Getting to know eachother.

boogiequeenie

I disagree. I would not say run. I have been in a similar position when I met my (now) husband.

At the beginning he would rant about equality on men & women; how he wanted a strong, independant woman; how he liked me finanically independant.
Fast forward nearly 2 years. I lost my job a week before Xmas. With all his ranting he loves the fact that I am at home being the home maker. He calls/texts me 3-4 times a day.

In short.. he's insecure. His ex-wife did a nice job on him.

My point? I think your OH is just insecure. I know that my DH says one thing and does another.
I wouldnt give up.

aliasojo

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I know everyone says RUN but maybe this is what hes used to and im just not.

He's in his 40's, he's not some young lad learning what relationships are all about. He's just 'that' type by the sounds of him, you'll always be playing slave to his emotions.

Have you talked to him about this yet? If not, why not? Scared he'll sulk?

[Deleted User]

LOL thats very good. A friend of mine said im gonna have a fight on my hands with this relationship and thats not what its about. If i do continue with it and give it a try im going to stand my ground regardless of the way he wants it to go. Im not a needy person and i dont find it flattering to have a man saying im his life. I just think GET A LIFE. :rotfl:Im beginning to get a bit worried that im all he needs, wants and to be honest thats a bit spooky. Like i said YES i have spoke to him on numerous occassions but its all going in circles (in one ear and out the other). Well i think you hit the nail on the head boogiequeenie. He loves me because im independant, can take care of myself and dont need a mans money. Maybe i scare him a bit because all the other women in his life have needed him and therefore maybe succumb to his ways because they are needy. Could be a reason for his insecurity.

barbiedoll

It sounds a bit weird when you consider that to start with, he was adamant that you shouldn't make too many demands on his time. And yet now, he's suddenly gone all needy and clinging?
Are you sure that he wasn't seeing someone else when you first met him? And maybe she has dumped him, which is why he's latching onto you and wanting the constant attention.
Just a thought! :eek:

go_cat

NEEDY .... Needy ....Needy!!!!!

You will face a life of constant reassurance escape now!

cattyboo

Ooooh dear! :eek: Not healthy. At all. Get yourself a good pair of running shoes and make a dash for it, not worth it. I've dealt with this sort of whiney neurotic needy bloke before and I'm so much better off free of all that nonsense. You deserve someone better (and a proper grown up!). Break ups are hard though even when there are a million and one reasons to do it staring you in the face you don't always see them (or don't want to).

C xx

pupsicola

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I just started a new fanstastic relationship (or so i thought!). At first he laid a few ground rules down, so ok not a great start but one of them was dont demand too much of his time. Which ok, sounded a bit strangeto me but i thought maybe hes had other relationships where hes been nagged or hes got a genuinely busy life. We are both in our 40s so i do understand the demands of life and other interests. Anyway fast forward 3months and hes now putting demands on me. Hes saying seeing me 2 or 3 times a week isnt enough, txting me saying he doesnt think i want this relationship or asking me to txt him telling him i love him and need him!!! Good God were not children. And to be honest its really getting me down. Ive had these sort of txts for about 6weeks on and off, culminating in him walking out one night in a strop because he didnt think i wanted him around. Its wearing me down to the point where i feel guilty if i want time to myself and have had to lie to spare his feelings because i dont want to see him so ive gone and done something just so he knows im busy. I do live on my own but i love it and im so busy with life that i was sort of pleased (although taken aback) when he said dont make demands on him. I thought thats good because im either busy with friends, family, work and i like my space. Sorry for the rant. Im getting the impression he thinks a relationship should be that were all over eachother and see eachother a lot. Is needing space such a bad thing because his feeling are if you love someone you want to be with them always. Hes even mentioned moving in together in the future and marriage already. Its scaring me off. Sorry for long post just had to let it all out.

He sounds a bit full on and overly dependant on you to meet his every need. More like a love-sick teen than a man in his 40s. Usually by that stage people have a circle of friends they mix with, family, work commitments and a home to run. They need their own space. Why is it that he doesn't?

You dont come across as being too happy in this relationship and I can understand why. I would find being in a relationship with someone like that very claustrophobic. Wish you luck with whatever you decide to do next.

meritaten

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

LOL thats very good. A friend of mine said im gonna have a fight on my hands with this relationship and thats not what its about. If i do continue with it and give it a try im going to stand my ground regardless of the way he wants it to go. Im not a needy person and i dont find it flattering to have a man saying im his life. I just think GET A LIFE. :rotfl:Im beginning to get a bit worried that im all he needs, wants and to be honest thats a bit spooky. Like i said YES i have spoke to him on numerous occassions but its all going in circles (in one ear and out the other). Well i think you hit the nail on the head boogiequeenie. He loves me because im independant, can take care of myself and dont need a mans money. Maybe i scare him a bit because all the other women in his life have needed him and therefore maybe succumb to his ways because they are needy. Could be a reason for his insecurity.

and you KNOW this how? do you know the previous women in his life? or are you taking as gospel what he has told you?

yes hun, there will be a reason for the way he behaves - it COULD be insecurity or it could be he is a control freak and this is how he exerts control. its couched as love but is very very invidious. as soon as you succumb and behave the way he wants he will distance himself and remind you that HE said at the begining 'I need my space'! he will become even more distant and in his mind you will then become just another needy woman who does his head in!

You are a strong minded, independant, woman - yet from your posts you are doubting yourself, going round in circles, finding excuses for him................starting to sound familiar hun? he is certainly succeeding in getting you exactly where he wants you! a few months ago my bet is that you would have severed the relationship without a second thought - now you are posting on here dithering about it!

I would be having a little chat with one of his exes (if I could find her) and finding out her view of the relationship. you may even find the reason his relationships break down is that he goes for strong women - and then pulls this act and turns them into women he despises.

If this guy is what I think he is - any relationship is doomed because he is incapable of sustaining one. Its not you, or your personality or anything else. this guy sounds like he is wired wrong.

I rarely advocate ending a relationship if I think it could be saved, but, your description of this man quite honestly makes me very, very uneasy.

[Deleted User]

I dont think im finding excuses for him (i certainly hope i havnt come across like that). Its a relatively new relationship but its being spoilt IMO by him txting things that he has. Im the sort of person that doesnt always need anyone around, im very secure in myself neither do i rely on anyone for anything. If im feeling down i call a friend or treat myself but i certainly wouldnt have txt or said what he said in a strop previously. Its almost as if he want me to reassure him constantly but im not that sort of person. Ile end up saying GET A GRIP or something of that nature because thats just me. I get on with things and very rarely feel sorry for myself. Infact it was my friend that said that i looked unhappy today, but im not unhappy in myself, just with the way things are going.

Sambucus_Nigra

I think the original 'don't demand too much of my time' was him trying to test you to see if you would demand too much [ie leave me alone woman, I'm far too busy yada yada yada]; and when you didn't it's flumoxed him and he's gone the other way thinking that if you won't play the game, he has to try and get you another way.

ie - he doesn't like the fact that you have other interests apart from him.