Getting to know eachother.

[Deleted User]

Trouble is if he did it backfired badly as i dont play games. I think the comment Sambucus Nigra made may have hit the nail on the head. I have got other interest other than him and my life hasnt changed because im with him (in a long term relationship of course things naturally progress if its working). But my life is still the same with him or without him.

meritaten

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I dont think im finding excuses for him (i certainly hope i havnt come across like that). Its a relatively new relationship but its being spoilt IMO by him txting things that he has. Im the sort of person that doesnt always need anyone around, im very secure in myself neither do i rely on anyone for anything. If im feeling down i call a friend or treat myself but i certainly wouldnt have txt or said what he said in a strop previously. Its almost as if he want me to reassure him constantly but im not that sort of person. Ile end up saying GET A GRIP or something of that nature because thats just me. I get on with things and very rarely feel sorry for myself. Infact it was my friend that said that i looked unhappy today, but im not unhappy in myself, just with the way things are going.

sorry hun - but you ARE coming across as making excuses for him! please re-read your posts or ask a friend who knows you well to read them.
You say you would end up saying 'get a grip' - yet you havent? why havent you told him that? you feel sorry for him? he obviously has your sympathy, you are a nice person and may well be thinking you both have failed relationships behind you. and you are cutting him some slack because of that.
obviously when you are together you enjoy his company, he is charming, makes you laugh etc. but what you say about his text messages - his change from 'I need my space' to crowding yours - in fact most of what you have said about him, that actually scares me. and this is within three months?
I sincerely hope that I am wrong about this man - because you are going to stick with it cos you are convinced you can handle him.
I hope you are right.

[Deleted User]

I suppose its difficult for me to see im making excuses. I havnt told him to get a grip yet because i havnt seen him. Im going to have to see him again because of a committment weve got to a friend of ours. Im going to have to have a serious talk arnt i. Trouble is i am a nice person and i hate hurting anyones feelings. But i need to put myself first and i do need time for my own life.

meritaten

hun, he KNOWS this about you! he is playing mind games in my opinion. how can you go from setting boundaries of 'I must have my own space' to constantly texting you with pleas for love in three months? not mature adults! be very careful with this man. I AM concerned about you - please think hard about how your relationship progresses. All these txt messages - its not normal in a mature relationship and you are feeling pressured. I think? just be careful hun. it seems to me he may be more 'involved' than you would like?

BARGAINHUNTER!

Could it be that having spent a period of time together (christmas etc) that he has realised that he actually wants more than he first let on, and is now scared that you will leave him? In any healthy relationship you need time apart, your own interests and friends etc. Maybe you should sit him down and find out where this sudden insecurity and neediness has come from. Perhaps he is thinking that you relationship should have moved on by now and with you being so independant is worried that you will go off and meet someone else?

[Deleted User]

HE keeps saying that hes scared ile end it. And ive said whether im indepandant or not a relationship will work if its meant to. But it wont if someone pushes you all the time and i feel that way and also Meritaten Your not the only one that has said that hes more involved than i want him to be. To be honest i want him to back off a bit and hes txt me tonight just to say Goodnite Luv You and i txt back saying Goodnight and just left it. He is getting too heavy and i really dont know how to handle it. I dont want to be his life, i dont want him to be mine either, i want a life of four quarters, one with a man, one with friends, one with family and finally a quarter for me. The men ive met just dont understand that its not all about them. I getting worried now, how do i cool things in a nice way.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Bin him.

He's the male equivalent of a bunny boiler.

Sambucus_Nigra

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I getting worried now, how do i cool things in a nice way.

All sorts of ways - but the main one is to let him know that this just isn't working for you.

You could paraphrase your last post to read as a note to him and tell him straight. Just make sure that he doesn't promise to back off and try another way to get his own way.

podperson

It sounds like this guy is very needy and insecure and any relationship with him is going to require you giving him constant attention and reassurance. Not surprisingly you're finding this smothering - you have told him you aren't happy with the way he is acting and that you need some space and either hasn't listened or has ignored you.
At the end of the day you have only been in this relationship for 3 months - if he's like this now what would he be like in 6 months or a year? Wanting to know everything you're doing, everywhere you're going, everyone you're seeing? I'm not saying he's doing this on purpose to be controlling - maybe he has just had bad experiences in the past - but the bottom line is that he seems to want a serious relationship where your lives basically revolve around each other - and it sounds like you would be unhappy in something like that at the moment. I appreciate you don't want to hurt his feelings but if things aren't going to work out it's always best to get out sooner rather then later and keep people hanging on.

[Deleted User]

This is exactly the relationship i have gotten out of months ago with another man. Which is why im the way i am. Everything was a fight for my independance, whether it be just going out with my friends or not wanting to do something he did. It ended because when he didnt get his way he ended the relationship. So i ended it permanently. Thats why i need space to do my own thing and if push comes to shove im going to end this new relationship. At the moment ive calmed down and will explain when i see him that if all this neediness and demanding of my time continues i will end it because im not having a relationship where im telling him constantly how i feel and hes blatently ignoring it.