Housekeeping money

debtfreeme

Hi,
I don't post often but could really do with some advice. I'm a stay at home mum to one with another on the way. I'm not currently getting any housekeeping money from my husband although he pays all the bills (which I'm very grateful for) I don't really have any independence. I need to ask for him to start putting an amount into our (currently unused) joint account so that I can have some money for day to day stuff and so that I can start to have a bit of a life of my own, nothing extravagant but I haven't had a hair cut for 8 months so that would be nice lol!

My husband earns ***, and has a pretty decent disposable income from this bearing this in mind how much would you ask for?

What is reasonable for housekeeping per month/ week? We have never shared our money before so I'm clueless and need to approach this asap.

Go easy on my here, I'm not expecting to be a lady of leisure forever or anything.

thanks for any replies x

Plans_all_plans

I'm concerned that you feel like this but haven't broached the subject with your husband? Why is this? What is his attitude to money and you being a stay at home mum?

It's not a matter of 'how much' you should ask for really. You should speak to him and come to a mutual decision.

LJM

i would sit down with him and discuss this tell him how you feel it may be easier than you think

rachbc

erm imho if you have taken a mutual decision to stay at home and care for him, his children and home then all his salary should go into your joint account for you both to have equal access to..you are his wife, an equal life partner, not his unpaid nanny, cook and cleaner!

nickyhutch

It's not a matter of "how much"; more having access to the household money. Why haven't you talked to him about it? If I hadn't had my hair done for 8 months my DH would be at me with the domestos while I was asleep!

GlasweJen

You're probably best suggesting that you sit down and work out finances together. You could look into saving money on food/electric/gas/phone line etc. Then make up a list of your husbands work related expenses and ask for an allowance for yourself out of what is left over. It really depends on what you want the allowance to cover, if it's just for a few bits throughout the month then you wont ask for as much as if you wanted to pay for all clothes and the kids expenses from it.

nickyhutch

rachbc wrote: »

erm imho if you have taken a mutual decision to stay at home and care for him, his children and home then all his salary should go into your joint account for you both to have equal access to..you are his wife, an equal life partner, not his unpaid nanny, cook and cleaner!

Exactly.

.................

debtfreeme

To be honest, it's more a case of both of us not being good at speaking about money. I've always been very embarassed speaking about it and always feel like I'm asking too much etc so just don't ask at all, then I end up struggling, comes from a few years as a single parent I think, feeling like the responsibility is all mine but it's not anymore. It's not his fault, I think he just needs things spelled out to him re what I need, if that makes sense.

We are great at talking about literally anything else, but money always makes us so awkward.

Plans_all_plans

Also, just to give you some idea of how my husband and I did things when I stayed at home with our daughter: his wages were paid into the joint account, along with child benefit and child tax credits. Then I had access to all the money for day to day expenses and so did he, but he very rarely accessed any money!

If I were you, I'd get the child benefit money paid in your name (rather than his) because this will automatically pay your national insurance stamp while you're out of work. He gets his NI paid through his wages, so it can only benefit you both personally and as a couple.

gregg1

debtfreeme wrote: »

Hi,
I don't post often but could really do with some advice. I'm a stay at home mum to one with another on the way. I'm not currently getting any housekeeping money from my husband although he pays all the bills (which I'm very grateful for) I don't really have any independence. I need to ask for him to start putting an amount into our (currently unused) joint account so that I can have some money for day to day stuff and so that I can start to have a bit of a life of my own, nothing extravagant but I haven't had a hair cut for 8 months so that would be nice lol!

My husband earns £50k, and has a pretty decent disposable income from this bearing this in mind how much would you ask for?

What is reasonable for housekeeping per month/ week? We have never shared our money before so I'm clueless and need to approach this asap.

Go easy on my here, I'm not expecting to be a lady of leisure forever or anything.

thanks for any replies x

With respect, you should not be "asking" for anything. It is YOUR money as much as it is your husband's. I do not know what your outgoings are so can only say from my point of view. My OH and I have a joint account into which our salaries are paid and then we each have our own accounts. All the bills come from the joint account and then a certain amount is paid into our own accounts each month from the joint which we use as we wish on stuff purely for ourselves such as going out, magazines, books, hairdos etc.

Have you tried talking to your husband about this and if so what was his reaction?

debtfreeme

I'm going to have a chat with him tonight about it but was sort of looking to find an idea of what the norm is if that makes sense.