Advice needed, please. DV, housing and benefits. Anyone had help from Womens Aid?

RAS

In what year did you parents marriage break down. The law may have changed since then.

The benefiots ruels and the situation regarding mortgages certainly has changed.

blue_monkey wrote: »

Thanks for the replies and taking time to read.

The reason I do not understand why she is seling the house as my mum was in the same situation with my dad.

He paid nothing for the kids (I was over 16 by then so not included) but she stayed in the house, my mother saw a solicitor and and was able to reply at a lower amount until her circumstances improved and then she sytarted paying the debt. Dad was always responsible for the finances and he upped and left and just stopped paying. Mum did not know. But she managed to get my dads half of the house off him although he paid nothing.

There were some inclusions tied into the 'agreement' such as my mum being not allowed to remarry or move anyone into the house until my sister was 18 - she was 6 (he was free to of course.... and did a few years later) else the agreement was cancelled and he would get his share back.

He too was an a rse but my mum got all the house from him and was paying a small amount to the bank each month and when circumstances improved paid the mortgage and a bit more to pay the arrears back. Dads name was still on the property despite him paying nothing and having the agreement, until my sister was 18, however he was not allowed to come and go as he pleased, he was out and if he wanted to come in he had to use the doorbell like other visitors.

He never though mum would have the balls to take his name off but she did - he did not make it easy - but she got what she was owed in the end.

Why are things any different in this case? Surely a decent solicotor would be helping her keep a roof over her heads? Have times changed that much?

The other slight problem, we have is that demir seems to believe the crap her husband says more than what people say on here. And it is not always easy to get the required information from her.

It may well be that the advice she has been given reflects the information she has provided the CAB and solicitor and there are other factors that may be relevent that she has not explained.

I would normally suggest that she sits tight, tries to get a restraining order and waits until the divorce settlement but she needs someone who will fight her corner.

Britwife

If she rents a place, she should be able to get some housing benefits till she gets back on her feet. I feel in light of how this guy treats her and how he really feels about his children that the best option would be to move and leave the past behind you. Mainly for your sanity and your kids. It will be tough at first but there are alot of single parents out there surviving.

I would adivise her to keep a log book of money when paid to her and I would get to the bottom of his payments. He really needs a good talking to about his children and that he won't get a second chance to and this will always be what they remember. It's really sad.

demir2424

I don't listen to my husband, I have consulted 2 solicitors and my local housing office and my local CAB. All 4 have advised me to sell the house and put my name on a free housing list, which would work if my ex husband would agree to the sale, but he wants me off the mortgage and wants his house.
His other compromise is that me and the kids stay here - which we can't really afford until I get my work sorted out, he will pay the full mortgage until my youngest is 18 but maintenance payments will be cancelled. I am now thinking is this my best option as CAB and my local housing office and tax credits seem to offer no help.
The problem would still be that him and his girlfriend can come and go whenever they please in our home.

blue_monkey_2

Thanks for clarifying demir, I did not realise your ex-husband (are you actually divorced yet) did not want to sell, I assumed he did.

Hope you did not think I was being too nosy, I was just trying to get you some more help other than what we have suggested. Hope you are not offended.

demir2424

No thank you for everything blue monkey - I still have these cards here to post to you I will get them posted today.
I just feel completely stuck at the moment and nothing positive to look forward to.
I also feel like a useless mother being put under direct care of my health visitor - again she is a work colleague, so a bit uncomfortable that she has to visit every week and I need to keep a diary for each child and then we spend 2 hours a week doing the good parenting course.
I don't need all this what with trying to sort divorce, childcare, employment, housing, budgeting, nvq coursework, caring for my elderly neighbour, re-potty training for the 3rd time etc.

blue_monkey_2

I know D and do not worry about the cards, they'll still be there tomorrow it is fine, not offended by that in the slightest and did not give it a 2nd thought. I was just worried how you are coping as you seem really down today. I just wanted to get you some more help, to see if there is any more light at the end of that tunnel.

Have you thought about leaving work for a bit? Do you think it'll be hard to get back into if you left and then changed doctors too so that you did not know them. What is the NVQ for, is it tied to your job?

demir2424

It would be difficult to get back into work again and yes I agreed before I knew I was pregnant with my youngest to train to be a health care assistant doing bloods, bp checks, new patient health checks, ecg's etc.
So I start next month doing bloods and bp's I need to complete my nvq to do the other bits of the job. I also volunteered to be my neighbour's carer as his family live in london - he is 92 and on his own recovering from his 3rd heart attack - it's only a few hours a week cleaning, washing and shopping for him, but it's my only respite at the moment.
So much to do, so little time x

*Robin*

demir2424 wrote: »

I don't listen to my husband, I have consulted 2 solicitors and my local housing office and my local CAB. All 4 have advised me to sell the house and put my name on a free housing list, which would work if my ex husband would agree to the sale, but he wants me off the mortgage and wants his house.
His other compromise is that me and the kids stay here - which we can't really afford until I get my work sorted out, he will pay the full mortgage until my youngest is 18 but maintenance payments will be cancelled. I am now thinking is this my best option as CAB and my local housing office and tax credits seem to offer no help.
The problem would still be that him and his girlfriend can come and go whenever they please in our home.

Hi Demir, I put a reply on your other thread as well. Now slightly outdated by your comment above.
So your ex- is willing to cover the full mortgage payments on the house for the next 17 years? ..Well I'd say that's a good starting place for negotiation. You can work out the ££ that represents to you, and it would remove one large cost from your budget. However, it would be your home so he should not have the key to come and go as he pleases - but like a landlord, he should be able to visit by arrangement. As you are trying to keep the situation amicable for the sake of your children I would expect him to visit frequently to see them anyway.
Didn't I read earlier that he also wants to remove your name from the deeds / mortgage? ..And is he offering a cash payment in exchange? Hmm.

In your position I'd get the calculator out. And definitely find out whether you could have a lodger if you stay in the house.
How do you feel about the thought of your ex- effectively being your landlord for the foreseeable future? ..It could work - if you decide you want it to.

I wonder if your divorce has been through the courts yet? If not you are in a much stronger negotiating position.

Js_Other_Half

If you can't get your employer to up your hours to 16 per week, could you look at doing Avon/Betterware/Kleeneze for an hour a week? Paperwork counts towards it, as well as any actual delivery of catalogues, goods, etc. In fact could a friend/relative host a party every month for 4 hours?

demir2424

In reply to robin my ex would never let me have a lodger - male or female.