To new beginnings. To the pursuit of...somethingness.

MrsMoo2U

Thanks KC, never used to drink gin but I have become accustomed to it whilst staying at my friends. Good thing is that somebody, somewhere in Austria will have a nice surprise tomorrow when they find a very large sum in their bank account that was meant for somewhere else. Bad thing is they will be very disappointed when it is recalled!!!

Thanks for the hug, cup of chamomile tea has just been delivered.

Karmacat

Good lord .... it isn't even in limbo, they've actually credited it to someone else? You deserve compensation, I would say.

lionheartedgirl

oh cheri! just popping out of lurkdom but goodness me, how utterly ridiculous! I'm not sure what to say other than suggesting a large gin

good luck with sorting it out, and i hope someone apologises profusely and makes good

niccatw

Keep breathing deeply Cheri! It's the best way to combat the stress.

Thankfully you are very vigilant and have noticed right away. I know it will seem alien to you, but there are many people who would have just trusted that the money had gone where it was supposed to, so by the time they found out it hadn't it would be much more difficult to sort out. You have circumvented that.

Have you spoken to Mr C when you are not stressed to "suggest" better ways of supporting you when you are stressed? Easy for me to type, I know!!!!! I know it'd be something I'd baulk at. But sometimes, as we all know , men need to be given explicit instructions and told when and how to adhere to them!

Not something to tackle right now. You have more than enought to deal with. But maybe something to come back to when the time is right?

MrsMoo2U

Indeed KC. Thanks Lion, and yes Nic we have had that discussion on several occasions but he is a real stress head himself. I rarely get stressed by things like this but if I am honest what is stressing me is how Mr C copes with things and I have to tip toe around things to make sure that I dont say the wrong thing. I dont always manage it which then ends up in the scenario that happened tonight, I then snap and things escalate. I can honestly say that Mr C is the only person in the world who has that effect on me. A weekend away does me the world of good I have discovered. Also a period of time when not dealing with crass incompetence would be most welcome.

Now for those of you that frequent MG thread or know about the Secret. I have a question to pose. If I am always positive about what I want to happen and I am clear about what I want to happen in my head how do I combat the fact that Mr C is the opposite. For example, tonight he announces that he had been thinking for weeks that once we got to the point when the money was ready to be transferred they would put it into the wrong account and hey ho this is what they have done. Me on the other hand had been thinking, wont it be lovely when the money leaves my account and it is all where it should be. The mix up has happened because money was going to two different accounts and he had been thinking all along that they would mix up the accounts. He has no belief whatsover in Voodoo thinking as he calls.

So answers on a postcard please.

niccatw

Cheri, for many years I tiptoed around my ex not saying things because he might be upset about it. Perhaps if I hadn't I would have had the energy to last the distance. He is a sweetheart but he has his own issues that he doesn't deal with and I let him take me for granted - including being perhaps one of the only people he did talk to; and it was always negative and rarely would he reflect on the good in others.

I'm generally the opposite. I'm usually positive, calm and empathetic and always try to look for the best in everything (ok, my current diary entries suggest otherwise . But honest, normally I'm normal. ).

I'm also not good at talking about my own feelings so we never ever resolved how we dealt with our fundamentally different outlook on life. In the end it wore me down. I'd had enough and basically issued an ultimatum - out of the blue for him I guess, even though I knew it had been coming for months.

I think for you and Mr C, it might be another of those situations where you need to decide how you want to deal with it. Is it an issue that has to change because it will wear you both down in the longer term? Or is it precisely because you have this different outlook on life that means you work so well together? You can't change Mr C, so you need to ask yourself if you can change how you perceive some of the things he does. If the answer to that is yes, then make steps to do that now to reduce your stress levels.

If the answer is no, then you need to be aware of all the strategies that do help you (like going away for the weekend) and explore other ones that might work for you (have you ever tried writing Mr C a letter - with no intention whatsoever of him ever reading it so you can get you thoughts out of your head and give them less chance of builiding into a little stress ball? Or having a list of all the thing he does that you love.)

Then you have to work hard to make sure you use those strategies - and know when you need to use them. And that is the hard part! If I ever figure that bit out, I'll be sure and let you know!!! :rotfl:

I feel I'm being rather harsh on Mr C here! I don't mean to be. I think some of the strategies are transferrable across all of our relationships. When I was off sick, I wrote about 10 pages of A4 to my boss about things that needed to change at work.

She got the condensed version (about half a page) when, in a more reasoned mood, I whittled out my petty grievances and stuff I had to get off my chest, and kept to stuff that was really important to me or that I felt I had a pretty good solution too. (Might not have had a job to go back to if she'd seen the full 10 pages! :eek: :rotfl:)

youareallhelpingme

Good points there Nic. Cheri, you said he was the love of your life and you had all those years without him so don't let this get in the way.

I have a question for you - will Mr C be moving to Austria with you? I'm just thinking of the issues you have with his family.

MrsMoo2U

Oh dear, I think I have given the complete wrong impression here. Brilliant advice though Nic and there are some very good points in there that I will adopt.

Where to start. My question about him being negative was quite tongue in cheek really. For anybody that has read the Secret (it is talked a lot on MGs thread) it talks all about putting vibes out to the universe about what you want and being very clear about that. I am and always have been a very positive glass half full kind of person so I always have a tendency to believe that things will run smoothly. When they dont I deal with them calmly and collectively. So I have never had a time when so many things have gone wrong with transactions as has happened lately. Mr C on the other hand has had so many things go wrong that he always thinks ahead about if this goes wrong that will happen etc etc. So yesterday when dealing with the latest hiccup he announced that he had been thinking all along that they would put it into the wrong account. At this point I really questioned whether all that talk in the Secret is right. If you think something enough it will happen. If it is then it is bound to go wrong if he has that attitude. So my question really was - how do I combat that if I am thinking positively and he is thinking negatively. Do I have to think twice as hard? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Well it makes sense I guess to anybody who knows what I am rabbiting on about.

I accept that Mr C is a stress head. I dont always handle his stressing as well as I could do I suppose but then do we ever handle things right all of the time.

Me, yes Mr C is moving to Austria with me. I am sure that Mr C Snr will always be on the horizon though nagging and trying to control him as best he can. There really is only one outcome that would stop that from happening and I dont want to think about that otherwise I might be risking more questions about if the Secret is believable. :rotfl::rotfl:

niccatw

cherisong wrote: »

So my question really was - how do I combat that if I am thinking positively and he is thinking negatively.

Yin and Yang! You have nothing to worry about!

Karmacat

I know what you mean, Cheri, on both levels! There is a *sort* of issue there - only about focus tho - if I'm thinking about one outcome (I nearly wrote "income" ) I imagine a stream of energy from me to the thing or the event - and only from me! Thats the only thing.

On the other level, hmmm.... you could always ask the universe for a demonstration of positivity for him