Expensive Reception wanted by my wife to be: am I being unfair?

shandypants5

zcrat41

I don't think its unreasnoble to want a dream wedding.

But I think its unreasnoble to expect someone else to pay for it. If she can't contribute then she should button up!

leightonb

Thanks for replies. I agree with the general concensus that it is just one day and having grown up in a single parent family on free school meals etc, I cannot justify this expense.

To be honest, and I say this not boasting - just so you know the situation, I have circa £40k saved up and she knows it.

Its breaking my heart to see her so upset about it though
She is normally the kindest sweetest girl but she has turned into BRIDEZILLA! :eek:
Her parents are getting on in years and one is unwell and I know she has said she wants her Father to walk her down the aisle. If I waited a couple of years and the worst happened, I would hate myself. Part of me is tempted to say sod the expense. Part of me fears that this will niggle away at me throughout our marriage if I do give in and vice versa - she may resent the sacrifice.

One option she has given me is that we just get married in the church and then go straight on honeymoon (I think she doesnt want to even consider having a reception that isnt Chatsworth bleeding Hall.) Is this the done thing? Wouldnt this be rude to our guests?

Thanks again guys.

leightonb

White_Sapphire wrote: »

She is being unreasonable. She's got caught up in bridal magazine culture, where expensive = better and it's made her selfish.

She needs to be reminded what a wedding actually is - is there anyone else close to her, perhaps her mother, who could have a little chat with her?

YES! She brought one of those bloody Bridal magazines the day I asked her! :mad:
And I think she gets her taste for expensive things from her Mother :eek:

Tigsteroonie

leightonb wrote: »

One option she has given me is that we just get married in the church and then go straight on honeymoon (I think she doesnt want to even consider having a reception that isnt Chatsworth bleeding Hall.) Is this the done thing? Wouldnt this be rude to our guests?

If you expect wedding gifts, then it is probably a little rude not to have a reception at which they can give you said gifts.

But you need to get this sorted now, otherwise she will think the two of you can keep on raiding those savings - a wedding, an expensive honeymoon, a new car, an expensive holiday ... And if you can't sit down with her and talk about these things sensibly, what does that perhaps say for the state of your relationship?

Yes she'll be upset. But what is more important - the wedding, or being married to you?

White_Sapphire

Blimey, good on you for being financially savvy - I'd be well chuffed if I had an eighth of that saved!!

She does not have an automatic right to that money to do with as she wants though - as other posters have said, if she insists on the dream venue, she will probably also insist on the dream dress (designer dresses easily costing upwards of £2k) complete with designer shoes and jewellery, as well as the bridesmaids' dresses, the most expensive menu on offer, masses of flowers...
The list just goes on, taking at least half your hard-earned savings with it!

That money is for your future, and that of your children if you want them, not for her to blow on having the 'best' wedding.

As for not having a reception, I think you would need to have something afterwards, even if it's only a small drinks reception - people often have to travel a fair way and part of the reason for the reception is to give the guests time to greet and congratulate the bride and groom and celebrate with them, there being a limit to opportunities for celebration in a church! For you to rush off straight from the church might seem like you're avoiding them - I would feel it was a little odd if I were a guest where I just went back home after the ceremony.

Sambucus_Nigra

Honestly, I'm not a great believer in spending shed loads on a wedding when it is possible to do it on a budget. The best wedding I ever went to was a budget one, but you'd not know because all the chums did the work [I made the jams for the tea party, a chum did the cakes, another did the flowers - you get the pic]....and her and her hub are a 3 house owning, relatively well off, higher tax payer type household.

So, I'd worry intently on spending £7k on just the reception and I'd have to try and bring her down to earth with a bump if she were my pal. Esp in the current climate. Total madness.

At the end of the day [no offence] but it's about a piece of paper. You can dress it up, dress it down but you have to dress it to the cut of your cloth. And unless she has a good £10k ferreted away to go towards it, then it's going to drain your deposit fund away.

Tiara_2

She is being unreasonable As fabulous as it would be to have the reception at Chatsorth Hall, she needs to realise having a reception somewhere else doesn't need to be the end of the world. £7k is a huge amount to spend, and would be a huge chunk to add towards a deposit for a house.

Does she have savings of her own? If waiting while you save up is not an option, then you need to stand her firm and make her realise that it is just too expensive. As hard as it is for you to see her upset, if you give in now you are in danger of setting a precedent that you will back down and let her have her own way every time she has a tantrum.

This board is full of ideas about how to make pennies stretch and transform ordinary venues into something really special. You don't need to spend such a huge sum of money to have a really special day.

leightonb wrote: »

Thanks for replies. I agree with the general concensus that it is just one day and having grown up in a single parent family on free school meals etc, I cannot justify this expense.

To be honest, and I say this not boasting - just so you know the situation, I have circa £40k saved up and she knows it.

Its breaking my heart to see her so upset about it though
She is normally the kindest sweetest girl but she has turned into BRIDEZILLA! :eek:
Her parents are getting on in years and one is unwell and I know she has said she wants her Father to walk her down the aisle. If I waited a couple of years and the worst happened, I would hate myself. Part of me is tempted to say sod the expense. Part of me fears that this will niggle away at me throughout our marriage if I do give in and vice versa - she may resent the sacrifice.

One option she has given me is that we just get married in the church and then go straight on honeymoon (I think she doesnt want to even consider having a reception that isnt Chatsworth bleeding Hall.) Is this the done thing? Wouldnt this be rude to our guests?

Thanks again guys.

celyn90

leightonb wrote: »

To be honest, and I say this not boasting - just so you know the situation, I have circa £40k saved up and she knows it.

But it doesn't matter - what matters is that you aren't happy with the idea - therefore it's a no go; even if you can afford it You both have to find something you are happy with - it's about both of you. I would never ever make my fiance do something he was uncomfortable with - if he's not happy then I am not happy - how could I be?

OH's ex-wife told him after the wedding that it was a disappointment as it wasn't as lavish as she wanted. Her other demands - he was a failure for not giving her the wedding she wanted, the house she wanted, the lifestyle she wanted formed one of the statements on his divorce petition three years later. And she never lifted a finger to get a job to help fund her own demands; just expected him to be the provider on account of being male. He left with 20K worth of debt because of her expensive tastes.

Stephb1986_2

Could she not possibly comprimise? There are hundreds of national trust properties that are quite grand that only cost around £300 to hire I think would this not be an option? How long have you been engaged? I've found personally alot of the bridal magazines aren't really wedding savvy so to speak but there are two that I read myself that have good tips for everyones budget and thats perfect wedding and also wedding ideas.

Saying that though I've fell in love with a venue that will cost around £4000 thats including ceremony and wedding breakfast and evening buffet. All you have to do is put the word wedding infront of anything and it automatically doubles if not triples.

What part of the country are you from? Just thinking we can look at some lovely national trust properties near you.

Steph xx