Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

DX2

murtle1981 wrote: »

As i understand, the council have been quite good to her regarding these arrears as they understand her situation and i think they have set her up on some sort of arrangement to pay off the arrears. But if she fails to stick to the arrangement, they could take further action......and i doubt my brother will look after her if anything happens with the house.

Your brother doesn't need to know how good the council are A few white lies :whistle: that the council would be starting eviction proceedings in 28 days time.

murtle1981

Macro wrote: »

surely the point of motherhood is not just to love and nurture your children but to raise them to be responsible individuals - your brother just seems to be be a spoiled brat.

Firstly, thanks for the advice. Secondly, my Mum did raise us to be responsible adults but my brother obviousley didnt quite get it. He was a nightmare as a kid, very demanding and thats where we are so different...i appreciate what ive got and im happy, he just wants the best of everything and a free ride! I pay my way in life, pay my bills and have helped my Mum out when i can unlike him. I paid board when i lived at home without any fuss....

murtle1981

DX2 wrote: »

Your brother doesn't need to know how good the council are A few white lies :whistle: that the council would be starting eviction proceedings in 28 days time.

I get you ! What a great idea....mmm, my cogs are turning now!lol

murtle1981

[QUOTE=However,_I_can't_help_feeling_that_what_you_really_want_is_for_someone_'out_there'_to_subsidise_your_brother_and_his_girlfriend,_since_your_mum_wouldn't_be_in_this_mess_if_they_paid_their_way._Apologies_if_that_sounds_harsh.[/QUOTE]
DX2- any idea what is meant by this (above)???
or does anyone else know.............??????

Bogof_Babe

murtle1981 wrote: »

DX2- any idea what is meant by this (above)???
or does anyone else know.............??????

I assume the poster means that if your brother and his gf were paying their way then there would be no need to attempt to get benefits money (which is funded by the taxpayer). Therefore if benefits were to be given, this is effectively the taxpayer paying your mother money that should be coming from your brother & gf. Understandably "the taxpayer" does not wish to fork out money that should be being paid by those who won't pay their way.

FBaby

The problem is your mum however strong she is is probably petrified to lose your brother after having lost her husband. The fear of losing a loved one is horrible and will lead people to allow themselves to be abused just to still those people around them. I really feel for your mum. What is horrible is how selfish your brother is acting. He probably 'feels' your mum desperation if not conciously aware of it and is taking advantage of it. I bet he goes and tell his buddies that no matter what, his mum will always take him back.

I think you should have a serious word with him. He might be your brother, but he is also the one who is taking advantage of your mum. You know he is doing wrong, so surely you should get involved to try to make him remember of the values and principles he wasonce taught.

murtle1981

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I assume the poster means that if your brother and his gf were paying their way then there would be no need to attempt to get benefits money (which is funded by the taxpayer). Therefore if benefits were to be given, this is effectively the taxpayer paying your mother money that should be coming from your brother & gf. Understandably "the taxpayer" does not wish to fork out money that should be being paid by those who won't pay their way.

Thank you. I know what you mean now and you are right. Why should the tax payer pay my Mum what my brother should be paying her? It makes sense. Thanks

murtle1981

FBaby wrote: »

The problem is your mum however strong she is is probably petrified to lose your brother after having lost her husband. The fear of losing a loved one is horrible and will lead people to allow themselves to be abused just to still those people around them. I really feel for your mum. What is horrible is how selfish your brother is acting. He probably 'feels' your mum desperation if not conciously aware of it and is taking advantage of it. I bet he goes and tell his buddies that no matter what, his mum will always take him back.

I think you should have a serious word with him. He might be your brother, but he is also the one who is taking advantage of your mum. You know he is doing wrong, so surely you should get involved to try to make him remember of the values and principles he wasonce taught.

Everything you have said here makes sense. She doesnt want to lose him as well as my Dad and he knows this, he uses it to his advantage and she caves in to him. Im just so worried about her cos at her time of life, she shouldnt have to live like this. Ive told him til im blue in the face, ive tried to explain her situation to him but its as though he couldnt care less at times. But when i do have words with him, I have to tread carefully as hes very moody at times and if i go in all guns blazing like i have in the past, he just tells me where to go and doesnt speak to me for ages. I back my Mum all the way although like ive said in previous posts, my Mum could be helping herself a lot more than she is...by kicking him out for a start then getting a better job! He still owes me £300 from about 4 years ago and ive given up asking him for it back as all i get is a load of excuses and the same old line "you will get it when ive got it". Wouldnt mind but hes had it 50 times over since i lent it him!!

murtle1981

DX2 wrote: »

Your brother doesn't need to know how good the council are A few white lies :whistle: that the council would be starting eviction proceedings in 28 days time.

I may tell my Mum to do what DX2 suggested-tell my brother that the council are going to evict her (even though it hasnt got to that as they are being quite understanding regarding her situation and have made special arrangements with her). But my brother doesnt need to know that does he? Telling him she faces being evicted could a) make him move on or b)make him realise that he needs to pay his way....any thoughts on this anyone?