Extremely lonely....

hayleyholly

Hello,

I don't really know what to write here, but I will have a good go.

I don't seem to be able to get on with people, no matter how much of an effort they make, I keep myself distanced, and don't make an effort with anyone. I recently fell out with my best friend of eight years, and now I don't seem to have anyone to confide in and talk to when I need someone the most. I seem to have locked myself away from the rest of the world, and really I feel like I am stuck in a rut, and I can't get out of it.
I cannot seem to make friends, infact I have no friends, I will not ven try to kid myself on that one. Nobody seems to like me, and I feel so, so, so, lonely. I have my boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half, he is my life, and if I lost him, I really would have noone at all.
My last partner kept me locked away from the rest of the world, he was abusive, and didn't like me to go anywhere or see anyone, and since him I have lost everyone that I have ever cared for.
I don't know if I am depressed, or if I am just in need of a friend, but my world just seems so sh*tty at the moment.
I work on a four on four off basis, rotating shifts, with my partner working Monday to Fridays, I don't drive, and I am constantly left at home with no means of transport (not that I would have anywhere to go if I tried). I sit myself away in the bedroom, as we share a flat with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend, and I don;t feel like I can face anyone.
This sounds so ridiculous, I know, but I don't seem to be able to be nice to people, infact I am horrible. I am always snapping, and I don't mean to do it at all, I am a nice person deep down, I just can't seem to bring that to the surface.
I used to be the life and soul of a party, now I don't even go out anywhere, it's as if I have locked myself out of everyones lives, and there is no way to get back in.
Is there anyway of making friends? I can't seem to find a way.
My fella has three sisters, all lovely girls, and I can't seem to get on really well with them either, when I really would love to.
I think the main problem is my job. I work as a stock controller within a large haulage company, and all the people I work with are males. I am scared I will lose my job, because of my obvious attitude problem, and lack of social interaction skills.
I don't know where things have gone wrong for me, but I would like someone's advice please, as all I seem to do at the minute is cry, and feel sorry for myself. And I would like that to change.
I don't know if re-locating is the best option to go for? To move away and try and strat a fresh away from everyone here?

Please help... I don't know how to stop being such a loner, and make new friends, I am only young, but I need to get my life sorted.

I am grateful to anyone who reads this, I know it sounds so stupid, but there is alot more that has happened that I cannot put into words.

Thank you for your time.

Hayley

sock-knitter

hi hayley, i dont think moving away would help, as your feelings and attitude will move with you.
i would suggest a chat with your gp, as you do sound depressed. i had a controlling ex a few years ago, and that left me in a similar situation to yourself.
hugs
shaz xxx

Sambucus_Nigra

Morning.

I worked with men for 14 years in construction - it doesn't mean I didn't have chums.

The best bit of advice i can give is from one of those posters from the 70s; which is 'if you want a friend, be a friend'.

We don't know exactly how you are with people, we don't know you. But the first step is realising you have a problem. Which i suppose you have done by posting this thread.

Why don't you start by giving us some examples of how you are with people; and try this....next shift - smile and say hello to people, ask them how they are and wish them a nice day. See if that makes any difference to your outlook that day. Make small talk about the weather, how the birds are starting to sing earlier in the morning, how the trees and bushes are starting to bud up and how the spring will be here soon.

sashadesade

Have you seen your doctor? I'm no expert but you may well be depressed. Your last relationship has had a bad effect on you at any rate.

hayleyholly

Hello Shaz,

I have been told by an old friend (who I now don't speak to) that I needed to go to a GP, but I haven't found the courage to go, I don't know what to say to the doctor, how to put things into words without seeming an idiot. I just don't know what to do to make this pain go away inside.

Did you go to the doctors?

Thanks

H xx

hayleyholly

It's not that I don't make an effort with people at work, I do, I try to put on a front, and make people like me, I come across as always happy, and as if I am indestructable, and I'm not.
I do say hello, I am not ignorant all the time - haha. I know that the fact that I work with guys shouldn't effect the friends I have, I just seem to have let my work (and the fact that I akways seem to be there) control my life. The only people I see are the people I work with, and I know I should make more effort, and I will take your advice

Thank you

Hayley xx

sashadesade

Tell the doctor what you've told us. Write down what you want to say before you go. Don't feel silly or embarrassed, I'm sure doctors hear similar stories all the time. If they don't take you seriously find a doctor who will.

hayleyholly

sashadesade wrote: »

Have you seen your doctor? I'm no expert but you may well be depressed. Your last relationship has had a bad effect on you at any rate.

Hiya,

No, I have not seen my doctor, I don't seem to have the courage to do that, without making myself seem an absolute idiot .

Thanks,

H xx

Teenie_D

Haley I'm really sorry you are feeling like this hun, but if you really want to help yourself you need to make the steps to do so and the first one, like the others have said is to see the doc. He/she if they are any good wont think you are an idiot many, many people are affected by depression and they are well used to it.

If you don't think you can talk why not write things down and let them read it?

When you are depressed it is VERY easy to lock yourself away from the world, I did (well tried to DH and friends wouldn't let me) and couldn't/wouldn't even go to the shops myself.

I too lost a group of friends a number of years ago due to my attitude then, I would go from one extreme to the other, being bubbly and outgoing and the life and soul of the party one minute then being moody and snappy, what I didn't realise at the time was that that was probably my first bout of depression (and an underlying undiagonsed medical condition didn't help!) I have not long got back in touch with one of them through FB and it is nice to have her back in my life again.

Good luck and make that step.

dazzer68

hi hayley, if you find it difficult talking to your doctor, perhaps make an appointment to see a female doctor you dont know, its good to talk to someone who you dont know, sometimes.if you still find it difficult, why not just print out your post and take it with you? explain you find it difficult at the moment to talk, but ive written my feelings down, infact i bet more is said written down than verbally, as you can get your true feelings down.
dont feel alone, even people with lots of 'friends' feel lonely sometimes.
your not going to make your self look an idiot, thats what doctors are there for, and thats what they want to do is to help people.
i bet in this day and age where everyones rushing around in their own world its quiet a common problem.dont dispair give the docs a ring .when was the last time you went? if not often just make the excuse your want to go for a MOT and see if everythings ok, then when your there approach the subject, your feeling a little lonely , snappy and short fused.there maybe an underlying problem that could be the cause.
good luck and hope you do it.theres always the samaratians, you can call them about anything you want to chat about someone is always listening.
take care x

hayleyholly

I am going to ring the doctors in a minute, to boo an appointment asap.
I will print this out and take it with me, to see if she can help at all. Thank you all so much for your help.

Hayley xx