Extremely lonely....

hayleyholly

podperson wrote: »

Regarding joining a group, what kind of things are you interested in or think you might like to try? For example I read a lot which is really antisocial so am looking at some book groups and trying some creative writing. Am also looking at some dance/fitness classes which could be good for you as it's proven that exercise can help with depression, plus gets you meeting people. Have a look on the net, in the local paper, library, etc for things in your area. Like you said it is hard but hopefully will be worth it x

I absolutely love dancing, well street dancing(hip hop etc etc) its just finding the confidence to go. So that may be somehting I need to look into. I seem to spend all my life on the internet at the minut, and o I need to step away from that. Have you looked into joining a boook group or something like that? xxx

hayleyholly

Teenie_D wrote: »

I did sweetie at that point it was as simple a thyroid problem, but because it had gone on for so long without the proper meds I was getting to the point where I wasn't functioning very well depression wasn't really mentioned at this point (it is a factor in the illness though if not treated) but I'm sure this was the start of it for me. I'm not suggesting this is what you have though.

I still go through the occasional times where the depression comes back but it's getting to recognise it and "nipping it in the bud" which can be really hard to do. The last time I was really bad was when my DD was 10 months old and I was the same as you are, very angry with everyone, didn't want to socialise thought my DD and Dh would be much better without me and I knew what I was saying to people, especially my Dh was awful but the words and anger would just fall out of my mouth I had completely lost my sparkle again but couldn't find the words, confidence to say to people there is something not right here.

I went to the doc about something completely unrelated and when she asked me how I was everything came out and I admitted then that I couldn't carry on like this. It honestly was the best thing I did so good on you for making that step, it's just a shame you have to wait so long for an appt but if things get worse keep phoning to see if you can get one sooner.

Good luck x

I hope that going to the doctors will be the right thing for me, it might have been a certain point that I hit an all time low, I don't know. I fell out with my parents at 16, over something that I am not proud of at all, but it happened, and they have finally forgiven me for it now (I am 22). I also have had some other stuff happen with an ex, and that really brought me down. I think getting things out in the open will really help though. As I have been feeling likethis for a while.
Really strange but the best friend of 8 years text me shortly after writing this, which makes me think she knows me better than I know myself, haha!

Thank you for all your advice, good to know that I am not alone on thnis one

Thanks xxx

pupsicola

hayleyholly wrote: »

My last partner kept me locked away from the rest of the world, he was abusive, and didn't like me to go anywhere or see anyone, and since him I have lost everyone that I have ever cared for.

I used to be the life and soul of a party, now I don't even go out anywhere, it's as if I have locked myself out of everyones lives, and there is no way to get back in.

In my opinion these two parts of your post explain why you are having trouble forming friendships and feeling able to get on with people. You dont go into detail about the abuse you suffered. It is a horrific experience to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. It undermines you and makes you feel very vulnerable. Things people take for granted like being able to trust their own judgement and know they are loved and valued have been stripped from you. People can often be left feeling they have lost their identity. You have to know and like yourself to be able to open up and let other people in to like you.

I left an abusive relationship a few years back and its only thanks to alot of counselling that I rebuilt my life. Maybe that could help you. It seems you have alot of unresolved issues to come to terms with and deal with.

You deserve to be happy. Decide that your lost partner was out of order for treating you so badly, but that what he did cannot effect the rest of your life. Take control and work towards a happier future for yourself.

I also went on a self esteem and assertiveness course and that really helped me. Speak with your gp and take all the help they can offer.

hayleyholly

pupsicola wrote: »

In my opinion these two parts of your post explain why you are having trouble forming friendships and feeling able to get on with people. You dont go into detail about the abuse you suffered. It is a horrific experience to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. It undermines you and makes you feel very vulnerable. Things people take for granted like being able to trust their own judgement and know they are loved and valued have been stripped from you. People can often be left feeling they have lost their identity. You have to know and like yourself to be able to open up and let other people in to like you.

I left an abusive relationship a few years back and its only thanks to alot of counselling that I rebuilt my life. Maybe that could help you. It seems you have alot of unresolved issues to come to terms with and deal with.

You deserve to be happy. Decide that your lost partner was out of order for treating you so badly, but that what he did cannot effect the rest of your life. Take control and work towards a happier future for yourself.

I also went on a self esteem and assertiveness course and that really helped me. Speak with your gp and take all the help they can offer.

Hello,

I don't really like to talk about the past and how it had affected me, as it not only affected me, but my family as well. They didn't see the extent that the guy went to but saw the bruises etc, and were the ones who asked me to leave him. Up until that point I would have stayed. He blamed the whole lot on me, everything was always my fault, and he was never in the wrong. He made me feel like sh*t, he made me so paranoid and self-concious, and I had never been like that before I left him.

There were other things, like the unfaithfullness in the relationship (on his part) and other bits that have left me feeling this way. In the end, I walked, and I never looked back. I was just an emotional wreck, but I seemed to have got better, until now. I do not solely blame how I am feeling on him, there are alot of factors as to why I feel so down, but he did have a big input.

I will speak to gp on Wednesday, and post on here with their advice.

Thank you for your post.

Hayley
xx

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

hayleyholly wrote: »

Hello,

I don't really know what to write here, but I will have a good go.

I don't seem to be able to get on with people, no matter how much of an effort they make, I keep myself distanced, and don't make an effort with anyone. I recently fell out with my best friend of eight years, and now I don't seem to have anyone to confide in and talk to when I need someone the most. I seem to have locked myself away from the rest of the world, and really I feel like I am stuck in a rut, and I can't get out of it.
I cannot seem to make friends, infact I have no friends, I will not ven try to kid myself on that one. Nobody seems to like me, and I feel so, so, so, lonely. I have my boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half, he is my life, and if I lost him, I really would have noone at all.
My last partner kept me locked away from the rest of the world, he was abusive, and didn't like me to go anywhere or see anyone, and since him I have lost everyone that I have ever cared for.
I don't know if I am depressed, or if I am just in need of a friend, but my world just seems so sh*tty at the moment.
I work on a four on four off basis, rotating shifts, with my partner working Monday to Fridays, I don't drive, and I am constantly left at home with no means of transport (not that I would have anywhere to go if I tried). I sit myself away in the bedroom, as we share a flat with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend, and I don;t feel like I can face anyone.
This sounds so ridiculous, I know, but I don't seem to be able to be nice to people, infact I am horrible. I am always snapping, and I don't mean to do it at all, I am a nice person deep down, I just can't seem to bring that to the surface.
I used to be the life and soul of a party, now I don't even go out anywhere, it's as if I have locked myself out of everyones lives, and there is no way to get back in.
Is there anyway of making friends? I can't seem to find a way.
My fella has three sisters, all lovely girls, and I can't seem to get on really well with them either, when I really would love to.
I think the main problem is my job. I work as a stock controller within a large haulage company, and all the people I work with are males. I am scared I will lose my job, because of my obvious attitude problem, and lack of social interaction skills.
I don't know where things have gone wrong for me, but I would like someone's advice please, as all I seem to do at the minute is cry, and feel sorry for myself. And I would like that to change.
I don't know if re-locating is the best option to go for? To move away and try and strat a fresh away from everyone here?

Please help... I don't know how to stop being such a loner, and make new friends, I am only young, but I need to get my life sorted.

I am grateful to anyone who reads this, I know it sounds so stupid, but there is alot more that has happened that I cannot put into words.

Thank you for your time.

Hayley

Hi Hayley (hugs), I know exactly how you feel.

I've never really gotten on with people although i've had relationships the families have never likes me which really upsets me.

My family even struggle to get on with me & I feel that they only put up with me because they have to.

I'm sure you are a lovely person but maybe you are just socially awkward like me.

I found out when I was 33 that I had asperger's syndrome (a form of higher functioning autism) which although has helped me understand why I have problems connecting to people hasn't really helped me confidence wise.

I feel so lonely everyday as apart from my 3 kids I don't see or speak to a soul (other than on here of course).

I can't work atm due to depression/anxiety which has probably made the whole situation worse.

If you ever need someone to chat to just let me know. :A

Counting_Pennies_2

I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I wanted to say firstly running away to start again won't help until you sort out how you feel and change how you interact with people.

Firstly you need to understand why you are feeling as you are.

You say you were the life and soul of the party, when did that stop, was that when you were with your last partner?

Do you have a lot of hurt and anguish, are you struggling to come to terms with the fact someone you loved was rotten to you. Maybe you are putting up a barrier to stop being hurt again, but in doing so you are hurting yourself more.

I wonder if you have a lot of pent up resentment about what has happened, and can't get out of the trap of raging silently against the world and as such the nice side of you is hidden beneath the mood.

It sounds like you need to get out more, on your days off to find a fitness class you can dip in and out of, or go swimming, or out for a walk. Find time for yourself, and enjoy spending time with your OH when you are both on a day off together. Force yourself to enjoy things, and eventually enjoyment will come.

Sitting inside will only cause more low mood.

Have you had counselling since your previous relationship? I wonder if it might be worth speaking with your GP and asking for a referral.

Sorry to be so brief, got to run but wanted to say I am thinking of you

ticklepenny_2

I just wanted to post to say that you sound lovely, and that it seems that your past experiences may have left more of a mark than you realise. Well done for posting here, and going to see your Dr. Now that you have sussed out that you are unhappy and are seeking help everything should start to get better from here on in This may just turn out to be a very good year.

Also on the making friends front definitely try joining a dance group, even if you start to go just to get out and about, and have some fun - you dont know who you may just meet a great group of friends. I moved here 3 years ago then had DD but didnt have any friends other than the ones who liked to party so bump and baby groups helped me find a great group of mums that I see on a regular basis. I will say that I didnt get on with everyone there, but I dont expect to as I am a bit of a strange one (according to family and friends).

Basically what I am trying to say is that you are completely normal and well done for taking the first steps.

hayleyholly

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I wanted to say firstly running away to start again won't help until you sort out how you feel and change how you interact with people.

Firstly you need to understand why you are feeling as you are.

You say you were the life and soul of the party, when did that stop, was that when you were with your last partner?

Do you have a lot of hurt and anguish, are you struggling to come to terms with the fact someone you loved was rotten to you. Maybe you are putting up a barrier to stop being hurt again, but in doing so you are hurting yourself more.

I wonder if you have a lot of pent up resentment about what has happened, and can't get out of the trap of raging silently against the world and as such the nice side of you is hidden beneath the mood.

It sounds like you need to get out more, on your days off to find a fitness class you can dip in and out of, or go swimming, or out for a walk. Find time for yourself, and enjoy spending time with your OH when you are both on a day off together. Force yourself to enjoy things, and eventually enjoyment will come.

Sitting inside will only cause more low mood.

Have you had counselling since your previous relationship? I wonder if it might be worth speaking with your GP and asking for a referral.

Sorry to be so brief, got to run but wanted to say I am thinking of you

Hiya,

I think shortly after I split from him, when I walked out on him I did go through a party-animal stage, and that lasted all of about 2 months. In the end I gave up - and since only go out as and when.

I do also have alot of hurt, I cry alot at the minute, although it seems to have started to become less and less, I just seem to have periods where I cannot control the crying. I think that I try to stop people from caring for me, as I only tend to hurt them - and maybe this is why I keep them at a distance?

I haven't spoken to anyone about my ex, I feel that it is in the past (so to speak) and that if I did it would only rake it all up again.

Thank you xxx

Counting_Pennies_2

hayleyholly wrote: »

Hiya,


I haven't spoken to anyone about my ex, I feel that it is in the past (so to speak) and that if I did it would only rake it all up again.

Can you not see that you rake it up every time you are mean to someone, or cry and cry to yourself.

My goodness, sometimes if we didn't speak to a professional about our woes we would be a volcano ready to explode, and maybe exploding is what is happening to you. Those around you might not want to hear your woes, a professional is there to guide you through your emotions.

You really do need to speak it through with someone, counselling is incredibly effective and not a taboo subject. Obviously I wouldn't go round telling Tom !!!!!! and Harry that you are seeing someone to help, but maybe your partner you could speak through it with and say you are thinking of talking it through.

If this is a long term partner, I would have thought you would speak through your past at some point, so no time like the present!

I have had a rage inside me, it has made me very unapproachable, in fact I have in the past been quite mean to others when they have a good thing happen in their life. I think it was probably the hurt coming back time and again that my life didn't seem to allow these nice things to happen, they didn't when I was a child and I felt it just wasn't on. I have had counselling, and it has helped enormously. It helps to understand your feelings, understand what is and isn't your fault or preventable and gives you strategies to have a happy life.

hth

Stephb1986_2

Hi Hayley,

I know how your feeling love, I'm a little older than you and never found it easy to make friends most of my life. I was teased at school for loads of things really it wasn't an easy time for me, I've never had any proper friends all the people who I thought were my friends used me for one thing or another then stop speaking to me. I don't think I've done anything wrong to make them stop talking to me but somehow they do.

I did go to college for a year then changed colleges I made friends in the first college which I sometimes talk to on facebook but thats about it the second college I went to was where I had a few friends from school which I don't really speak to anymore most of them have a couple of kids and I don't so we don't see eachother that much.

Then I work from home so the only people I see during the week is my family and I see my H2B at the weekend as he works nights. So I'm stuck in all week really.

I did start entering competitions and even joined a club doing it but it was full of people over 50 I went for a few months but then stopped going as they were already good mates and I felt like an imposter. I do still enter competitions though.

I think you might need someone to talk to and tell people how you feel.

Sending you hugs

Steph xx