noot working at all, but that needs exploring separately.

podperson wrote: »

Think she also really needs to call CSA herself and not accept that what he is telling her is true. Also she has no idea what kind of things he may be telling them!

This is a red herring. She needs to post ont eh CHild Support forum rather than here.

blue_monkey_2

Thanks for the replies and taking time to read.

The reason I do not understand why she is seling the house as my mum was in the same situation with my dad.

He paid nothing for the kids (I was over 16 by then so not included) but she stayed in the house, my mother saw a solicitor and and was able to reply at a lower amount until her circumstances improved and then she sytarted paying the debt. Dad was always responsible for the finances and he upped and left and just stopped paying. Mum did not know. But she managed to get my dads half of the house off him although he paid nothing.

There were some inclusions tied into the 'agreement' such as my mum being not allowed to remarry or move anyone into the house until my sister was 18 - she was 6 (he was free to of course.... and did a few years later) else the agreement was cancelled and he would get his share back.

He too was an a rse but my mum got all the house from him and was paying a small amount to the bank each month and when circumstances improved paid the mortgage and a bit more to pay the arrears back. Dads name was still on the property despite him paying nothing and having the agreement, until my sister was 18, however he was not allowed to come and go as he pleased, he was out and if he wanted to come in he had to use the doorbell like other visitors.

He never though mum would have the balls to take his name off but she did - he did not make it easy - but she got what she was owed in the end.

Why are things any different in this case? Surely a decent solicotor would be helping her keep a roof over her heads? Have times changed that much?

blue_monkey_2

RAS wrote: »

Since he is a joint tenant (the house is in joint names) legally he can come and go in the house any time he likes and she cannot lock him out. Unless she can get a restraining order.

See above, mum was in the same situation and the solicitors had agreements drawn up and he was NOT allowed to come and go even though his name was on the mortgage. There was a huge amount of arrears also, mum was due to be kicked out with my siblings but an agreement was drawn up. Why is this case different?

marcowil

I could be wrong but I would have thought, given that they have young children, no court is going to force a move.
She needs to go and see a solicitor who knows all about family law/divorce

blue_monkey_2

marcowil wrote: »

I could be wrong but I would have thought, given that they have young children, no court is going to force a move.
She needs to go and see a solicitor who knows all about family law/divorce

She has. And is being advised the same thing. Sell the house and go on the 'free council list'.

This is why I am confused, when our LL was selling up and we could not afford to rent we had to go to the council and the first thing we was told was that if you made yourself homeless (ie. by not paying the rent or by selling your property or having it repossessed) the council had NO obligation to house you. Even if you had children. Has this changed? It was only a couple of years ago.

Likewise, if she leaves the house and rents somewhere, she will not get LHA as she has interest in a propertly elsewhere.

Pee

I think the difference is that years ago the couple would have been married - I am not sure if this couple are - and the house would be under some order not to be sold until the children got to 18 or similiar. The mother would have been responsible for paying the mortgage, but it would be in both names - meaning he wouldn't be able to buy another house.

Those were in the days where one income could pay a mortgage, which is clearly not the case here. There may not be much equity in the house.

Now the emphasis is on the CSA.

The CAB and a solicitor are the best sources of advice here, as they can look into all of the facts and advise her accordingly. I think she should be looking at what benefits she is entitled to for herself, too.

No doubt her ex will have new children with the new woman soon and his income will not be enough to provide for everyone.

anguk

As I understand it (I may be wrong) if they both jointly own the house he is perfectly entitled to come and go as he pleases, in fact I think if he wanted he could even move back in! Either he is going to have to buy her out, she buys him out or they sell the house and split the equity. One thing to think about is if he refuses to pay his half of the mortgage won't that be a default against them both?

The CSA is a different matter and she needs to be ringing them to chase payments.

podperson

blue_monkey wrote: »

Likewise, if she leaves the house and rents somewhere, she will not get LHA as she has interest in a propertly elsewhere.

It depends on the equity in the house. I was stuck with a house with negative equity that I was still trying to sell while I was renting elsewhere (very long and complicated story so won't bore you!) and because there was no substantial equity in the other property I was still entitled to LHA based on my income.