Partner confiding in another woman (online)

pinknails

dear balletshoes,
thankyou for taking the time to reply constructively ,
I maybe should have added in my first post that he went back to his ex-wife in the early stages of our relationship. I took him back when he decided it wasnt working and that his "loyalties" lied with me. The ex wife has played on the fact she has his children..emotional blackmail..she pulled out all the stops to split us up, he at the time said he was only meeting her to talk about the children but having read their excahnge of letters at the time which she sent to me, she was doing all in her power to leave me, i would get texts and emails and phone calls from her telling me that they had just had a lovely time in such a such pub etc...when we were together and i was clueless. I took him back and stuck by him. he told her to leave me alone and as far as im aware the only communication they have is phonecalls (i think)

podperson

Hun, I don't think you are being unreasonable - if my partner was confiding in another woman when he had said he didn't feel he could talk to me I would be extremely upset about it. He seems to be brushing it off as if it is no big deal so if you do want to try and work it out with him I think you need to sit down and stress to him how upset this has made you - to the point where you are seriously considering whether you can stay with him.
He needs to tell you why he felt the need to do this - as someone mentioned earlier speaking to someone online can often be easier then speaking to someone in person, you can't see their reaction, you don't have to feel as if they are judging you, but if this is the case and it is due to him having issues confiding in people face-to-face then he needs to commit to making a real effort to working on that. Maybe Relate or something similar might be a good idea to help you work through that.
If he won't take it seriously and still refuses to admit that he's done anything wrong then unfortunately I think you may to consider that if he has so little regard for your feelings then he may not be worth sticking with.

clearingout

so you're the only relationship he's had since splitting up with his ex? are you the reason for the split? (not about to judge you - I promise - but it does make a difference to the response I might make depending on what you say).

tasha-debt

I do think he is being a bit of a plank to be honest. He needs to break all contact with the Ex except to dicuss the children and he needs to find a way to talk to you. If he can't do those things then I dont think you have a chance of goiong the distance.

I would be a upset of my BF was sending kisses and hugs to another women but not so much about talking about his problems as is this not what you are doing on her, talking to strangers about your problems.......... its easier than talking to real life people......

cheepskate_2

From what i gather if it is the same person im thinking about, he left his wife for Pinknails. I may be mistaken and got the wrong person but it sounds too similar.

Back then she said she wasnt taking him back and then gave him one more chance and then another.

How many chances does a man get.

If he keeps running back to his wife, then there is unfinshed buisness at the ex's. Sometimes you only realize what you had when you loose it.

If he truely wanted to be with you, he wouldnt make all these excuses up.

sunshinetours

Op hope you get the resolution that you want

Am I the only one who can see the irony of someone creating a new user name to anonymously request online help and support through some tricky times when a partner has created an anonymous user name to request online help and suipport?! Rather tongue in cheek as I do appreciate an ex is involved here which obviously complicates things.

There is also some fairly horrendous advice being given here IMO. Amazing how quickly some add up two and two and make 5

pinknails

sunshinetours wrote: »

Op hope you get the resolution that you want

Am I the only one who can see the irony of someone creating a new user name to anonymously request online help and support through some tricky times when a partner has created an anonymous user name to request online help and suipport?! Rather tongue in cheek as I do appreciate an ex is involved here which obviously complicates things.

There is also some fairly horrendous advice being given here IMO. Amazing how quickly some add up two and two and make 5

no irony at all. there is a big difference between seeking advice from a forum than talking in secret to some woman , especially when its so full on and the content is more than flirtatious. That is my opinion of course, but thanks for spending the time to reply x

clearingout

well, if he left his wife due to an affair/fledgling relationship with the OP, the OP is never going to be in a position where she can trust him, is she? she knows full well what he's capable of. There's little else to be said on the matter. Leopards rarely change their spots - and I would hazard a guess that those that manage to, do so because they face up to their failures. Few of us are capable of facing up to your failures.

if the OP is the first girlfriend since leaving the ex, the situation is different. I know myself that 2 years after separating, I am no where near ready for a new relationship and the majority of people I know in similar positions feel the same. There is a need to work out who the hell you are, what you want, and actually process the problems and difficulties of the past so they're not repeated.

The ex -wife isn't going away because there are children involved. You have to get used to that. What would you rather, a partner who puts his kids first and puts up with the crap his ex throws at him for the sake of trying to maintain things in the best interests of the kids, or one who treats her like carp? My ex's girlfriend has stood by my ex whilst he's treated me dreadfully, all to keep her 'happy'. What does she think is going to happen in the end?

and yes, I admit I jump to conclusions - but that's based on my experience. And having met a good number of others who were left for another person as a result of an affair, our situations are very, very similar. Not unlike this situation presented to us here.

pupsicola

That must have been a horrible shock for you. As you quite rightly say trust is a major part of any relationship as is communication.

From what you wrote in your post though your partner seems to have form, very odd to meet up with your ex and reminisce when you are with a new partner. Especially to do it behind your back.

Does he say why he cant tell you stuff that he feels able to express to a virtual person online. I do wonder how honest he has been with her. She may be completely unaware of your existence.

To be honest someone like him would get on my nerves . He seems unwilling or unable to see how hurtfull his actions are. You could do and deserve so much better. Chalk it down to experience and move on. He will bring you down and mess with your head and not really be bothered about it.

pupsicola

sunshinetours wrote: »

Op hope you get the resolution that you want

Am I the only one who can see the irony of someone creating a new user name to anonymously request online help and support through some tricky times when a partner has created an anonymous user name to request online help and suipport?! Rather tongue in cheek as I do appreciate an ex is involved here which obviously complicates things.

There is also some fairly horrendous advice being given here IMO. Amazing how quickly some add up two and two and make 5

You haven't actually given the OP any advice. Just criticised her for asking for help the way she has and told the rest of us that our opinions are horrendous and that we cant add up. Dont fall off that pedestal love you are a long way up :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl: