Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

zzzLazyDaisy

She needs to be firm. This is her HOME.

She should tell them she wants them to leave by the end of the week/month.

If they don't go, she should get a friend or relative to help her to put their stuff in bin bags and take it round to the gf's mother's place. Then change the locks.

Sorry, but they can only treat her like this because she permits it.

Barneysmom

I'd kick the pair of them out.
If I thought my son would ever think to treat me like that!
They both need a kick up the backside.
As for her staying in bad all day - I'd go up there and pull the mattress out from under her.

murtle1981

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

She needs to be firm. This is her HOME.

She should tell them she wants them to leave by the end of the week/month.

If they don't go, she should get a friend or relative to help her to put their stuff in bin bags and take it round to the gf's mother's place. Then change the locks.

Sorry, but they can only treat her like this because she permits it.

Just before Christmas when they had a bust up, she told them to get out but then when things had calmed down, she caved in....again! Ive told her to pack their things for them but she thinks my brother will never talk to har again and will hate her and make out that shes the worst mother in the world. Ive asked her to come and live with us, or at least stay with us til she manages to get a flat or bungalow but she wont.

murtle1981

Just want to add that im heartbroken by the whole situation (or should i say mess?). My Mum was a rock for us when we were growing up as my Dad was ill (severe clinical depression). She could have left but she didnt, even when things got really bad. She worked her socks off to make sure we were looked after and this is the way my brother treats her! It makes me so mad! My Dad took his own life a few years ago and you would think that would make my brother appreciate things and life a lot more but it hasnt...My Mum is stronger than what she gives herself credit for, just wish she would use that to sort this horrible mess out and get my brother and his gf out of the house. She deserves so much more than this. Ive known her have no gas on when it snowed cos he wouldnt put any money on it...and him and his gf trotted off to hisd gfs mothers. Makes me sick. But i get annoyed with my Mum cos she could be helping herself so much more than she is doing...she tried claiming WTC before my Brother and his gf moved in but it was refused, for what reason, i cannot remember. Theres got to be some other financial help out there for her.....

Oldernotwiser

I do think that your mother is bringing this on herself. Apart from the board money issue, you mention in your op that she's working for about half the NMW in one job and minimum wage for her cleaning job. I really don't think that you should be trying to get extra benefits for her in the circumstances but helping her to get her life and finances sorted out..

viktory

I agree with ONW. The situation at home should be sorted out - then your Mum would have enough money. I am not convinced extra benefits are the answer.

zzzLazyDaisy

murtle1981 wrote: »

Theres got to be some other financial help out there for her.....

I am not a benefits expert - far from it - but I'd be very surprised if there is any financial help 'out there' for her. She has a non-dependent adult living with her, who is earning a good wage. I don't know what deductions are made for this, but I am sure it will be more than the £20 a week he is paying your mum (hopefully someone more clued up on benefits will come along and give you more accurate info).

In addition, as ONW points out, she is working for less than minimum wage. In theory this should not be possible - is she being paid cash in hand? If not, she should take this matter up with the employer.

If she needs more information on her rights at work, or about benefits, it might be useful for her to speak to a CAB adviser.

However, I can't help feeling that what you really want is for someone 'out there' to subsidise your brother and his girlfriend, since your mum wouldn't be in this mess if they paid their way. Apologies if that sounds harsh.

woozywendy

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and eventually took the fuses out of her fuse box for the upstairs and any down stairs that she could when she went out. Her daughter was not happy or the boyfriend. They soon started to look for somewhere else.

Macro_3

Working for below the national min wage could affect her entitlement to any benefits - in housing and council tax benefits, when someone accepts below the national minimum wage for work, the income taken into account assumes that minimum wage is being earned. So she may be working for 22 ish hours per week at £3, earning £66, but the wage taken into account would be 22 hours at £5.90 (min wage) = £129.80 (less any potential tax and ni). I suppose the thinking is that the benefits system is not there to subsidize employers who don't pay the going rate. I wonder if this is also the case for other benefits, such as tax credits?

Unfortunately, your mother will need to sort out her son and her employment issues. Hard though it will be, she really isn't doing him any favours by letting him get away with everything as he is doing now - surely the point of motherhood is not just to love and nurture your children but to raise them to be responsible individuals - your brother just seems to be be a spoiled brat.

Kimitatsu

First thing she needs to speak to these people about her wages:
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/TheNationalMinimumWage/DG_10027201

Its a free confidential helpline and they will ensure that she gets what she is entitled to.

Secondly she needs to be tough with your brother, either he pays in board what she has lost in benefits due to them moving in, along with gas and electricity or she moves him out. If they made themselves intentionally homeless by not paying the rent then they need to sort it out, because currently they will be moving out and your mother will be evicted. Then where will she stay? I cant imagine they will be too happy to put her up at the same rate.

Your brother is a big boy now and even paying £40 a week, he wont find anywhere else to live at that price, and if he can then let him.

If it is a council property in your mums name and they refuse to move then the council can have them removed from the property if she speaks to them. I realise that she worries he wont speak to her, but currently she is giving them no motive to move, but she will be left penniless.