Housekeeping money

gregg1

debtfreeme wrote: »

To be honest, it's more a case of both of us not being good at speaking about money. I've always been very embarassed speaking about it and always feel like I'm asking too much etc so just don't ask at all, then I end up struggling, comes from a few years as a single parent I think, feeling like the responsibility is all mine but it's not anymore. It's not his fault, I think he just needs things spelled out to him re what I need, if that makes sense.

We are great at talking about literally anything else, but money always makes us so awkward.

Could you not start by suggesting that his salary is paid into your joint account to begin with. That way you can see exactly where your money is going and what is left and can access it when you need to without having to ask.

geri1965_2

What is this, the 1950s? You don't need to be grateful that he pays the bills, they are his responsibility! Unless of course he would like you to work and pay your share, and have his child looked after by a nanny?

the_cat

rachbc wrote: »

erm imho if you have taken a mutual decision to stay at home and care for him, his children and home then all his salary should go into your joint account for you both to have equal access to..you are his wife, an equal life partner, not his unpaid nanny, cook and cleaner!

I couldn't agree more. Every penny he earns is jointly yours. You shouldn't be 'grateful' that he pays the bills or 'asking' him to give you money

Unless of course he wants to pay you a 'wage' for doing what you currently do.
24/7 hours at say £10 an hour (you can't get a decent cleaner for less than than, never mind a nanny)...... comes to over £87K:D

He can't afford you!!:rotfl:

lizzie_dripping

debtfreeme wrote: »

I'm going to have a chat with him tonight about it but was sort of looking to find an idea of what the norm is if that makes sense.

My husband give me a lump sum every month out of which I pay all household bills and groceries, save for holidays and Christmas and buy things for children. That equates to approx 75% of his take home pay and I have a spreadsheet with a budget for each area. Out of that sum, £200 is mine to spend as I choose - haircuts, clothes for me, concert/theatre tickets etc.

I don't buy big household items, or pay for things like decorating etc out of it and if we go out as a family for a trip or a meal then my husband pays. The remainder of his salary is his to spend pretty much as he chooses.

I couldn't have a joint account as I am the type that balances the books every week and he spends until his money runs out. This method suits us better.

sueeve

I'm sure he just hasn't got around to thinking about it, but I think the norm is a joint account for bills, housekeeping, holidays, transport etc, and then something to each of you for personal extras. He doesn't sound like a big spender, so possibly you need a bit more than him, because haircuts and so on cost more for a woman. Then you've got a little saved up for presents for him so that he doesn't have to buy his own, and if it accumulates a bit even saying 'I've got a bit spare, let's go out'.
As far as going back in time, my grandad gave my grandma his paypacket and then he handed out his pocketmoney. (and that was 1910 onwards)

debtfreeme

geri1965 wrote: »

What is this, the 1950s? You don't need to be grateful that he pays the bills, they are his responsibility! Unless of course he would like you to work and pay your share, and have his child looked after by a nanny?

To be fair, we're both pretty old fashioned in a sense and I am partial to a swing dress lol

Appreciate what you're saying though.

We've only been married for 6 months and I lost my job a few months ago unexpectedly so it's just something that we need to get sorted out from now. I don't want this to seem like I'm being negative about him though, he's bloody fantastic in a million ways just needs a nudge about this really.

kazmeister

Hi and hugs for you. I dont usually respond to posts like this but felt compelled to and I think I hear what you are saying.

'You have a great bloke who earns a decent salary and pays all the bills. You both find it difficult to talk about money and now you find yourself struggling'

If this is the case then that is exactly what you should be saying to him, preferably when you are both at ease (ok you probably wont be as you know you are going to raise the issue).

As you are on MSE you could suggest creating a proper budget together, even making savings using the suggestions on here.

I used to find it difficult to talk to my husband about money but then I was hiding credit card debt, however once out in the open I found him to be supportive, helpful and we are much closer than we ever were before.

Good luck

Make-it-3

Why not say to your husband that as a new years resolution it would be good to look at your household finances and agree how it is best maximised to enhance your family life.

I agree a joint account works best, as long as you have similar attitudes to money. Work out together what your outgoings are each month and what is left over. Then what you jointly want to do with what is left, could be overpay the mortgage, save for holidays, spend on your house etc etc and then within this you could agree an allowance you both have for personal spending.

meritaten

you asked what is a reasonable amount of money for housekeeping so I am going to answer just that question and refrain from commenting about your money arrangements.
my OH earns about half of what your OH earns - but saying that we have a small mortgage, no kids at home and I have now retired from part time work as I cant work anymore due to disability.
I DO have mobility allowance from the state of just under £200 a month. but that goes on taxi fares to town or to hospital apps (and that aint cheap as the hospital is 15 miles away).
my housekeeping allowance is £60 per week to cover things like the milk and bread and papers and other bits and pieces...........and to match my OHs pocket money of £30 a week. its understood that I can spend this any way I like (but it goes on books mainly). my OH pays most bills out of his account by direct debit.
so my money to spend on myself works out at around £80 per week - and I feel very fortunate. If I want to have my hair or nails done I can - I can afford a decent wardrobe (but I do tend to just buy things from charity shops as I spend so much time in them looking for books). I buy toys for the grandkids from them too. I do save a little each month from mobility, so that when it comes to birthday and christmas I am not just using OHs money and I feel good about that!
but, you have to work out what is right for YOU! good luck!

gravitytolls

Reasonable HK?

It's reasonable for wages to go into joint account, a set amount to go into savings, the bills paid from the joint account, and enough trust between man and wife that both should spend what they believe is reasonable on living, i.e haircuts, kids shoes etc.