startagain, Starts Again....... Again

3Dogs

Well done SA - on several fronts:j getting on so well in your new job :j new blinds :j getting new phone deal without international calls :j deleting ex's contact details :j Mr T's progress which I find very heartening :j your win :j

Dojo and Frugal are right - we need more positivity on the boards to show that there is life after debt, that you can be happy despite the debt/bankruptcy

startagain_2

Good Morning everyone..

Thanks for all your lovely messages, very much appreciated.

As to the comments on BR and the effect it has on you, these are my thoughts -

You have to go into BR fully prepared, and this is where MSE is so brilliant, there are so many good people who give great advice, help and support - the stickies are very informative and like a bible for the process. People recognise when posters are in need of "extra" help and step in with pm's or a constant eye out for needy posts and jump in to help. I had my own personal favourites watching over me and they got me through it...
You should make sure that everything is listed and that you are coming out of the process debt free - that is the point, isn't it? And then..... you must take up the baton and run with it. By that I mean that you have been offered the chance to start over and either do things differently or have the knowledge of the pitfalls and dangers. My own personal one was overstretching myself and depending on income that wasn't neccessarily permanent. I learned the hard way
I was lucky, my OR guy was a sweetie and I got ED in just 6 months, and there isn't a day that goes by without me thanking whoever is watching over me because the outcome could have been a lot different, I can tell you. I have gone from someone who couldn't ask for, or accept, help when I needed it - now I can. Pride is not a good thing to have in times like that. I have made some good buddies on here too.

So, 2 years on, I have downsized - keep an older car rather than replace, bits and bobs of work rather than a big career - something there to always fall back on when one or another goes pop.

I get a kick out of earning a tenner doing surveys, saving up for weeks to buy an item for the flat, seeing MrT learn a new thing and being on my wavelength. The list goes on but the gist is the same - Life is what we make it. We are very priviledged to live in this country with it's welfare, NHS, police and armed forces, we just need to stop expecting to get it all for nothing - something too many people seem to think is their right.

Yep, I am positive, and that is because I know I have been given another chance. Seeing people I know from the Carribean owing money to moneylenders and paying ALL of their earnings on a daily basis over and over again, relying on a bowl of rice from a neighbour or family member to live on, is a pretty sobering sight. I agree there is too much negativity on here at times - people need to help themselves before expecting it to come from other directions.

Sorry if this is all a bit sobering.... just all in my head and I needed to get it all out.

Don't any of you ever change - you have been so good in your support of me these past few months. Pat yourselves on the back... :T You all deserve it.

Hugs

SA

LittleBoots

Hello

Good to hear the you are enjoying the job Oh I'd love to work with chocolate!!!
Also have to echo what everyone else is saying about the positivity oozing from your posts . There must be a strong bond between you and MrT, well done you!

LittleBoots

Oh crossed posts! I guess The Stones were right, you can't always get what you want! But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.

It makes a lot if sense to me anyway

Aesop

Do you know what SA, I went out for the first time in months with DH yesterday, we don't go out at all together in the evenings, because of him working long hours, 7 days a week. Since DS has been born, he is now 3, we have been out 3 times as a couple!

Anyway, I digress, we went out yesterday, bowling, 2 adults, 2 games, I couldn't find any vouchers, but got a better deal booking games online rather than at the Bowling centre, babysitter costs, taxi for babysitter, a horrible thai takeaway for me, drinks for the two of us. It cost us SOOOO much for one night out, I said I am not doing this again! All I could think about was how much the whole evening had cost for us and how that money could have bought food for a few weeks or paid a few bills!

I know that's wrong and we need time out as a couple, but it really put me off how much it all cost, especially as neither of us could afford it, I have now said money cannot be spent on this that and the other to make up for it.

DH was telling me about his friend who lives off credit cards but is in so much debt. He had a holiday last year, we haven't had one for 5 years, he is always buying new clothes, we only buy when we really need something new. Ie I tore my only pair of leggings yesterday, so now need to buy a new pair.

He bought a car and reckons he is only paying £40 a month towards loan as part exchanged old car. We were trying to work out how he can afford to pay back the credit cards? He also has a loan shark on his back.

MSE has helped me to rethink the way things are and attitudes towards spending money. DH applauds me for constantly cutting coupons and surveys and other money saving habits but also sometimes says f&^k it and let's just blow money we don't have. Well I can't do that, if I haven't got it, no food, no nursery, no work, etc.

It does make you wonder though.....

Aesop

SA

can you see if you can register on this site please? I am trying but every username pick it says it has already been taken

http://whsmith.easypanelsite.net/

and I don't believe that!

katali_d

Hi Aesop,

You could try doing stay-in date nights? Maybe see if someone can have the kid(s) for the night/evening and do something special that you wouldn't normally do? Make a special meal etc. Would save you some money, but also let you feel like you were doing something different together.

savingwannabe

LittleBoots wrote: »

Oh crossed posts! I guess The Stones were right, you can't always get what you want! But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.

It makes a lot if sense to me anyway

I love that song!

savingwannabe

Hey Aesop finding a caring, babysitter is a good idea but of course, it must be someone you know tremendously well. And nights out are so expensive I am looking at the opportunity cost of them all the time now and i dont know if that is a good thing or me finally becoming assertive (yep, i am that slow). When i went to the pictures to see the opera (i saved £60 on the tickets as i only saw it via the cinema and not at the Opera House in London - i can't afford to go to london nowadays and i used to go every month on my old salary) but it still cost over £25 in a taxi - my food and fun spending for a week and i kind of kicked myelf about it too.

Aesop i earn a good salary I haven't been abroad for a long time. Everyone i know that travels is in some kind of debt! I would rather save to do things and know i have paid for it than borrow. It's different things for different people.

Dont be down. Do you know what i realised last time my best mate Andy (not from this site) came and i ordered takeaway - how silly it was and i should have cooked something nice from scratch it is far more satisfying. I am enjoying this money saving stuff but it is hard and there are painful lessons along the way. All about needs and wants and choices, the basic essence of economics.

Aesop as li'l boy grows older your chance to earn and spend more will increase but these incredible lessons and your knowledge will still be with you and you will have fantastic holidays I am sure. You will see it will work out in the end. Most people do not know how to budget you do. That is pretty cool sweetie and lil boy will appreciate it when he is older. big hug, kit.

startagain_2

Hi guys,

Sorry - been out dog walking and duck feeding and............. cue fanfare - I have locked my phones in the car (!) and bought a bottle of rose wine for a treat for myself. I think I deserve it but don't want to relapse on any of my new found positivity.
Aesop - i will try and register and let you know. As for the other stuff, I used to always turn down work social invites for that reason. They would go out and think nothing of spending £50 to £100 on a NIGHT OUT!!! And have horrendous hangovers the next day, No Thanks. I would prefer to buy better food and cook it myself rather than a takeaway. Steak and a bottle of red for example would be my idea of heaven. Resentment is a horrible feeling and one that I became used to when I was blowing money on credit cards - I realised that it is just applying a plaster to patch something up that goes much deeper. I don't feel the need to prove anything these days and I prefer a few creature comforts to going out and living it up.
I was just thinking this morning that I would liven my wardrobe up a bit but I wont go mad - just a few bits and pieces from Mat***n - job done.
I enjoy being frugal without being tight and there is a big difference.... frugal is not wasting money and making the most of what you have whereas tight is just denying yourself - almost a punishment in my eyes.
Let's see if I can get on this panel thingy?
hugs
SA