Is it bad taste to ask guests to pay for their accommodation?

becs

I've been to quite a few weddings 300 miles away from home and have always paid for my own accomodation. When I got married we paid for our wedding party accomodation which consisted of 1 room for 2 ushers, 1 for best man and his girlfriend, 1 for my bridesmaid who was also my sister in law so that was a family room for her, my brother and my nephews and one for my parents as hubby's dad didn't want to stay. Everyone else paid for their accomodation.
Flea72 I'm so glad I don't have any friends who are as uncharitable as you! Personally I consider it a privilage and honour to be invited to share such an important day with my friends. I certainly do not attend because they're going to feed me and provide drink for me! Most weddings now do not have free bars because of greedy people abusing the gesture! As for bridesmaids and ushers paying for their own clothing this has been the case for a long time. I have to say we paid for our ushers and my bridesmaid but if I were a bridesmaid and asked to pay for my own dress as long as it were not ridiculously expensive I would have no problem with this. Everyone seems to be sadly out for what they can get these days and not really remember what an important and special event a friend's wedding is. Whoever said that the joy is more in the giving than the receiving was a very wise person indeed-it's just a very great shame that many more people do not appreiate this.

flea72

becs wrote: »

Flea72 I'm so glad I don't have any friends who are as uncharitable as you!

hmm i dont remember saying anywhere in my post that i begrudge paying. i was just pointing out the expenses that are incurred, which alot of brides seem to over look

would you not think your friend (the bride) was being a bit unkind, if they knew you had very little spare money but still expected you to stump up for all their little whims. im sorry, but it works both ways in a friendship

you obviously wouldnt baulk if you were asked to buy a bridesmaid dress for £300 then, and what happens when you get asked to be a bridesmaid more than once in a year. im sorry, i love my friends, and would do anything for them, but to put in that situation, is inconsiderate of the bride, espec if they then gets the ache because you arent participating in their special day, as they envisaged

and no, it is a fairly recent thing, where the bridesmaids/ushers have to stump up for their own attire. i would say its only changed in the last 10yrs. prior to that, if you were in the immediate wedding party, the consensus was you only paid for your own shoes at the most, but that was usually because it was an item that you would be using again after the big day (and was also quite expensive in comparison to the cost of the dress)

if you cant afford to pay for the wedding you want, then downscale your plans, rather than having to rely on the monetary generosity of your friends

F

Cazzdevil

My query was really just that if we're hiring the venue, every room is included in the cost, we're not paying extra for it so it's a cost that we, as the bride & groom HAVE to absorb if we want to have our doo there regardless of whether anyone stays over or not. So what I was checking was whether it's rude to then pass part of that cost back to the guests since it's already paid for as an intrinsic cost for the venue hire.

emsbet

Cazzdevil wrote: »

My query was really just that if we're hiring the venue, every room is included in the cost, we're not paying extra for it so it's a cost that we, as the bride & groom HAVE to absorb if we want to have our doo there regardless of whether anyone stays over or not. So what I was checking was whether it's rude to then pass part of that cost back to the guests since it's already paid for as an intrinsic cost for the venue hire.

I don't think so. We have a number of rooms at the hotel that we are having our reception in that we have to take due to noise. We have said to guests who are travelling that we have these rooms available and the cost of the rooms. Most people we asked have had a room because the hotel is quite out of the way, some have booked elsewhere and will get taxis and that's fine too.
It's not like you are conning them out of money, you are offering them a room at the rate that would be normally charged anyway.

xx

HappyMJ

Cazzdevil wrote: »

My query was really just that if we're hiring the venue, every room is included in the cost, we're not paying extra for it so it's a cost that we, as the bride & groom HAVE to absorb if we want to have our doo there regardless of whether anyone stays over or not. So what I was checking was whether it's rude to then pass part of that cost back to the guests since it's already paid for as an intrinsic cost for the venue hire.

It's not rude to ask. Does the £10 include sheets? Hostels can charge for that. If you feel it's rude then ask for "Hostel X is booked all night. A voluntary contribution of £10 towards an overnight stay at hostel X would be welcomed. Be aware it's dorm-style accomodation.".

Cazzdevil

I'm not sure what's included yet, we're hopefully going up next weekend to have a look round and see if it's what we're expecting and ask a few more questions about it so I'll know better after that.

floss2

flea72 wrote: »

and no, it is a fairly recent thing, where the bridesmaids/ushers have to stump up for their own attire. i would say its only changed in the last 10yrs. prior to that, if you were in the immediate wedding party, the consensus was you only paid for your own shoes at the most, but that was usually because it was an item that you would be using again after the big day (and was also quite expensive in comparison to the cost of the dress)

Sorry to disagree with you, but I know that when I was a bridesmaid for my godfather in 1967 my mum bought the fabric for my dress and made it herself, and no, she was not reimbursed for the cost. So it is NOT a recent thing!!

flea72

floss2 wrote: »

Sorry to disagree with you, but I know that when I was a bridesmaid for my godfather in 1967 my mum bought the fabric for my dress and made it herself, and no, she was not reimbursed for the cost. So it is NOT a recent thing!!

making your own bridesmaid dresses was also the norm back then - if you got asked to be a bridesmaid, whoever in the family was competent with a needle was roped in, as there was no option to go to a shop and buy off the peg for the masses, and fabric was proportionately less expensive

i would also say you mum most likely offered to stump up the cost herself, she wouldnt have been told that if she didnt pay, then you couldnt be a bridesmaid after all?

i just dont get why people dont understand when the shoe is on the other foot. a good friend would not put you in a situation where you had to choose between attending their big day, or your own family having food on the table, which is what, for alot of families this would amount to

F

becs

flea72 wrote: »

making your own bridesmaid dresses was also the norm back then - if you got asked to be a bridesmaid, whoever in the family was competent with a needle was roped in, as there was no option to go to a shop and buy off the peg for the masses, and fabric was proportionately less expensive

i would also say you mum most likely offered to stump up the cost herself, she wouldnt have been told that if she didnt pay, then you couldnt be a bridesmaid after all?

i just dont get why people dont understand when the shoe is on the other foot. a good friend would not put you in a situation where you had to choose between attending their big day, or your own family having food on the table, which is what, for alot of families this would amount to

F

What a lot of old nonsense! Your friend puts you in the position of choosing between being a bridesmaid or putting food on your family table yet you can afford to pay for the "bridal suite" for revenge!
I would suggest anyone struggling to pay for a bridesmaid dress should usually be a "good" friend of the bride and would therefore feel able to approach her and have a sensible discussion with her like a grown up rather than rather than behaving like a spoilt child.Have you thought about the costs the wedding party incur inviting you to their wedding? They obviously have the invite, the favours, the food, the disco/music that you enjoy to name but a few!

codemonkey

I have to say that I'm not paying for accommodation for any of my guests.

We're paying for food, welcome drinks, a slap up 3 course meal with wine, favours, a ceilidh, a dj and a buffet for them all. There's no way we could afford to get married if we were expected to have an open bar for 150 people all day, and pay for their accommodation.

I wouldn't ask the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, and even though it's traditional for the ushers and best man to pay for their own, we're paying for those too.

But to suggest everything should be paid for is just a tad unrealistic for us mere mortals on a budget.

If my guests don't like it, they don't have to attend.