Getting to know eachother.

meritaten

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

This is exactly the relationship i have gotten out of months ago with another man. Which is why im the way i am. Everything was a fight for my independance, whether it be just going out with my friends or not wanting to do something he did. It ended because when he didnt get his way he ended the relationship. So i ended it permanently. Thats why i need space to do my own thing and if push comes to shove im going to end this new relationship. At the moment ive calmed down and will explain when i see him that if all this neediness and demanding of my time continues i will end it because im not having a relationship where im telling him constantly how i feel and hes blatently ignoring it.

I am in a bit of a quandary here IDIFM. I read some loneliness in your posts and you really enjoy this mans company - its the constant txts etc which is putting you off. (it would me too). and I think if he promised to back off and kept his promise you would continue seeing him. and that is entirely your decision and your prerogative.

But, from what you have said about him in your posts - I am not worried exactly - but uneasy! go carefully hun, 3 months is not a long time to get to know and understand a person. A conversation about backing off and giving you space may be better taking place over a quiet drink or meal out, in a public place. IYSWIM?

good luck and do let us know how things are going.

[Deleted User]

I do agree, i do like his company, its just the constant txts of me apparently not wanting to be with him or telling him i need him or want him. I spoke to a friend today and she said she needs constant reassurance from her husband thats she wanted by him. I said i felt that strange as im a very confident person and could easily walk into a room full of people i dont know and talk to anyone. She said its his lack of confidence in the relationship and because im not the sort of persons whos lovey dovey (in other words i dont need to know someone wants me around because if they didnt they wouldnt be with me). Sounds obvious to me but not to people who are a bit insecure and need reassurance And shes in her 50s. Ive got to ask him why he feels like this because insecurities come from within and im not making him feel this way, this is coming from himself. He has backed off in the last 24hours and hasnt txt me so much and in his own words he said Ile leave you be, just txt if you want to. So hes got the message. We have a meeting together anyway with mutual friends so before weve had a few drinks i will sit him down when we are there before everyone gets there and i will talk. Also im not a demonstrative (sp!) person, in other words i dont need hugs and kisses, never have never will.

meritaten

Good! I totally get where you are coming from. loving is as loving does! fine words mean nothing to you (or me) its how a person shows they love you that tells you the most.
I do hope this works out for you - just be careful hun. find out a bit more about him if you can (his past relationship history I mean). I do wish you well though.

puppypants

Why not be that strong independant woman you say you are? I don't understand how some women think they have to have a man in their lives to be complete. My daughter was the same, never out of a relationship since the age of 14. She would be the one working hard at the relationships in the end. (She's 40 this year.)
Never really having the feeling of being her own person. (My daughter is an inspiration to so many people in a lot of ways. I personally would like her to try living her life for herself and not for someone else.

[Deleted User]

Meritaten you a perfectly right. A man can promise to take you to the moon and back but if he doesnt treat you right then hey ile go to the moon on my own lol.Puppypants I can live my life without a man, ive been on my own on and off all my life. Thats the problem im never lonely, always busy and theres not enough hours in the day to fit everyone into my life. Sometimes i have to put off a friend so i can see another. Same goes for my new boyfriend. I love my life but i also need time to myself to relax and unwind. But to him its coming across as i dont need him. I was buzy Tuesday, Wednesday and last night but tonight we will be together which will give me time to say what i have to say. In the end lifes for living and my life is the way i want it to be with or without him. Just be nice if he could come along for the journey.