startagain, Starts Again....... Again

startagain_2

As they say, "Thanks for Looking"

Let me introduce myself, I am startagain, a poster on these forums since 2008 when, what I considered to be horrendous debt (about 18k), led me to seek help on MSE, the CCCS and eventual bankruptcy.
I am a middle aged, single (married and divorced twice) female who just refuses to grow up!
Originally from the South of Enland I now live in the North East where I have a rented HA flat in a nice area with a small dog for company.
In the last 12 years I have been divorced, lost my house, lived abroad for three years, had surgery on a broken back, had a major op on another part of my body been made bankrupt, redundant and a fool of myself - not bad eh!
I was made bankrupt in Jan 2009 as my income was drying up because of an overtime ban at work which had made up 30% of my total income and being shift work meant I couldn't take a second job. I was very lucky to get ED (early discharge) just 6 months later in July 2009.
This coincided with being offered the flat I am living in now which at the time was very run down and old fashioned but a nice layout, two bedrooms, a garden and next door to a park. Prior to that I had been living in a tiny city centre flat with an assortment of druggies and ex prisoners for company. I was able to use my annual bonus to do lots of DIY and redecorating and the HA paid for new CH, a new kitchen and a bathroom refit on the new flat. It cheered me up and kickstarted me out of the doldrums that I had been wallowing in for too long. I was beginning to think that life had forgotten me.

I do tend to feel pretty low at times (not so much now) and my lovely GP referred me for pyschology and I have been having counselling for the last two years and it has completely turned my life around. Using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I can stop myself dwelling on the past and making silly mistakes again like contacting an abusive ex that needs to be left in the past as a memory. Doh!

Having a garden in my new flat meant that I could get a dog and I rehomed a small terrier in Nov 09 who was as much of an emotional wreck as me! We have worked on our issues together and are both coming along nicely - thankyou.... Seriously, it is so nice to have a reason to go out for an hour or two in the fresh air and blow the cobwebs away and you can actually say hello to people too.

Life is never easy and on returning to my beloved job this time last year (I worked for a major TV satellite company) I found out that they were relocating and my department was up for redundancy
So, in June last year I was unemployed and feeling very unloved. I took a few weeks off and went abroad (back to the abusive ex) returning home not only still unemployed but very down and broken hearted too..... whoops!

Living in a fairly small town I realised that a new job was not going to jump out at me and so I decided to look for part time work and have ended up with two part time jobs - one in the morning and the other in the afternoon, which leaves me time to go home and walk aforementioned canine friend and housemate. The down side is that my income is very limited now - I mentioned on Nohope's diary that I have less coming in per week than I used to spend on dinner out with my ex husband. Crikey. I am also having a couple of issues with one of the jobs and being the "new girl" where I am being bossed around by a little madam who is 30 odd years younger than I am.... :mad:
But it does mean that things are very much more under control and with no credit card or loan facility I can't really go too much off the rails, can I? It is a real hand to mouth existence and I have saved and skrimped in order to buy a fridge freezer later this month so that I can batch cook and start buying more bargains.

My social life is non existent and so I have taken the plunge and joined a social club for singletons in my area. They have once a month events and it will mean I actually get out of the house for something other than work, shopping or dog walking! First event at the end of Jan, stay posted......

I have also decided that I am going to stop paying monthly instalments on things that I can save money on by paying an annual premium - car insurance, dog insurance etc. I have managed to renew these two and paid annually and I intend doing the same with the AA, TV Licence and anything else that qualifies. It is such a relief to know that they are paid for a year and that if there is another crisis in my life (or when) I am paid and up to date.

I am not totally sure why I want to write a diary, but I do, and if anyone cares to read, comment or commiserate - feel free. Even if you want to have a good old moan about your own lives, I don't mind....

Thanks for reading, stick around if you like it, there will be plenty more I am sure......

SA

Shoe_Gal

Hi - congratulations on getting as far as you have :j

startagain_2

Thanks Shoe Gal, it is funny how just the smallest things make me happy now. I won £10 on the lottery last night with my one lucky dip ticket and I am thrilled!

SA

startagain_2

Forgot to mention that I have got to go to work tonight..... Sunday eve! Nobody thought to mention it at my first or second interview, or when they offered me the job, that it entailed working 1 Sunday night in 4. Hmmm
Because I have never done it before and don't know the procedures I have to go in on two evenings to train and then it willl be my own shift - a total of 3 nights in Jan. I am a bit cheesed off but any job is better than no job I suppose.
I wanted to watch Skating on Ice as well ... have to catch up on Sky+ tomorrow I suppose.
Grumble,grumble
SA

renovation.girl

I've found you! Wow, what a roller coaster you have been on, but it sounds as if you are getting on your feet now:j. You truelly are an inspiration, and I am subscribing and following your progress with fellow single woman interest, girl power!! :T:D

startagain_2

Good morning everyone,

Thanks for reading my story so far - please don't think that it is a tale of woe. I have had some fantastic experiences and it has certainly been a learning curve

It is grey, miserable and cold here today - horrid weather and it means more muddy pawprints through the house if I'm not careful.

But, do you ever get one of those days where everything feels OK? I feel like that today, even with just 5 hours sleep. After my £10 win on the lottery on Sat night, my lovely boss of my morning job gave me £10 extra this week.. I am fairly flush and will celebrate with a trip to the pet shop for a pigs ear for thoroughly spoilt dog....

I had to work last night and it was pants! I haven't even negotiated how or if I am going to get paid for it. The others are all full time employees and get Monday off in lieu but I only work 4.5 hrs a day so it is a bit lop sided in their favour. When the boss gets back I am going to have to sit him down and sort things out. It is all so airy fairy and I am not like that at all. Lists, plans and organised is my way.

I am very excited about the thought of getting a fridge freezer this month. For 6 years I have used a second hand larder fridge but it does mean that I buy more fresh food than I would like. With a freezer I can batch cook and freeze and other money saving ideas from the OS board. It also means (I hope) less of the dashes to the supermarket to buy 1 item and ending up with 6, although that has got a lot better.

I hope you all have a good day, I have started a written diary as well and I am listing 5 positives that happen each day (idea nicked from OS board) and it cheers me up no end. Recommended!

Hugs everyone

SA

startagain_2

I mentioned before that I am joining a social club in my area in a bid to get out and about a bit more. So off I go into town, in the pouring rain, to pay the joining fee into the bank account of the lady that runs it. As I bank online, I don't have cheques and she doesn't accept cards so this was supposed to be the easiest way....

I had her bank details so I went to the Lloyds TSB branch and queued and queued for 15 minutes for the cashier to tell me that it wasn't the TSB as she had said but the HSBC...:mad: Off I go and queue for another 10 minutes - I felt like giving up, but didn't and that is done now. First event at the end of this month :eek:

Then, and I don't know why, but I had a "wobble" this afternoon about my ex who I am desperately trying not to contact. He is bad news but I keep getting myself involved again. I don't know if it was the carp morning or feeling tired after working last night or what? So.... I had a mini exorcism and threw out all the bits and bobs around the house that he had either bought me or were reminders of him. I have to say, I felt better afterwards and the moment has passed.

Trying to work my finances out for the rest of the month and am determined to stick to my budget so that I can still get my new fridge freezer this month. It will save me so much on my food shopping, I know.

I feel better for typing that - as good as having the ear of a good mate to bend!

Have a good evening everyone, only 4 days 'til the weekend.

SA

mum2one

Hi startagain, got to you took a hard and obvioulsy thought provocking moment to get away from ex, sometimes there like a comfort blanket, and sometimes its like the devil you know saying.

Your inspirational, I'm not just saying that, but looking through everything that has happened, I'm guessing you hit rock bottom, I always say when you hit rock bottom theres only one way you can go and thats up, and from the sounds of it your going the right way.

The dog sounds lovely, and spolit, bet he/she has landed on their feet, we've got an 18mth old Springer, we lost our last one nearly 2 yrs ago (he's in the pic), we looked into a rescue Spaniel, as we didn't want to go back through the puppy training, but unfortunately everything fell through, as at the time the dogs they had were older and had illness, and as I'd got my daughter, she was in a state and a half, she'd lost her soulmate, and we couldn't put her through that again, what would have been say maybe 2 or 3 yrs, so we now have a very spolit Spaniel, there inseperable, he knows when shes due home from school, where we live the complete side of the house, the dividing fence is between us and the school, if shes out on the grass and he sees her he won't move for England....

Sounds like you did the best thing chucking out the items that reminded you of him, this new start with the singletons night, do you good, get you out and enjoying yourself.

The fridge freezer sounds a gd idea, esp with the 2 jobs you can have something pre-pared and ready to reheat. Your get there, you sound very determined, I think the flat and the dog were the making of you.

You take care xx

LittleBoots

Hi SA

Just wanted to say hello and good luck with everything. You seem like a very strong person and I am sure your diary will be an inspirational one.
Your dog sounds lovely, your ex not so. Who would you rather pend time with?
I like the sound of your social club, always good to get out, try new things, meet ew people. Hmm wonder if theres one in my area...

startagain_2

Hi Ladies,
Thanks for reading and your lovely comments....

mum2one - I agree about having a dog, they are so loyal (most of the time) and when you are down they actually give you a reason for getting up and out and take responsibility for something other than yourself. Mine must look approachable because people are always stopping to pet him which has been good for him because he was very insecure and aloof when I go him( a bit like me )

Littleboots, thanks - I don't know if I hit rock bottom but I was certainly close and I think I bounced a few times as well just for good measure. I used to think that I was pretty comfortable, nice house, nice life, nice hubby - but appearances can be deceptive and we were in debt and he was in love/lust with someone else

So here I am now with my downsized life and really enjoying it most of the time. I have spent a couple of years sorting things and myself out and working out what I actually want and I think I am getting there. I really believe that a man in my life might actually be in the way so I am going to have to tread very carefully in that direction.
I was anxious not to join in the online dating thing or an actual singles club that works on pairing people off - it is more the getting out thing that I wanted to do. To be able to dine out or go to the theatre with other people is what I miss.

I have just watched the dustmen cart off the last of the things that reminded me of the ex and I feel strangely relieved that I have finally done it. Who needs a shrine to the past?

Raining again here and the prospect of work doesn't appeal, I shouldn't feel that way about a newish job but the boss is away and a young upstart in the office has decided to be "in charge" and is getting on my nerves, to say the least. There are only the two of us in our office and she is driving me nuts. Only a few days to go though and the boss will be back. Time for a sit down and some serious talking, I think.

I had a lovely tea last night of stuffed lamb breast and roasted veg, all bought cheaply from MrM and I was able to plate up another tea for tonight so that will be nice. Some of the offers at the moment of half price stuff are just to good to miss. Nohope - take note!

Have a good day everyone, as good as a rainy Tuesday will allow and I will write more later....

Best wishes

SA

startagain_2

Home early from my afternoon job - boy, am I being messed about

I am supposed to work three days a week for a few hours a day then someone left unexpectedly before Xmas and I was asked if I could do a few more hours - 5 days and longer hours? I helped them out but I have now been told that I have to work 1 Sunday night in 4 and take time off in lieu the following week. That means half my working week! So I asked if I could be paid instead and they have said No but the full timers work 6 hours on the Sunday and get a full day off on Monday (9hrs) in exchange. It just doesn't seem fair.
So I have decided on a bit of "Work to Rule" at the moment, until the boss gets back from his jollies next week and I will sort it out once and for all. It feels like the goalposts keep getting moved and being the organised person that I am - I hate it... :mad:

Anyway, rant over ... at least I am home in the daylight and can walk the dog and see where I am going for a change.

SA