Baby advice - please help

JoJoB

My daughter was the same about being left alone, and really when I thought about it I couldn't blame her. Mum is the only anchor in this big wide world at first and it's a bit scary when she is out of sight - babies don't know for sure that you are going to come back after all!

I decided to go with the flow and basically do as much as i could to make her feel secure while she was little, in the hope that as she got older this feeling of security would lasst and result in her being confident enough to explore more on her own etc. It has worked.

In the beginning I used a sling around the house a lot which made her happy. I also bought a swing which was extremely useful as she wouldn't mind sitting in this in the same room as me while I cooked/cleaned etc. Sleeping - she refused to sleep in a cot or away from me. I was nervous about co-sleeping so took the side off her cot and pushed it against my bed. I felt a bit of a failure doing this, and like i was too soft - but it meant we all had our own sleeping space and if she woke in the night i just had to reach a hand out for her to know I was there and she would settle down again easily. So we all got a good sleep instead of getting up and down constantly.

This lasted until she was 2, and i was getting a bit impatient - but my plan was to wait until she was old enough to understand instructions properly, and old enough to understand BRIBES lol. Her first night in her own bed in her own room was going terribly until I said she could have a chocolate the next day if she stayed in bed with no screaming and shouting (bad mummy lol). But it worked and we haven't had a problem since. One special sleeping friend (her bunny) helps too.

She's now a happy confident child who is happy to be left at friends houses etc. I would say the main thing while baby is so young is to make them feel as secure as possible and do anything to get the sleep you need without feeling guilty about it! The number of times I was told I was "making a rod for your own back" - but I think this only applies if you are a soft touch as they get older, not when they are so little.

And be aware - their sleep will go in phases and be interrrupted by things like teething, growth spurts and the like in the first year at least, so there may be times when baby is sleeping 10 hours a night then suddenly up every 2 hours. Just remember it's always a phase, and probably won't last too long.

donteatthat

I think babies have an inbuilt radar for detecting that they have been left on their own! Mine is no different. Just something else to consider - I found my baby didn't like being put down so I was constantly picking him up and worried I was getting a clingy baby but I realised that what he was crying for was being put down flat. It soon became apparent that he had reflux, and he is happy to be put down as long as he is on an incline.
There is also the slumberbear you might try - you can find it on Amazon and record your voice into it so when he starts making noise it soothes him. We've found it to be brilliant.

threemuttleys

thank you all so much for your advice...sling it is methinks.


Is there a limit as to how long they can be in a sling? Ive got a baby bjorn one, he is already in it 2x a day for 1/2 hour to 2 hours with me and the dogs

Plans_all_plans

Hiya at that age there is no such thing as routine, so dont worry! I would also totally let the housework slide for months if I were you. Or try to get your husband to do it when he gets in from work.

My DD didnt have a bath til she as 6 weeks old (on the advice of my midwife). Try not to bath them too often, particularly if they have dry skin.

In terms of him crying when you put him down: my DD was breastfed too and she loved nothing better than to fall asleep at the breast! I literally spent the first few months with her sandwiched to my breast. When she had fallen asleep I'd transfer her to her cot, but if she woke up, I'd just pop her back onto me again!

As she got older (5/6 months) I used my own version of controlled crying, so that I wasn't encouraging clingyness. I firmly believe you can tell when your child is crying because it needs something, rather than just to get you in the room.

I really wouldn't worry that your child wants you constantly at this age. I found that to be my experience. As he gets older (and you find your feet a bit more!) you can leave them to cry if you're comfortable. While they're breastfeeding though they just love to be near you, so just leave the housework!!

I nalso agree with the advice that people have given about swaddling them! My DD loved this.

donteatthat

Just be careful not to swaddle too tight or in something that can get them too hot like a fleecy blanket as overheating is a risk for SIDS. They need to be able to release their arms.

LilacPixie

my bits of advice..... sling...... slumberbear........don't bath every day, oilitum baby bath and creams put on his damp skin after. Dr will pescribe but asda/tesco do sell as well.

delain

I've not much experience of BF etc but sometimes if Squeak is being clingy I'll put her in her cot and lay on my bed so she can see me, then go do stuff (If I'm still awake :rotfl:) and find she's now more used to self settling.

Completely OT but every time I see your siggy I get a mental image of a double decker bus (Alexander Dennis:o) and it always makes me

meritaten

my first son was like this - until I bought a baby carrier (newfangled thing then) I was getting no housework done at all as I couldnt put him down! at night time he would sense the second he was put down in his cot and scream the house down - it took many many many nights of going back in - calming him down and leaving again. that was more exhausting than actually just staying with him! but it eventually worked and a few months later he was actually sleeping all night on his own. it did help when we used to leave a little radio playing softly (to make him think he was still downstairs in the living room)! also the room was softly lit rather than completely dark - which would scare him if he did wake!
the third thing was I think dry skin? olive oil hun! or sunflower oil or the soya oil. worked wonders on the mild ecxma son had. even better than the steroid cream from the doc.

skintchick

OP - there's no limit to how long they can be in a sling, in some cultures they sling continually, but a Baby Bjorn isn;t the best for them or you. Try a wrap sling or something like the Close carrier, which is better for them in terms of position. My hospital told me the Bjorn style slings hold their legs in the wrong position for their hip development - they should be froggy-legged not dangling down from the crotch.

I'm also an attachment parent. DD cslept till 12 months, now goes down in her cot fed by me but comes in with us at first waking. Teeth will make things terrible up to 3 years old (!!!) but it is always just a phase and does pass.

I could give you links showing why controlled crying is really bad for their development, if you want them, just PM me. They've been posted before by me or others on other threads but always start a slanging match between the two camps so I won;t put them on here

As for baths, we bathed DD I think 3 times in 6 months! Just used to wipe her with baby wipes or a damp cloth if she got grubby. She does have eczema now though but it's very common my Gp said. We now bathe once a day and use E45 cream but hers isn;t very bad.

She is 17 months now.

rachbc

threemuttleys wrote: »

thank you all so much for your advice...sling it is methinks.


Is there a limit as to how long they can be in a sling? Ive got a baby bjorn one, he is already in it 2x a day for 1/2 hour to 2 hours with me and the dogs

I'd look a getting a soft carrier type sling as they hold baby in a more natural cuddling type position than a baby bjron so they are comfy for longer...google 'baby wearing' for ltos of info on differnt types of slings